The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Poker Face

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey made their way back from the shore this week to play a little poker and kick one little Jersey girl out of the her luxurious nest.

We break down all the drama in our patented THG +/- recap below!

Say bye bye. That was Jacqueline's response as Ashlee whined about packing to leave for Vegas. Plus 10 because it was so pathetic it was funny.

They sent her off with Albie to avoid a family meltdown at the airport hoping that she'd get on the plane without incident. It sounds good…in theory.

Jersey-ites

Minus 7 because Albie couldn't be bothered to park the car and walk his wayward cousin to the security checkpoint. Instead he drops her at the curb and there's no doubt she'll be home by dark.

Sure enough, Albie gets the call as he's driving home. Somehow Ashlee missed her flight. Minus 12. This girl is pathetic. I know it's because she doesn't want to go but it is sad when a 20-year-old can't check herself in at an airport. 

Chris is right, his step-daughter has no common sense. Her answer to stress is wishing she could buy herself a drink. Ashlee may be headed down a hard road all of her own making. 

This time Chris drives her to the airport to make sure it's done right. Plus 10. At home Jacqueline looks at pictures of her little girl and cries. I understand she's upset but it's not like some awful tragedy has befallen her daughter. Ashlee's a spoiled brat and when people stop handing her stuff maybe she'll grow up.

Apparently Ashlee isn't the only Jersey girl having issues. Lauren's cosmetic business is a bust. She says she wasn't getting the respect she deserved so she packed up her kiosk at Chateau and walked away…the day after her grand opening party! Minus 15. Seriously, don't you have to at least put some actual work into the business to earn respect?
Sorry About the Book ...

The diet she's going on looks ridiculous. Minus 5. Although I have no doubt if she sticks to it she'll lose weight, I'll also bet she'll gain it right back once she starts eating real food again. 

Speaking of failed businesses, Joe Guidice's pizzeria has a closed sign on the door. Well, that didn't last long. Now he's planning to buy the gas station across the street and turn the property into an over 55 residence. When Teresa asks if the gas station owner knows he'll be evicted, Joe says no but it's no big deal. Minus 15! I think it will be a big deal for the owner.

Across town, Kathy and Rich's son is e-mailed a topless picture of a girl. Plus 8 for Kathy's response. I thought she handled it well. Minus 10 to Rich. There are times when his jokes are just a little too sleazy.

Finally the whole gang gets together and Teresa takes the moment to once again apologize for her book…or sort of apologize. It never really comes across that she's sorry for anything. Minus 7 Teresa can't seem to let it go and then she's begging people to read the book because once they do they'll really get into it. Um…it's a cookbook, right? How into it can you be?

The boys head into the next room to play a little poker and most of the fun occurs off camera. Rich and Joe Guidice end up having a wrestling match over something vital like who's the taller Joe. Then Guidice makes a grab at Rich below the belt and later jokes that there was nothing to grab. 

Uh, is that normally where guys grab one another during a fight?  Well, maybe short guys. Minus 13.

Melissa Gorga Singing

In the end Joe ends up with a candlestick holder in the eye. Yeah, I don't get it either.

But Joe's stuck at home now playing Mr. Mom while Teresa's doing her book signings. As usual the kids are little terrors but at least Milania only called Gia a hooker this week. Plus 8. That's a step up from calling her sister a stupid whore.

Finally. Melissa tries to have a romantic dinner but Joe can't stop thinking about babies and sex. Then Melissa tells him she recorded a love ballad for him. It's actually not bad. Joe says the song turns him on. No kidding. What doesn't turn him on?

So who thinks we'll see Ashlee back again before the end of the season? Who thinks we'll see her back next week? Something tells me that Jersey girl will be back before we know it.

EPISODE TOTAL: -48! SEASON TOTAL: -111!   

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Theresa is in total denial and desperately needs psychiatric help. Her kids are very cute but should also go along with her,for someday the New Jersey Housewives will end and Theresa will need to deal with just being Theresa

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Caroline is such a phoney and her kids are too. I feel sorry for Jaqueline she has to put up with her sister-in-law Caroline who thinks her kids are angels. Plus Ashlee is so much prettier and smarter than Carolines daughter the frumpy Lauren. Lauren is a very mean spirited girl, she acts like her mother, thats for sure. Caroline is jealous of all the other housewives. Her sons are a bunch of mamas boys who cant do anything with out mothers approval. Caroline giving advice on the radio show is so ridiculous,she a miss know it all who really knows nothing. Please get rid of her once and for all!!!!

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Ashlee looks like a ugly man dressed up trying to look and be Lindsay Lohan..And what ever she did to her lips just made her more ugly....

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did anyone else notice that gia is "momma" to the baby?? i cant get over how those kids behave towards each other...i wonder? joe telling his wife off in front of the kids?it is sad and it just proves that money does not buy happiness. or common sense.

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Teresa's kids are Satan's spawn! I've never seen a wilder, more misbehaved, and ill-mannered bunch. It's obvious no one is parenting those brats.....their adult language is evidence of that. Kathy's son needs a good ass kicking too; way too "grown" for his age. And Ashley.....where does one start??? Smdh....

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I love Teresa!!!! Why is Bravo making her look like the evil one??? She is going through a rough time and trying to support her family. I understand the Catholic vow of marriage, but I think Joe is just pulling her down. It's hard to defend him. Seeing Gina react to her father about the tabloids about other women was awful. No little girl should be put in that position. Don't destroy Teresa in making Melissa more than she is. If Joe Gorga is real family, he'd find a way to help his wife and sister be friends. Do it for the parents who love both their children before something happens to one of them. Teresa is awesome!!!!

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Too bad Lauren's cosmetic business did not work out. I guess it was hard for her to deal with the real world without mommie Caroline's backup. Maybe Lauren can ask Daddy Manzo to pull some strings and arrange for her to get a job with the State or with some public utility company.

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I realize Albie dropped Ashley off at the curb, but in case some of you don't know, you can't walk someone to the area where passengers board anymore. Remember 9/11? Airports have changed a great deal and we all get dropped off this way when flying.

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Ashlie is a spoiled brat, she should know how to catch a flight shes not 6years old.

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Why didn't Albie walk Ashlee to the check in and stay as long as he could with her as he was told to do. Instead he pulls a "cold" drop off. What does he do for a living? Nothing too but its ok he is slacker? Seems none of Caroline's children work but only Ashlee gets trashed. They all have a gang up abuse mentality against her but I guess they are getting paid for that. Jac just wants her young husband and children to herself and pretend she is young again. Like Ashley is. My daughter was terrified of flying at that age too. It was very difficult getting her on a plane. Then in her late 20's she changed.