Jersey Shore Recap: A House Divided, Absurd

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Abraham Lincoln famously said that "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Yet a Jersey Shore house divided against itself only stands to be more entertaining.

In this week's installment, friction between Ronnie and Sammi forces peeps to choose sides, while a stalker returns, Deena wears all denim and so much more.

As always, THG breaks down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our official, patented +/- recap below. Let's get it ON!

Vinny and Snooki Photo

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Vinny and Snooki grow closer on a lunch date. Cute, but Minus 10 for the profound words emblazoned on her pants, advice guidos often take literally, deeply.

Later, Vinny decides to get his ears pierced at the Shore Store. First it was the spray tan, now this. At least he's going all out in pursuit of Tool-dom. Plus 7.

Pauly D's hookup is thwarted when Erin’s brother shows up. This seems to happen a lot on Jersey Shore. Minus 5, 'cause celebrities are easy to track down.

Deena: "Let’s be real. You didn’t come here for pastries and like, coffee, you came here to do sex with Pauly and Vinny. You embarrassed yourself." Plus 9.

Snooki is totally Vin's backup hookup. Minus 6 for him making this so obvious, but let's be real. It's Snooki. How is she going to be somebody's Option A?

At Aztec, crazy stalker Danielle shows up once again. “You want me to punch you?” she asks Pauly D. “Do whatever you gotta do," he responds. Plus 11.

Pauly D on a potential cougar hookup: "This woman is not a grenade. This woman is an atomic bomb about to blow." Eh, they've done worse, so Minus 3.

Situation: "It just so happens Deena defies the laws of intelligence. I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist." Plus 4.

JWoww Reacts

When Ronnie's mom drunk-dials you ... this is the reaction.

JWoww intercepts a duck phone call from Ronnie's intoxicated mom. Plus 6. That's not awkward at all. It also indirectly explains a lot about you-know-who.

Connie, Ron's mom, also talks to Deena, hilariously, before Ron gets on the duck and tells her to knock if off because SHE'S embarrassing herself. Minus 5.

Sitch: "Wow. Ronnie's mom's gangsta." Plus 4.

The Situation takes a nap in the dressing room during his shift at the Shore Store. Minus 3, because they should at least pretend they care about working.

Deena's cleavage-baring all-denim outfit is an all-timer, even for this show. It's like she's an early '90s prostitute that could only shop at thrift stores. Plus 4.

Apparently if a girl BREAKS UP WITH A GUY, she’s still not allowed to talk or text any other guys. Even if said guy cheated on her and is abusive. Minus 10.

Sam and Ron Argue

These two really need to just neutral it out.

JWoww: “Can you guys like, maybe neutral it? Because, like, you hit up a girl in Miami?” They may have to negative it at this point, but good point. Minus 5.

Pauly: "They already neutraled that … I say they start with a zero-zero, because he admitted his wrongs to that. This girl is still never admitting." Plus 6.

Sammi now insists that she never told Arvin she wanted to hang out with him, even though this contradicts what she told Ronnie earlier. SHADY. Minus 7.

Pauly is suspicious that Sammi has never mentioned Arvin, even though she now says they are good friends. Moreover ... what kinda name is Arvin? Plus 3.

The Situation actually gets Arvin on the phone and starts to interrogate him about Sammi. Man, this guy doesn't know when to butt out ... ever. Minus 4.

Ron confronts Sammi: “You’re the biggest liar I ever met in my life.” Eh, maybe so, but what she did was 10 times more innocent than his antics. Plus 8.

Minus 5, though, Sam. Because who voluntarily dates this clown?

TOTAL: -1. SEASON TOTAL: +232.

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SAM IS THE SNEAKIEST BITCH. She tells ron i didnt met up with arvin. but bbm was prove so thats a lie. she said she never hooked up with arvin. arvind said on the phone they did. lie 2. sneeky biatch. i hate people who lie and denied evrything and then there is prove and still deny and deny that they lied. lol

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Ron is hot headed and verbally abusive. He said foul things to her and she leaves the house and all the crap he is putting her through. IMO she can call, text or hang out with any guy she wants to while she is at home and has just broken up with Ron.
She owes Ron ZERO, after the crap he said to her!
But stupidly she comes back and hooks up again with him????!!! Mike Pauly and Vinny really showed what Turd's they really are by being so frikkin simpleminded in throwing Sammi down.
Mike doesnt care about Ron, as he claims, Mike has been pissed since day one that Sammi picked Ron instead of Mike - and he is jealous of them period.
He will instigate anything he can to cause them problems. Too bad Ron and sammi are too 'dull' to notice this.

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Check out this blog on word press - good post on Perez Hilton.

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UHhhhh.. Abe Lincln may have repeated it but it was Jesus who made it famous. Lol!

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OMG!!!!! PLEASE GET RON AND SAMMI OFF THIS SHOW.. ITS A HEADACH AND ANNOYING TO LISTEN TO FIGHT AFTER FIGHT WITH THEM. ID SHOOT MYSELF AS WELL IF I HAD TO DEAL WITH THESE TWO. SAMMI, HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SAY YOUR DONE BEFOR YOUR DONE? DUH, YOU ARE HOW OLD.??? I HOPE THEY ARE NOT ON THE NEXT SEASON, THEY MAKE THIS SHOW EVEN DUMBER THAN IT REALLY IS. I HATE THESE TWO TOGETHER, AND I DONT BLAME THE HOUSE MATES WHEN THEY WANT THEM TO BREAK UP AND STAY BROKE UP. YOU ACT LIKE FOOLS, YOU ACT LIKE DUMB ASS WACKOS.. NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR EITHER OF YOU. PLEASE MTV TAKE THESE TWO OFF THE SHOW.. THEY ARE TERRIBLE, AND I AM NOT GOING TO WATCH NEXT SEASON IF THEY ARE ON IT.

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sam is not shady ron u r!!!

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Vinny, a week after getting spray tanned, decided to get his ears pierced. Seems like he's taking his queues on how to be an Italian man from The Situation. T-shirt store Danny is the one who pierced them. Vinny asked how they looked. They look like they belong to a woman. Or a douchebag.