Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a Little League team worth of kids at home.
They give to numerous charities.
And nary a named witness has said a word about any fights between the couple.
Yet, according to a supermarket tabloid, the pair cutely dubbed "Brangelina" has broken up. Pitt has even moved out, as this reliable publication screams on its cover:
Beware, Robert Pattinson: There's a good chance this tabloid will next claim Brad Pitt is making a move on Kristen Stewart!
Despite appearances - as well as all sanity and logic - to the contrary, life for Hollywood's hottest couple has never been worse, sources told In Touch Weekly.
“Sure, they look happy in photos,” a friend said. “ [But] the cracks in their relationship are getting deeper and deeper. They are actors and can turn it on for the cameras most of the time.
Hmmm, they are actors! Each has even been nominated for an Academy Award! This story is seeming more likely by the second.
Following an argument in April, an insider said Pitt stormed out of the couple's rented mansion in Long Island, New York: "He told her very clearly that he just can’t live with her anymore."
In response, Jolie has allegedly offered Pitt $90 million for custody of their kids. If we were Brad, we'd totally hold out for $91 million.