The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 4 Premiere Recap: High Tides, Low Blows

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey are back and the feuding continues, but this time they're leaving their McMansions and taking it down to the Jersey shore.

Let's assess all the cussing, name calling, and backstabbing in THG +/- review!

It looks like no one has talked much since Teresa Guidice's infamous cookbook came out. Between the digs about her being as Italian as the Olive Garden and rehashing her son's brilliant idea for a strip car wash, Caroline Manzo is still pretty ticked off. 

The Real Housewives of NJ

The two women end up meeting at a party at Jacqueline's and Caroline's doing an admirable job of freezing Teresa out but Teresa wants to talk. She says she wants to clear the air. Minus 10 because why wait for a family party to do that?

Why not just pick up the phone or go on over to Caroline's? I suppose the show wouldn't be fun if any of it made sense.

So Teresa apologizes…sort of.

"I think you misread it because if you really read it good you'd realize I didn't insult you." Really?  hat's your idea of an apology? Telling someone you didn't read it good? Minus 15 and I'm not even counting the grammar issues.

Teresa just keeps repeating that it was all a joke but Teresa's the only one who finds it funny.

And apparently this is not a good time to be messing with Caroline. She's going though menopause and isn't thrilled when her doctor tells her she's getting old. Plus 8 because even she admits she may go super bitch on someone who crosses her right now.

But it's the start of a long season and Caroline agrees to co-exist and move forward. Let's see how long that lasts.

Melissa Gorga seems to be serious about getting along with her crazy sister-in-law. She doesn't even want to hear about the cookbook anymore so Plus 7 for making the effort. But Kathy's husband Rich can't help but cause trouble and brings it up every chance he gets.

Of course even Melissa's resolve is tested when her hubby tells her that Teresa says Melissa would leave Joe in a heartbeat if a richer guy came along. When Joe asked her why she said it, Teresa's response is she heard it somewhere. Minus 11. The more Teresa talks the more I think she's nothing but stupid and mean.

The whole crew, minus the Manzo's travel down to the Jersey shore for the weekend and we get quite the inside view of the Guidice home as they prepare for their trip. 

Teresa's yelling for Gia to help find her sister's iTouch and the little one is calling Gia a stupid whore. But Teresa did make her say she was sorry. Seriously?!?

The kid's about six years old and she's calling her sister a stupid whore! What's she going to be saying when she's 13? Minus 22. Sorry indeed. 

On the car trip down, Joe tells Teresa that he didn't come home because he was hanging out with some girls the night before…but it was a business thing.

Yeah, even 11-year-old Gia isn't buying it. And that's the bigger problem. Gia's not a baby and she's not an idiot. I can only imagine what the kids at school say to her. They read the magazines and watch TV and there's so much stuff out there now. 

So how does Teresa choose to handle it? By sticking her head in the sand the way she does everything else. Teresa and Joe decide the kids are too young to understand so why bother talking to them about it. Minus 15.

Umm, when your 11-year-old has to ask why the magazine cover says Daddy's cheating you've got big problems. 

Joe's response to all this. He tells Gia to shut up and tells Teresa she knew this was the life when she signed on. Joe's a jackass who's never going to change. Minus 13.

And that gives me a new word to describe Teresa. To mean and stupid you can add sad. Very, very sad.

Next to the Guidices, the Gorgas appear almost normal and isn't that scary. Joe is teaching Gino how to use the potty like a big boy. As much as Joe Gorga makes my skin crawl on occasion, he seems like a good dad who adores his kids and his wife so Plus 12 for that.

But what was he thinking about that shore house? It's going to be perfectly nice once it's done but those kids can't stay there now with the construction equipment and the green pool. Minus 9.

Joe tries to tell Teresa that he'll be there for her if her husband goes to prison but somehow it ends up in a mess of misunderstandings. Minus 5. What else is new.

Back at Jacqueline's she's see a life coach to try and deal with the mess Ashley is making of her life and the ripple effect it's having on everyone else. Ash is now platinum blonde and getting tattoos and piercings.

The girl looks like a spoiled 15-year-old acting out not a 20-something starting her life and it's taking it's toll on Jacqueline and Chris' marriage.

