We know a fair amount about Season 5 of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days.
We know the premiere date. We know that there’s a disability storyline, a possible catfish, a cult escapee, fetishization, and more.
But what’s truly refreshing to fatigued 90 Day Fiance fans is that we don’t know these seven new couples.
This new trailer promises an in-depth tease of Season 5, and it’s not letting us down.
As the trailer begins, we see Memphis and Hamza, presumably in his native Tunisia.
We can already see that they seem to have different ideas about what is an appropriate level of PDA, and it’s not what you might expect.
But they clearly have a lot of affection for each other as they walk outside together.
The trailer then shifts over to Ella, from Idaho, practicing her swordsmanship in her yard.
We can already viscerally feel how cruel both editing and audiences are going to be to Ella this season, but we’d love to be wrong.
Ella gushes over her affection for Johnny, her Chinese boyfriend who plans to visit her soon, but the trailer gives off huge vibes of fetishization.
"I am super into everything Asian culture," Ella says in a voiceover. "So when I saw Johnny, I was like ‘Oh. My. God. Jackpot!’"
To be fair, those are almost certainly two unrelated statements that have been strung together to make Ella seem like she’s objectifying Johnny.
That said … even if editors are pulling a fast one (which is arguably their job, especially in trailers), there’s clearly some of that going on.
Then we’re on to our new Michigan native, Gino, and his lovely lady from Panama, Jasmine.
There have been aggressively horny couples on this franchise before, and clearly, Gino and Jasmine fit the bill.
Jasmine has had a lot to say in the few seconds of footage that we’ve seen of her, including a promise to "break" Gino that night.
Mike from New York and Ximena from Colombia appear next, with Mike raving about their night of passion.
Ximena isn’t shy about telling the cameras that, to her, it was "normal" and "no big deal."
That’s deeply awkward for Mike, whether he understood her or not. Let’s hope that this was an editing shenanigan.
Up next are Caleb and Alina (yes, another Russian named Alina), childhood friends who recently got back in touch … and sparked a romance.
Alina is gorgeous. She is also disabled.
As we see the two of them, Caleb confesses to her that she is smaller than he expected … but only says that it’s "different," not disappointing.
We said that there are seven new couples, and that is true.
But the familiar face in the bunch belongs to Usman Umar, the self-styled Nigerian music star.
He is once again with an older white woman from America: a 50-year-old San Diego woman named Kimberly.
In this new trailer, we see her ridiculing the organization of Usman’s latest music video.
She is acting like his manager or director, demanding a higher energy performance from him.
It seems clear that part of the source of her ire is that the music video involves attractive young women. Sound familiar?
The trailer jumps back to Ximena, who is shaming Mike for his flatulence, telling him that it makes her "fall out of love" with him.
Finally, we see another member of the cast, 52-year-old Ben, who is also from Michigan.
The new member of the cast (and expected new TV villain) freely admits that he has a 28-year age difference with 24-year-old Mahogany from Peru.
"We have Jesus in common," Ben says. "So, I know it will work."
On the one hand, Ben escaped from an oppressive cult, which is an interesting and triumphant story that we’d love to hear.
But … usually older pastors marrying pretty girls less than half their age is what happens in the cult, not after you get out.
Ben arrives at the airport and finds that he is ghosted by Mahogany, with whom he has never video chatted — only seen photos.
"I feel foolish," he admits to the camera as he realizes that he still has not seen this woman. "And it hurts."
Next, we see that Caleb and Alina are dealing with some kind of undefined trust issues.
Then, in Tunisia, Hamza confesses to Memphis that he is "afraid" of her, and that he needs more time before marrying her.
A tearful Memphis does not take this well.
"I’m tired of being betrayed," she laments. "And I’m tired of being hurt."
"Why don’t you want to have sex with me, though?" Kimberly demands of Usman while they are in bed together.
(It really feels like they’re recreating that ludicrous 2020 meme of Usman and Lisa in bed together; shoutout to production for swinging that)
As Kimberly calls this "so f–king crazy," Usman gets out of bed and tells her goodnight, storming out.
Then, in Idaho, a tearful Ella gets some sort of disappointing news from Johnny — it sounds like he won’t make it on schedule.
She cries, lamenting that this won’t happen, but it’s unclear if his travel is delayed due to unforeseen circumstances or if he’s breaking up with her long-distance.
Either way, there’s clearly heartbreak.
"One of your exes sent me a message," Jasmine tells Gino. "Did you send her naked pictures of me?"
Oh that would be a huge violation, illegal in more and more places (as it should be).
A crying Jasmine gets up and storms away, while Gino admits that he’s unsure of "where we go from here."
We’ll see all of that mess and a lot more when 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Season 5 premieres on December 12.
That premiere is about three weeks away, but we’re sure that we’ll hear more about these new stars and couples before then.
For now, let’s bask in an all-too-rare thing in the 90 Day Fiance world these days: the unknown. Because these are new people (and Usman), not the same old drama.