Last month on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Rob came out of hiding. But in this supertease, the whole family goes into lockdown.
We knew that Quarantining With The Kardashians was coming. We did not know that Khloe’s whole family teased that she is knocking boots with Tristan.
Like any KUWTK trailer, the supertease for the new episodes — airing in September — begins with fun and smiles, as you can see in this post.
Recorded months ago, we see Kris and her three eldest daughters spooning in a large, luxury tent.
Tensions ran high this past season, with Kim and Khloe injuring each other in a vicious physical brawl.
But here, everyone is all smiles. It’s a really cute family moment.
The Kardashians love to pull pranks (to fill time in episodes between the actually interesting storylines).
So Khloe dressed as Kris and pretended to be her while Scott made sure that her antics are recorded.
Kris receives the photos and, at least from what she says on camera, appears to worry that she will need to enter rehab.
If Kris genuinely, truly believes that she did these things and does not remember them, then … Khloe and Scott are gaslighting her.
Some of those Kim vs Kourtney tensions do flare up, however.
Kim accuses Kourtney of not being fully present and engaged in some sort of group conversation that the family is having.
Kourt is right there (and real talk, accusing people of not being present is just policing their facial expressions; don’t be a douchecanoe).
Like, she’s sitting next to Kris. She doesn’t even appear to be on her phone.
Before we continue with our breakdown of the superteaser, which of course you can watch for yourself here in this post …
… Can we talk about North?
She is six years old (and will turn seven in June of this year)
Soon she will be old enough to actually engage with her family’s discussions. Well, in like five years, but still, that’s soon.
We see some interpersonal tensions get teased, but with such vagueness that it’s not clear what is happening.
It appears that Kylie and Kendall are being told that their presence makes things better in some way.
But given the number of tricks that trailers play, that could be misleading.
Kendall is one of those people who is so beautiful that she can make goofy facial expressions on camera whenever she wants because she’s hot.
Up next, Kim talks about returning to Paris with Kanye.
He is doing a fashion show, and she will be going with him.
Obviously, Paris is where Kim was the victim of a horrifying armed robbery.
But Kim doesn’t really dip her toes into that touchy subject — not during this trailer.
Kanye isn’t just bringing his fashion show; Kim says that he is "bringing the Gospel to Paris."
(Not literally, of course — Christianity has been deeply entrenched in France for many centuries, as the country was a Catholic stronghold)
Many have been concerned about Kanye’s impulsive statements in interviews in which he has expressed grandiose sense of self.
However, Kim has been supporting him very aggressively, and is showing no signs of stopping.
Then we get to the big stuff, though it is suspected that this will only come at the end of the season.
The coronavirus pandemic swept the globe and forced hundreds of millions into lockdown to protect their lives and those of their loved ones.
The Kardashians did not stop recording, but instead simply recorded themselves at home to keep everyone safe.
Scott Disick, living in a luxurious mansion with all of his material needs effortlessly met, admits that he is going stir-crazy. Okay.
Kylie is considerably wealthier than Scott, but her segment is more interesting.
In part because she speaks about how someone "close to home" has tested positive for the coronavirus.
That is a frightening thing to happen, as you fear for that person and cannot help but wonder if you contracted it before they knew.
Her segment is also interesting because of her very unfinished makeup job.
Most tantalizing of all for many fans was the news that Khloe and Tristan were on lockdown together to be in one place for True.
This is when her family begins more or less roasting her.
As you can hear in the trailer, they all think that she and Tristan are taking it to poundtown with each other.
After all … there’s not all that much more to do in quarantine, right?
Khloe, of course, denies to her family that she and Tristan boned.
And even if they did, plenty of exes end up banging each other from time to time. Sometimes, it’s just convenient.
But shippers should not get their hopes up too much … probably.
Let’s hope that we can all fair so well as the Kardashian family by the time that this pandemic has run its course.