In the new issue of Maxim, Audrina Patridge takes her top off, seductively eats some fruit and talks about the wackiest things she's heard about herself.
"That I have chin implants, I've gotten cheek implants, a nose job ... God, everything," The Hills hottie said, denying all of those plastic surgery rumors.
She never specifically denies getting fake boobs, of course.
Audrina also discusses the constant speculation as to her love life: "I took my brother out one night, and he was my boyfriend the next day."
No way that actually happened, but we see the point.
Patridge, who is dating Corey Bohan again, says she barely talks to former co-star Lauren Conrad: "We text every now and then, but that's about it."
Audrina Patridge, topless, washes clothes she apparently doesn't intend to wear at any point. Man, someone wasted a lot of money on that new front-loading washer.
As for pal Heidi Montag? "Heidi ... um, keeps asking me to go to Bible study with her," she says. Somewhere, God is shaking His head at that one.
Audrina is so over The Hills, which she's leaving after this season.
"You know, it's just something that I felt inside," she says. "I'm an adult now, and I don't need all the petty drama and drinking and fighting."
"I've been there, done that, and I'm ready to move on."
Move on to skanky photo shoots for men's magazines, that is. What is it with girls eating fruit in bed? Is that supposed to be a turn-on? How is that an appealing combination? Click to enlarge the Audrina Patridge pictures from Maxim ...