There's not a whole lot you can count on these days, but thankfully, some things remain as reliable as ever.
For example, Jenelle Evans and David Eason will break up (or pretend to break up) every two to three months.
Maybe that's how long it takes them to awaken from their drug-addled stupor long enough to realize they've married an awful person.
Or perhaps it's not that deep, and they're just get bored out of their minds.
Neither of them has worked in a very, very long time, and they know a little swamp drama is just the thing to drum up some attention and keep things interesting.
The latest round began with a TikTok video in which Jenelle leans against a truck in the dark while apparently wearing a mask and smoking.
Like so many things in Jenelle's life, we don't know how this level of trashiness is possible -- and frankly, we don't want to know.
Anyway, it's the audio that Evans paired with this clip that really has people talking:
The voice-over comes from an episode of the medical drama House, in which Hugh Laurie's title character rants about the difficulty of his life as a disabled, pill-popping narcissist.
We're sure Jenelle can relate to the latter two conditions.
"Life is pain, I wake up every morning I'm in pain," Laurie said in the clip.
"I go to work in pain," he added.
"Do you know how many times I wanted to just give up? How many times I thought about ending it?"
Jenelle captioned the clip "life is pain," adding a "100" emoji, in case anyone doubted that she's still mentally 14 years old.
Apparently feeling that the post was somehow not dramatic enough, she later tweeted:
"Hope you're happy with the storm you're brewing #IfTheShoeFits".
Now, Jenelle doesn't mention David by name here, but as far as we can tell, she only leaves The Land to go mask-less at WalMart.
So unless she got into some sort of beef with a rogue chicken or one of her kids, it's a safe bet that her anger is targeted at David.
Never one to miss out on a little pointless drama, David was quick to passive-aggressively fire back on Facebook.
(These two can't even agree on a social media platform on which to stage their petty squabbles!)
"Some people don't realize how much personal info will hit the tabloids when they go to court," he wrote.
"Litigation makes EVERYTHING PUBLIC!" Eason added.
Well, it sounds like Jenelle and David are finally headed for divorce!
Just kidding, we're not taking the bait this time.
These two have figured out that fighting online instead of in person is the best way for them to stay relevant.
They'll be posting coupled-up pics with captions about how all the haters doubted they would last by this afternoon.