Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio

This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.

Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.

"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.

Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.

Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.

Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.

Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.

The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.

JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.

The man, the myth, the tattooed tanning bed legend - Pauly D of Jersey Shore fame - will officially star in his own spinoff. The Pauly D Project premieres March 29.

His show takes viewers away from Seaside Heights as Pauly D (real name Paul DelVecchio) pursues his DJ dreams, scoring a contract with 50 Cent’s record label.

Between partnering with G-Note Records, opening for Britney Spears on tour and paling around with his friends from Rhode Island, the Project will cover it all.

Season 5 of Jersey Shore wraps on March 15 and airs a reunion special a week later. The Pauly D Project premieres at 10:30 p.m. March 29, after the return of Punk'd.

That show no longer features Ashton Kutcher, but a rotation of guest hosts like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. Khloe Kardashian and Demi Lovato are two "targets."

Pauly D's housemates Snooki and JWoww are also filming a Jersey Shore spinoff, though they were recently barred from their preferred filming location of Hoboken.

What do you think? Will you watch a Pauly D-centric program?

This week, the Jersey Shore gang was intact again - "Vinny's home, bitches!" - but the joy of being a family again quickly gave way to a new set of problems.

Both mental and physical.

Snooki legit peed herself (and worse), while Mike began acting very un-Mike-like and even level-headed JWoww experienced some drama with her BF Roger.

How did it play out after the team got Vinny back and returned to throw it town in Seaside Heights? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny unpacks after returning to the shore house. Good to be back! Plus 7.

Snooki was so excited she "legit" peed herself on the dance floor and rushed off into the restroom to grab some body spray for her kooka area (above). Minus 70.

Deena gets quasi-electrocuted trying to fix her hair extensions. Plus 9.

The following day, Snooki made sure to put on two pairs of underwear in case she had another "accident." In the daytime. Snooki is officially a toddler. Plus 14.

This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

You knew there would be some drama this week on Jersey Shore.

After all, Vinny Guadagnino peaced out of the house and half the crew didn't even know yet, so the reality of their "soul" returning to Staten Island was yet to sink in.

There were also two birthdays and two fools celebrating Meatball Day, which should really become some sort of holiday from now on, at least at The Hollywood Gossip.

How did it all play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Deena breaks down when she hears about Vinny. "He was like, my soul," she says. Really? Your soul? Do you even know what that is? We love Vin but Minus 7.

"I'm going to smash this tattoo chick in my man Vinny's bed tonight, in honor of him leaving the house." - Pauly D with one of the best Jersey Shore quotes to date. Plus 30.

"It is what it is, I'm used to it," says a mature Jenni, who HAS to be the one that implodes at some point, right? She's been way too stable of late. Still, Plus 15.

The Situation speaks Italian with Pauly D's girl. Impressive? Sleazy? Eh, Wash.

Vinny returns home to his family. His mom greets him not with joy and warmth, but by telling him to go to bed. Wasn't expecting the cameras, probably. Plus 5.

Isn't that why he came back, too? To be told what to do by his mom? Minus 5.

"Meatball Day" ends badly for Deena and Snooki. Plus 20, because with those two, it can't possibly end "well" in the conventional sense. They go hard. Respect.

Deena rips out her hair extensions. You mean she's not all-natural?! Minus 10.

Despite being back in the Garden State, and not even two hours away from his beloved family, and despite having reunited with them during last week's Jersey Shore Season 5 premiere, Vinny Guadagnino just could not snap out of his "funk."

We feel for Vin in a sense. Sure, he is a total mama's boy. But coming home after filming Season 4 in the mother land, the cast was given NO time off to decompress. Thrown immediately back into the cesspool that is Seaside, anyone might lose their mind.

Come along as we break down last night's Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Situation reunites with an old flame. Who is actually pretty good looking. We really thought Sitch only threw himself on land mines and grenades. And Snook, who may be hydrogen bomb material by the gang's metrics. Plus 10.

Snooki and Ryder get caught in the rain. They do not like it. We're impressed they can even feel such things with a BAC perpetually over .20. Plus 5.

Unlikeliest bromance ever: The Situation loans Jionni some dry clothes, and in return, Snooki's BF cooks him late-night breakfast. LOL. Plus 13.

“We share a girl, we can share underwear,” he says. Revolting. Minus 5.

Vinny opens up to his boss about his struggles with anxiety. Aww. Jersey Shore after school special anyone? Mental health issues are important! Plus 7.

