Lindsay Lohan will not be making it to court for her DUI probation hearing tomorrow, and once you hear the reason why, you'll have pretty much heard everything.
Our headline above is not literally true, but it might as well be. Lindsay claims that someone stole her passport in Cannes, France. Theoretically possible? Sure.
But come on. There's no way that happened.
LL claims she actually went to the airport yesterday trying to get on a flight - she's required in court in L.A. Thursday - without a passport but was denied boarding.
She claims that despite the looming ash cloud, she had a flight booked so she could make it back to L.A. for tomorrow's mandatory court hearing on her probation.
Lohan supposedly has an appointment at the U.S. Embassy tomorrow at 9 a.m. to get another passport so she can fly home. We'll see what her excuse is then.
As for the court hearing, Judge Marsha Revel has said that she will issue a warrant for Lindsay Lohan's arrest if the star doesn't show up at 8:30 a.m. as scheduled.
Deputy D.A. Danette Meyers, who is assigned to her case, said: "I hadn't heard that Lindsay's passport was stolen. If that is what truly happened, I'm truly sorry."
"However, if it's a hoax, I can tell you that Judge Revel will take it very, very seriously. Judge Revel and I are both going to be looking into this further. If she is looking for a way to make a non-appearance, we will take that very seriously."
"When was the passport stolen, and when was it reported? I'm pretty sure that if you go to the American Embassy, you can be issued an emergency passport."
Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, said: "I was on the phone with Lindsay's assistant the entire night and we're doing everything we can to resolve this."
Holley adds, "Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes and appear in court tomorrow."
Lindsay Lohan really belongs in ...