Charlie Sheen Tries to Apologize for Idiocy, Racism

This is classic.

In response to his racist rant that was directed to ex-wife Denise Richards and released yesterday, Charlie Sheen has attempted to apologize.

The Two and a Half Men star said in a statement yesterday that he's so sorry to all African-Americans for his unfortunate word selection:

"I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings."

See, people? Charlie Sheen has a close, black friend. He can't be a racist!

Charlie Sheen points to where his brain is supposed to go.

The actor, of course, had to get in a shot at Richards immediately following this lame excuse for contrition. He explained the basis for the angry voicemail:

"Three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis" because "my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation."

Denise Richards may act offended by these actions, but we know what she's really thinking: reality TV show ratings!

Seriously, how are these two not together? They're perfect for each other.