The Real Housewives of New Jersey are back and the feuding continues, but this time they're leaving their McMansions and taking it down to the Jersey shore.
Let's assess all the cussing, name calling, and backstabbing in THG +/- review!
It looks like no one has talked much since Teresa Guidice's infamous cookbook came out. Between the digs about her being as Italian as the Olive Garden and rehashing her son's brilliant idea for a strip car wash, Caroline Manzo is still pretty ticked off.
The two women end up meeting at a party at Jacqueline's and Caroline's doing an admirable job of freezing Teresa out but Teresa wants to talk. She says she wants to clear the air. Minus 10 because why wait for a family party to do that?
Why not just pick up the phone or go on over to Caroline's? I suppose the show wouldn't be fun if any of it made sense.
So Teresa apologizes…sort of.
"I think you misread it because if you really read it good you'd realize I didn't insult you." Really? hat's your idea of an apology? Telling someone you didn't read it good? Minus 15 and I'm not even counting the grammar issues.
Teresa just keeps repeating that it was all a joke but Teresa's the only one who finds it funny.
And apparently this is not a good time to be messing with Caroline. She's going though menopause and isn't thrilled when her doctor tells her she's getting old. Plus 8 because even she admits she may go super bitch on someone who crosses her right now.But it's the start of a long season and Caroline agrees to co-exist and move forward. Let's see how long that lasts.
Melissa Gorga seems to be serious about getting along with her crazy sister-in-law. She doesn't even want to hear about the cookbook anymore so Plus 7 for making the effort. But Kathy's husband Rich can't help but cause trouble and brings it up every chance he gets.
Of course even Melissa's resolve is tested when her hubby tells her that Teresa says Melissa would leave Joe in a heartbeat if a richer guy came along. When Joe asked her why she said it, Teresa's response is she heard it somewhere. Minus 11. The more Teresa talks the more I think she's nothing but stupid and mean.
The whole crew, minus the Manzo's travel down to the Jersey shore for the weekend and we get quite the inside view of the Guidice home as they prepare for their trip.
Teresa's yelling for Gia to help find her sister's iTouch and the little one is calling Gia a stupid whore. But Teresa did make her say she was sorry. Seriously?!?
The kid's about six years old and she's calling her sister a stupid whore! What's she going to be saying when she's 13? Minus 22. Sorry indeed.
On the car trip down, Joe tells Teresa that he didn't come home because he was hanging out with some girls the night before…but it was a business thing.
Yeah, even 11-year-old Gia isn't buying it. And that's the bigger problem. Gia's not a baby and she's not an idiot. I can only imagine what the kids at school say to her. They read the magazines and watch TV and there's so much stuff out there now.
So how does Teresa choose to handle it? By sticking her head in the sand the way she does everything else. Teresa and Joe decide the kids are too young to understand so why bother talking to them about it. Minus 15.
Umm, when your 11-year-old has to ask why the magazine cover says Daddy's cheating you've got big problems.
Joe's response to all this. He tells Gia to shut up and tells Teresa she knew this was the life when she signed on. Joe's a jackass who's never going to change. Minus 13.
And that gives me a new word to describe Teresa. To mean and stupid you can add sad. Very, very sad.
Next to the Guidices, the Gorgas appear almost normal and isn't that scary. Joe is teaching Gino how to use the potty like a big boy. As much as Joe Gorga makes my skin crawl on occasion, he seems like a good dad who adores his kids and his wife so Plus 12 for that.
But what was he thinking about that shore house? It's going to be perfectly nice once it's done but those kids can't stay there now with the construction equipment and the green pool. Minus 9.
Joe tries to tell Teresa that he'll be there for her if her husband goes to prison but somehow it ends up in a mess of misunderstandings. Minus 5. What else is new.
Back at Jacqueline's she's see a life coach to try and deal with the mess Ashley is making of her life and the ripple effect it's having on everyone else. Ash is now platinum blonde and getting tattoos and piercings.
The girl looks like a spoiled 15-year-old acting out not a 20-something starting her life and it's taking it's toll on Jacqueline and Chris' marriage.
So what's the solution? Chris has agreed to send Jacqueline away to relatives in Las Vegas? Plus 10. At least he didn't buy her another car. He's finally doing something but is this just pushing the problem off on somebody else? Maybe the change of scenery will help but will we really not see Ashley this season?
Somehow I'm sure the rest of the cast will give us so much drama that we won't even miss her.
EPISODE TOTAL: -63! SEASON TOTAL: -63!