Matt Kemp Makes His Pitch to Rihanna

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As you may have heard, Rihanna and Matt Kemp are heating up Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. What attracted the singer to the Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder?

Probably his profile.

Funny or Die style, that is. The comedy site has struck gold before with parodies (namely Kate and Jon Gosselin), and this is no exception.

"I'm looking for a chick with a dude's haircut that likes sharing umbrellas," the faux Kemp says, adding that he digs girls in "clothes that show their nips."

He says emotional baggage is "all good," and before signing off, takes a shot at Chris Brown, noting "Oh, I don't hit chicks. I don't know if that matters."

Check out Matt Kemp's profile ...

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Rihanna Biography

Rihanna in England
Rihanna is a young, hot and successful R&B singer who hails from the Caribbean island of Barbados. She is an artist signed to Def Jam... More »
Saint Michael, Barbados
Full Name
Robyn Rihanna Fenty

Rihanna Quotes

I get asked about it all the time and I’m like, You’re asking, but you know the answer. I don’t even like to address it anymore.

Rihanna [on rumors that she dated Jay-Z]

Sometimes you just need your privacy. But it comes with the territory. There's no privacy when you are out in the public.