So what's the solution? Chris has agreed to send Jacqueline away to relatives in Las Vegas? Plus 10. At least he didn't buy her another car. He's finally doing something but is this just pushing the problem off on somebody else? Maybe the change of scenery will help but will we really not see Ashley this season?

Somehow I'm sure the rest of the cast will give us so much drama that we won't even miss her.

EPISODE TOTAL: -63! SEASON TOTAL: -63!

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I did forget to say Melissa your voice is outstanding! Go for it girl!! You are the realist both you and your husband are the best!!!

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Dont these people get paid for this reality show? I think they all need to go to work and live amongst the middle class and see whats really important. None of these woman are real..At all..Im from New York and when your friends your friends for life. And if one of us is in a bad way we all try to figure it out and help each other, no one gets left behind. And Teresa honestly i dont really care what you do but what your teaching your girls is to be abused and talked down to...what til they are old enough to meet men. THey will be abusive just like their dad..if anything make the right choices for your kids...And ive been in all of your shoes...get off the air and fix your life...their has to be something better out there then the all mighty dollar.

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wanted to say why is jacqueline throwing her daughter out she is 20 what did she do at 20 it takes a little time for some to no what they want to do so she feels and that ass hole husband she has wants her out so she can be with his 2 boys if i was ashley i would leave and never speak to her again. rotten bitch her own daughter... would any of the other mothers throw their kid on the street now im watching the show now and he is putting her on the plane and says she is not welcome back and she is on zanaix... poor girl ... jacqueline rot at a strip club.......

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Joe Gorga, You and little guy need to wash your hands after going pee pee.

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I love the show and have watched from the beginning..... However, I really did like, care, and resepect Teresia. I felt she was a loyal friend who was a good listener and didn't feel the need to interfer with peopkes issues till Season 2... Then her true lights started shinning and she began showing us that she was really a very selfish and selfcentered ladie.. and I don't have much nice words to say about her husband Joe, so I will end it here...

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Who do you know that don't have problems ? these people claim to be family why don't they support each other regardless of what you think of Theresa brother he may be a horney toad but he loves, protects and cares for his family the olive branch he tried to extend to his sister OMG she almost beat him with it inatead of tring to understand what he was saying. She is soo jelous it's awful.That husband of hers is overberring and abusive and Social services shold be called to really see if those children are alright. Keep in mind we only see about an hour of their life can you imagin living with that monster.

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What is with Caroline's son Christopher??? Is Christopher gay and is that gay guy Christopher's boyfriend? Hmmm, maybe Christopher was dating Kim G's son and now this is his new boyfriend. I see they took the gay guy on vacation and he and Christopher were all over each other. Perhaps that is why old Caroline is always trying to beat down the personal lives of everyone else on the show..., maybe old Caroline just wants to get the gay spotlight off her family so she acts all better and opinionated against the other old girls. Whatever, they are all old and loud trash.

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Caroline,Melissa and Kathy,
What goes around comes around.
Don't talk bad about Teresa and her family ...because GOD will punish all of you for being pieces of s...t towards her.
Teresa most leave the show.She will find peace at last.
Danielle Staub was a good lady but you Caroline have destroyed her...by badmouthing her
Caroline Manzo you are pure EVIL..

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Caroline is going through menopouse.THis midget is trying to destroy Teresa and her family.Her allies are''Big Eggs Kathy'' and''Black 2 faces Melissa".
Teresa she's a good mom and wife.Smart,good hearted and most of all she knows that jealousy is evil.
Caroline's kids are so dumb....they are always there doing nothing ...but critizing Teresa with their mother.
Jacqueline she DOES NOT TALK about her hubby bankruptcy....how come????And Al and his illegal problems??????

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You people must be watching a different show than I do! WHO could possibly be jealous of Teresa?
She's self involved to the extent she can't see what this bad marriage is doing to little girls who
already have potty mouths and allows Joe to treat them all with total disrespect. She writes negative
things about family that have nothing to do with a cookbook.
The other women are not haters and do seem to try to mend things with Teresa. Her brother tries
but gets insulted by Teresa's husband.
Jealous? Of what, exactly?
Ashley needs intense counseling. She's had it all and appreciates nothing.

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