Tale of the NFL Playoff Tape: Cincinnati Bengals vs. Houston Texans
by Hilton Hater at .The NFL will feature four Divisional Round playoff games this week, three of which we've already determined the results for via a detailed, scientific comparison of players and team traits. To wit:
- The Giants will knock off the Falcons.
- The Broncos will beat the Steelers.
- The Saints and Lions game will end in a tie.
Now, for the matchup that will air actually first tomorrow afternoon, let's rundown the most important aspects of the Cincinnati Bengals and the Houston Texans...
1. TOTAL OFFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 319.9
Texans: 372.1
Edge: Texans
2. TOTAL DEFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 316.2
Texans: 285.7
Edge: Texans
3. TEAM RUSHING (YPG)
Bengals: 111.1
Texans: 153
Edge: Texans
4. TEAM PASSING (YPG)
Bengals: 208.8
Texans: 219.1
Edge: Texans
5. ROOKIE QUARTERBACK
Bengals: Andy Dalton
Texans: TJ Yates
Edge: Bengals
6. HEAD COACH
Bengals: Marvin Lewis
Texans: Gary Kubiak
Edge: Bengals
7. FANTASY FOOTBALL STUD
Bengals: Cedric Benson
Texans: Arian Foster
Edge: Texans
8. FEELINGS ON BEING MESSED WITH
Bengals: Eh...
Texans: Don't you dare!
Edge: Texans
9. WILL MOST MISS...
Bengals: The antics of Chad Ochocinco
Texans: Injured star lineman Mario Williams
Edge: Tie
10. TEAM DEFENSE, PASSING YPG
Bengals: 211.6
Texans: 189.7
Edge: Tie
THE VERDICT: This one shouldn't be close. Houston takes it by a final tally of 7-2-1, our most lopsided victory for any playoff team yet over another. With a strong defense, arguably the best running back in football and a surprisingly efficient rookie quarter, the Texans are on track for their first-ever postseason victory.
WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?
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Comments (2 Total)
Texans vs Green Bay will be the Super bowl match up..A lot of people don't understand the Texans always had a great offense ..its been the defense in the past that kept them from going to the play offs ...Just remember one thing the Texans got the munchies..They are hungry than a MOTHAFUCKA FUCKA
The Texans did play the lousy Colts and Jaguars twice this season while the Bengals played the very good Ravens and Steelers twice so the numbers really mean squat.I think the Bengals will win based on the fact that Marvin Lewis is due for a win in this his third playoff appearance.