Happy Birthday, Spencer Pratt!

by at . Comments

Spencer William Pratt was spawned 27 years ago by Mephistopheles his loving parents. Happy birthday - a few days belated - to the infamous reality TV villain!

We regret missing Pratt's actual birthday, Saturday, but must pay tribute today just the same. After all he's brought to our lives, it was simply not negotiable.

Here's a brief Spencer Pratt career retrospective.

  • 2005: Served as manager/publicist/agent/stylist for BFF Brody Jenner.
  • 2006: Began dating Heidi Montag, resulting in big ratings for The Hills and the end of Montag's relationship with Lauren Conrad for unknown reasons.
  • 2007: Announced, then ended engagement to Heidi Montag; Became whore for the celebrity gossip industry with weekly staged beach photo shoots.
  • 2008: Fake-married Heidi in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico; Filmed hilariously bad Heidi Montag "music" videos; Introduced world to sister Stephanie Pratt.
  • 2009: Married Heidi for real in Pasadena; Starred on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here; Launched rap career; Pimped Heidi out to Playboy; Pretended to get a vasectomy; Feuded publicly and on Twitter with many stars.
  • 2010: Encouraged mass quantities of Heidi Montag plastic surgery; Was dropped from The Hills with no explanation; Was served with divorce papers by Montag; Became increasingly erratic and possibly homeless.

That about covers it. Have a great one, Spence!

  • Homeless Man on the Move
  • Spencer Pratt, 2010
  • Masked Speidi
  • A Speidi Smooch
  • Spencer Pratt Painting
  • He Be Bling Blingin' It
  • Mountain Man
  • And Stay Out!
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Good god Spencer, when you went mental on the sixth and final ever season of MTV's The Hills, you were like an American version of Vyvyan Basterd from BBC's The Young Ones except that unlike Vyvyan, you never smash things up.

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No one cares about Spencer or Heidi. They are working together to try to keep their names in the news. Please stop giving them free publicity. No one cares.

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I wish he had the balls to kill himself. He's too much of a pussy to actually go through with it, but it's nice to dream about. We can only hope that he accidentally overdoses sometime soon, before he has a chance to procreate and further taint the human gene pool.

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HE is the biggest fake loser

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Good Old Prospector Spencer lol....