Lindsay Lohan is officially a wanted woman.
While she parties away in France, a Los Angeles judge formally revoked Lohan's probation, set her bail at $100,000 and issued a bench warrant for her arrest.
"This isn't just a DUI case," Judge Marsha Revel said. "There's reason for the court to be concerned. She has a history of not keeping scheduled appointments."
"I couldn't be more clear about the priority of this case," she added. "She should've made sure she didn't go to Cannes or she should be back two days early."
"She's not here. There's really no valid excuse."
Lohan's attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, tried to defend her client, saying the star now has her passport and will fly home as soon as she can get a flight.
Holley also attempted to convince the court that Lohan's passport was stolen, for real, and wasn't just a really terrible excuse to blow off the DUI hearing.
The prosecutors were not as convinced.
"I'd like to see the ticket that she purchased," said Deputy D.A. Danette Meyers. "I'd like to see some good-faith evidence that she was going to be here."
As for Revel, she wasn't taking any of Holley's excuses, either, and said there was probable cause to believe that Lohan was in violation of her probation.
Basically, if Lindsay Lohan doesn't post the $100,000 bail, she's going to jail. If she does, there are still some pretty intense restrictions placed on her a$$.She'ss been ordered to not drink any alcohol at all until her next hearing. She will also have to start accessorizing with an alcohol-sniffing SCRAM device.
Yup, ankle monitor style!
Until her next hearing, she will also be subjected to random drug testing at least once per week, as determined by the Santa Monica probation office.
The exact reason for Lohan's likely probation violation is failure to adhere to the judge's orders to attend one alcohol education course per week.
"Actions speak louder than words," Revel said. "I warned her."
As for how, exactly, Lohan will enter into police custody, Los Angeles Sheriff's Department spokesman Steve Whitmore said it may not be drama-free.
"This individual will be treated like anyone else," he said, adding that it was possible some cuff-bearing officers could even be waiting for her at LAX!
"At the airport, that is potentially a possibility."
Meanwhile, Holley continued the difficult task of defending Lohan's behavior after the hearing, offering up more excuses for the ill-advised trip abroad.
"As you know... it's her job. The fact of the matter is, she has an excellent report from the alcohol program. She's done 10 of the 13 classes she's supposed to do."
"The fact is, she intended to be here today... her passport was stolen."
So we've heard. Keep telling yourself that, Shawn.