The Bachelorette Recap: A Real Bell-Ringer

Ashley Hebert's global quest for love and adventure continued on The Bachelorette last night. One concussion and three eliminations later, she's onto the next leg ... but the long shadow cast by a former contestant remains.

Girl still can't quit Bentley Williams.

We're starting to wonder how staged this is. It's now been two whole episodes since he left. Is she really still hung up on him, or is the show baiting her?

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Never has a group date gotten this violent.

Maybe you just want what you can't have, and the uncertainty of that dot dot dot garbage made it impossible for her to just move on. Who knows.

In any case, we'll find out next week when the slime returns. This week, it was all about the men fighting for Ashley's love. In the literal sense.

The Bachelorette spoilers we've compiled hint at what happens with Bentley (sigh) as well as the final men standing, so read at your own risk.

Right now, let's break down last night's episode, the fifth of the season, THG style. Continue on for our patented +/- Bachelorette recap ...

Ben F., with his attitude and goofy (but not childlike, William) persona are just what Ashley Hebert needs. They act like an actual, normal couple. Plus 12.

The pair share a "mental kiss" in front of a temple, as an actual one would be sacriligious. A little awkward and lame, but again, very real. Plus 5.

Surrounded by candlelight and musicians, Ben F. proceeds to talk about his late father way too much. Minus only 3, because he did have a point.

He's emotionally available now in ways he wasn't before. Aww. We feel the love. This date is almost perfect. Or in Ashley parlance, per-fact. Plus 7.

This has bothered us for years. Minus 10 for the way Ashley (and everyone on this show) says "Ben and I's ..." It's Ben and my. Try it. It works.

Plus 6 for Chiang Mai, Thailand, which looks awesome!

Ditto Ashley's pink top and white skirt. Plus 23.

"Who wants to get their asses kicked?!"

Minus 10 for taking the group date too far again, show. First a roast of the poor girl, now guys physically throwing down to win her affections? Just brutal.

"Spandex was invented for people like her." - Blake, on Ash. True. Plus 4.

Scrappy J.P. Rosenbaum rallies after a rough start and stuns Mickey for a surprise victory. Jews from Long Island are well represented, indeed. Plus 5.

Despite being ripped, Ames Brown has never been in a fight before, and it shows. This was a concussion waiting to happen. Bad form by ABC. Minus 9.

It says a lot that he never stopped smiling or lost his clam demeanor even after a trip to the ER. Way to roll with it, Amesbot. We love you man. Plus 14.

"Poor Ames" was trending on Twitter last night. Plus 6.

He really deserved the rose, although we'll award only Minus 3 because he did receive one later, and at least Blake got the group date rose, not Ryan.

Speaking of Ryan ... man, that dude's annoying. Minus 5.

Ben C. (a.k.a. Bencey) and William get the dreaded 2-on-1. Bencey had this in the bag, we thought ... until William threw him under the bus! Minus 7.

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Ben Flajnik and Ames Brown are emerging as top contenders.

We have to assume that wasn't the only reason Ashley dumped him on the spot, but man. Good thing William got his mere minutes later. Plus 8.

Note to guys on a date: Do not describe yourself as "silly" or a "boy" who doesn't want to "grow up." Minus 16. That was worse than roasting her.

What the HECK is Ashley thinking with this pathetic request to bring Bentley back. Even though she doesn't know he's a jerk, he still left once! Minus 28.

Either Chris Harrison is a good actor or really skeptical. He sounds almost disgusted as he asks "You really think this would help you to move on?" Plus 9.

Ash says if Bentley just "didn't feel strongly enough" for her, she'd be "so respectful" of that. Think she feels that way after watching this season? Minus 11.

Man, Ashley is such a loser sometimes. Case in point: Her "golf lesson" from Lucas. We mean this as a compliment. Cutest, most fun loser ever. Plus 4.

Watch out for J.P. Nothing fazes this guy. Plus 3.

The final elimination of the night clearly came down to Mickey or Nick, the two guys we barely see any of ... and with "ick" in their names. Plus 5.

TOTAL: +9. SEASON TOTAL: +136.

ROSE RECIPIENTS: Ryan “Mickey” McLean, Blake Julian, Ben Flajnik, Lucas Daniels, Constantine “Dino” Tzortzis, Ryan Park, Ames Brown and JP Rosenbaum.

OUT: Ben Castoriano, William “Will” Holman and Nick Peterson.