Please, though, can we drop the pretense that Danny is an actual boss and working at the Shore Store is a real job? These are celebrities now. Minus 18.

Booze. Smooshing. Fights. More Booze. Grenades. Kooka.

They get on our nerves at times, but like family members, we're not ashamed to admit we the Jersey Shore crew and their unique brand of crazineess, even if the fourth season concluded a mere two months ago. Welcome back to America, brah.

Throughout much of last season in Italy, Mike was trying to insert himself in Snooki, and Snooki's relationship with Jionni. That was pretty much the case again in the Season 5 premiere Thursday night, at least the latter part. So what went down?

Come along for THG's official recap, +/- style!!

The roommates head back home and begin filming Season 5 in N.J. immediately, a move MTV said was to "preserve chemistry." More like not allow the ticking time bomb any opportunity to reset. Plus 10 for the viewers who benefit.

As they run up the stairs to the Seaside house, it's like they never left. We feel strangely at home there too by now, even if we feel the need to bathe in hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol after watching each episode. Plus 5.

The first hours back at the Shore are spent: Downing pickle juice (Snook, Plus 5), downing Ron Ron Juice (All, Plus 5), dry humping (Vinny and Pauly, a little over the top, but Plus 1) and a strollin' on the boardwalk (Plus 4). Like old times.

"I'm tanorexic, bro." - Pauly D, about to get his GTL on. Plus 3.

G-G-G-G-G-G-Unit!

Pauly D is officially a member of 50 Cent's G-Unit team. The Jersey Shore star/DJ has just been signed to the rapper's G-Note record label, 50 confirmed on Twitter, adding a photo of the pair together.

Pauly also chimed in about the deal: "Big Big Things In The Works @50cent And @DJPaulyD !!!!!" he Tweeted. "#yeahhhhbuddy" (A rep for G-Unit also confirmed the signing to MTV News.)

Talk of a Pauly D/ 50 Cent collaboration has been floating around since the summer when the MTV reality star teased a joint album to Billboard.

Said the man with the most talent of anyone in his MTV-sponsored house, not that this fact says very much:

"I'm focusing on music. That's my passion. I'm working with 50 Cent now. I'm gonna do an album with him. It's going to be a little bit of everything. It's almost like DJ Khaled and kind of David Guetta but my own DJ Pauly D style."

This deal with Fiddy is merely Pauly's next step in an ever-growing empire. His brand also includes a residency at Las Vegas nightclub Rain at the Palms Resort and Casino. Heck, the tall-haired reality star even opened for Britney Spears on her Femme Fatale Tour this summer and may join her again at her December 10 concert, the final stop on her world tour.

Pauly D is hitting on tour with Britney Spears again.

And this time, reality show cameras will document it!

The Jersey Shore star was Britney Spears' opening act for a few shows back in August, a great gig if you can get it, as her opening acts often end up in positions like this:

Sources say Pauly D will be rejoining Bri for the final show of her Femme Fatale tour, Dec. 10 in Puerto Rico ... after which she may get engaged to Jason Trawick.

Okay, that's just us speculating. But this much is fact: Pauly will be bringing along a crew from his upcoming Jersey Shore spin-off show for MTV to film the concert.

One can only imagine the shenanigans about to go down. Season Five of Jersey begins Thursday, January 5, BT-Dubs. Check out a sneak peek after the jump ...

And like that, another season of Jersey Shore is behind us.

With pranks galore, cheating scandals, Mike being KO'd, Deena saying "do sex" a lot and more shots of Snooki's kooka than we care to remember, it's been epic.

The fourth season finale was a bit anticlimactic, however. You can't force insane fights or girl-on-girl maulings, we realize, but not a whole lot went on Thursday.

Most of the episode revolved around Mike whining and claiming he was about to quit the show for good. Did he make good on that? Will he return for Season 5?

As always, we break down all of the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you as we the Season 4 finale of the MTV reality smush, THG +/- style!

The season finale opened up with another confrontation about Mike. Ronnie tells The Situation to either apologize for causing drama or GTF outta here. Plus 10.

He even drops the A-bomb (Angelina) on Mike. Ouch! Plus 5.

Sam was totally turned on by that conversation. Lucky for Ron, who got to vent his frustrations against Mike by smushing that so good. Delightful. Plus 3.

Pauly D with the commentary: "Everyone knows it took five minutes for them to get their smush on. No wonder why Sam never smiles." LOL, and Plus 4.

Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Magro really have been so drama free this fall by their standards, which is nice ... but Minus 5 since they broke up this week.