Riley and Violet have a lot in common. Maybe too much.
The 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days couple had another fight and blocked each other.
Now, on Season 6, Episode 12, it’s time to make peace.
Or at least to try. And then to see how long peace can last with these two.
Riley and Violet
After learning about some cultural nuances, Riley unblocked and messaged violet. Now, he’s waiting for her with a huge bouquet of flowers — and an apology. Riley learned that Vietnamese culture might allow family to ask blunt questions of a suitor, but that there’s a hyper-literal definition of “family” involved. His longtime friend might be his sister by American standards, but for Violet, her questions were unexpected and out of line. And that’s not the only issue.
“I think maybe he know it’s his fault”
Violet, too, decided to unblock Riley. She saw the message that he had sent, and she is ready for an apology. As far as she is concerned, Riley is the only one who did anything wrong. If she’s talking about the dinner, she’s right. Overall, though, they both have some communication and conflict resolution issues to work through. They are so intensely stubborn and proud that every conflict seems to turn into a fight. A true case of being too similar.
“How can you trample me with another people?”
In addition to the shock of Riley’s friend asking her questions like the ones that her mother asked Riley, Violet feels betrayed. “You never protect me,” she accuses Riley. As we know, this is a sensitive topic for her, as her ex-husband wouldn’t defend her. She needs Riley to show that he will protect her, not gang up on her.
A sincere apology is a good start
But Violet wants to know that Riley knows what he did wrong. She also tells him, fairly bluntly, that she did nothing wrong. It doesn’t look like Riley agrees, but he does seem to accept that. The more that they talk, however, the less standoffish they both become. Violet eventually smiles and assures Riley that she receives his apology.
There’s another issue
According to Violet, she sometimes struggles because she is LITERALLY unsure of how to answer Riley’s questions. They agree that, in the future, he’ll write things down and translate for her, and then they can talk about these serious topics without a missing or misunderstood word making a huge difference in the meaning of their statements.
Remember when they went to the clothing store?
Violet and Riley ended up having a fight later, in part because Violet called him “ugly” to the store clerk who took his measurements. They both had cultural nuances to explain to each other. However, he did get a fantastic — and formal, and traditional — outfit from the visit. Now, with just a few days left on his trip, Riley is gearing up to go out with Violet.
He looks great!
In fact, Violet showers Riley with compliments over his look. The two meet up to visit a Buddhist temple. Violet has enjoyed showing Riley parts of her city and her culture, and this is one of them.
Violet is not personally Buddhist
However, she visits the temple to center herself and process her emotions. We suspect that, were she a native English speaker, she might have said that she is “not religious but spiritual” to explain while she will visit the temple to pray without personally identifying as Buddhist. Anyway, their day out together goes very well.
But …
Violet has something else to talk about with Riley. And she’s not sure how to bring it up just yet. Even though she often seems blunt, she doesn’t want to make things awkward.
Go fly a kite!
Violet takes Riley to fly kites, which is apparently a popular pastime in Ho Chi Minh City. Riley has never done this before, but he quickly gets the hang of it.
Violet has a question
Their idea is to bring her and her daughters to the US. This will mean leaving behind her career and spending months or even years unable to work. Even when she has a work visa or green card, Violet might not have the same opportunities in the US that she has at home in Vietnam. There are language barriers, credentials barriers, racism, and more that could be obstacles. So she asks about Riley’s financial situation. Violet being Violet, she asks pretty bluntly.
“Broke,” is it?
RIley tells her that he has about $100,000 in savings. Though he jokes that he makes “broke look good,” that is not “broke.” He’s not rich, but in a time when an unexpected $1,000 emergency expense would be financially devastating to the average American, he’s doing just fine. Violet doesn’t know US currency, so perhaps she misses Riley’s humility. A better way to explain his standing might be “a small grocery order is about $100,” though you’d then have to explain what counts as a “small” order to you. Listing things like rent, how much a dinner at a restaurant costs, and more can help to clarify how much power a dollar has in the US. That’s better than converting currencies and calling it a day, because expenses are what make the difference.
But …
Riley asks Violet if she regrets the incident where she messaged his father. It’s a weird thing to do, in American culture. Not “oh, that’s weird” but more along the lines of “red flag to instant dealbreaker” strange to message a parent whom you’ve never met to badmouth their kid whom you’re dating. Pretty much the only time that it’s socially acceptable is if he did something genuinely very bad — something creepy or criminal — and you want his mom to know because you’re never speaking to him again but someone aught to know about it. Anyway … Violet says that she has no regrets.
“Riley and I were arguing and I was very mad”
Violet tells the camera that she didn’t say anything that wasn’t true in her angry messages to Riley’s father. She also makes it clear that she resents that Riley has brought this up.
“You are the King Kill Feelings”
Violet tells Riley that he has once again soured her mood. Crowing him the “King Kill Feelings,” Violet bluntly makes it clear that she feels that he has this tendency to ruin a good time. Maybe … but Riley explains to the camera that he’s trying to talk about these topics because they need to discuss them if they’re ever going to move on. He wants a future with her, but he wants to deal with the past first.