Last week Ryan Seacrest debuted Kim Kardashian's new single, "Jam (Turn It Up)" on his KIIS-FM radio show, and last night we had the pleasure of watching it come together on Kourtney & Kim Take New York.
It's splendid that The-Dream had a vision and wanted to "try it out," but next time try it out on someone you've heard sing well. Grab a kid from 'Glee,' or browse the posts on YouTube. There has to be someone out there better suited to sing "Jam (Turn It Up)" than Kim-unless you're going for that auto tone feel.
If that's the case, then a job well done (auto tone is hip right now - they used it at the Oscars).
Kim's been everywhere lately (and at almost every awards show, which befuddled even her biggest fans), so it was only a matter of time before she was presented with the option to sing a song. Paris Hilton did it, and she enjoyed moderate success for a short time. So let's try it out on her protege.
We were witness to the moment the idea was born, and wanted to pull Ciara's hair for even mentioning it over lunch. Don't shoot the messenger, you say?
Fine, we'll just lock Ciara and The-Dream up with a raw track of Kim's voice until they admit it was a poor idea.
The-Dream caught Kim's Emmy sing-a-long with Jimmy Fallon back in August, and had to have hallucinated a few dollar signs. I hope he wasn't expecting much when Kim took to her stool and started to essentially talk her way through the song.
And was that a White Russian I saw next to Kim in the sound booth? I'm no voice coach, but I know that milk isn't good for the vocal chords when one's about to sing.
Since money isn't an issue at this point, Kim should have quit while she was ahead and said "no" to the song. It's a feeble attempt at a dance track where the vocals don't match the beat. Venture failed.
Do we even bother to discuss the other chunk of our 22 minutes unsatisfactorily spent? Some misguided paparazzo asked Scott what his must-have item for the season was, and Scott had to think for a bit.
What IS this fashion icon's must-have? A hat? Never! It would crush the greasy coif. A pocket square? Be serious, he's got thousands. It has to be something that makes one look like they're trying too hard. The walking cane! that's it!
The fact that Scott's friend Dalton didn't tell him that the walking cane looked stupid proves that Dalton isn't a true pal. Any Man in their right mind would never let an amigo spend even $4 on a walking cane, let alone $3,500.
Although Scott was smart enough to leave Kourtney at home while he pissed away more of Mason's college fund. I wonder if he forged Kris Jenner's signature on the bill for his snazzy new must-haves?
Watching the Kardashians used to be so much fun. These days I can't even be bothered to catch this season's reruns. What happened? Why are we so bored?
Things That Did Not Pass Me By
- The show's only great moment was when Kim's friend Joyce walked into the studio with a huge red bow on her head. The-Dream shouted to Kim, "Uh-Oh. You brought a Christmas present!"
- Did anyone notice that Scott gets very flustered about very stupid things, like his missing cane? Talk about huffing and puffing over something old men rely on to stand upright.
- Do the Kardashian girls wash their faces before retiring to bed? Their pillow cases must be destroyed.