Tale of the NFL Playoff Tape: Cincinnati Bengals vs. Houston Texans

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The NFL will feature four Divisional Round playoff games this week, three of which we've already determined the results for via a detailed, scientific comparison of players and team traits. To wit:

Now, for the matchup that will air actually first tomorrow afternoon, let's rundown the most important aspects of the Cincinnati Bengals and the Houston Texans...

Texans vs. Bengals

1. TOTAL OFFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 319.9
Texans: 372.1
Edge: Texans

2. TOTAL DEFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 316.2
Texans: 285.7
Edge: Texans

3. TEAM RUSHING (YPG)
Bengals: 111.1
Texans: 153
Edge: Texans

4. TEAM PASSING (YPG)
Bengals: 208.8
Texans: 219.1
Edge: Texans

5. ROOKIE QUARTERBACK
Bengals: Andy Dalton
Texans: TJ Yates
Edge: Bengals

6. HEAD COACH
Bengals: Marvin Lewis
Texans: Gary Kubiak
Edge: Bengals

7. FANTASY FOOTBALL STUD
Bengals: Cedric Benson
Texans: Arian Foster
Edge: Texans

8. FEELINGS ON BEING MESSED WITH
Bengals: Eh...
Texans: Don't you dare!
Edge: Texans

9. WILL MOST MISS...
Bengals: The antics of Chad Ochocinco
Texans: Injured star lineman Mario Williams
Edge: Tie

10. TEAM DEFENSE, PASSING YPG
Bengals: 211.6
Texans: 189.7
Edge: Tie

THE VERDICT: This one shouldn't be close. Houston takes it by a final tally of 7-2-1, our most lopsided victory for any playoff team yet over another. With a strong defense, arguably the best running back in football and a surprisingly efficient rookie quarter, the Texans are on track for their first-ever postseason victory.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?

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