Don't threaten us with a good time, Bravo.
The Real Housewives of Orange County has released their midseason trailer for Season 14.
Sometimes, demotions aren't as bad as they seem.
Folks, Vicki Gunvalson shows up more in this trailer than she did in the entire first half of the season.
She could be well on her way to regaining her orange.
In the mean time, the other ladies are filling in with more drama than anyone ever asked for or needed.
Take a look at our breakdown and scroll to the bottom to watch the trailer for yourself!
Let the drama begin
The trailer gets off to a rocky start, and not just because the ever-dramatic Tamra Judge is there.
Some Housewife falls are a big deal -- most of the Housewives aren't exactly young and spry. Hopefully, fitness fanatic Tamra is fine after such a short fall.
Looks okay to us
Despite the beverages on the table, it's unclear what caused her to fall out of her chair. But ... the drinks on the table are a good hint.
And I ... Oop!
Forgive our meme reference, but honestly, how else do you describe this image? Poor Shannon has been through so much, and now her hair is very much on fire.
We mentioned that Vicki shows up more in this trailer than she did in the entire first half of the season, and we weren't kidding. Fortunately, she doesn't spend most of it dressed like this. She's going for a cinderella fairy godmother look but, in different lighting, she could be the big bad in a new horror franchise.
Kelly "comes out"
Kelly jokes that she is "buy-sexual,": saying: "Buy me something, then I'll be sexual." Tamra ... please sit down.
Speaking of Kelly's sex life ...
Here we see where Dr. Brian has a serious conversation with her. He even uses the term "just be friends." Kelly clearly feels nauseated and frankly, so do we.
And the award goes to ...
Vicki is engaged, which is very exciting. But since everyone knew that it was coming, this is some grade-A face acting over the engagement ring. Who says that reality stars can't cross over to scripted media?
Gina hooked up with her husband but tries to minimize it. Tamra confronts her, asking if she touched his dongo. She did. Tamra, very seriously, cautions her to be careful -- and in light of Matt's arrest in June, she's right. Of course, this was probably filmed earlier. Gina, your ex is hot, but he's your ex.
Speaking of exes ...
Emily has a serious talk with Shane (again) about not feeling like he respects her. Girl, if he doesn't respect you, leave him. Talking about it won't change squat.
Time for some therapy
So Tamra sits down with her eldest, worst child, Ryan Vieth. He has expressed self-loathing and a feeling that he is worthless. He's been arrested for domestic abuse before and recently made a horrifying post about a transgender child and that child's parents. Not that it's an excuse, but his issues with self esteem probably help explain why he lashes out at others, including loved ones and vulnerable minorities. Again, not an excuse, just an explanation.
Tamra's heart is broken
Hearing her eldest son -- she gave birth to Ryan when she was just 18, which is also a factor in his behavior -- speak about himself as worthless makes her want to die. It's not always easy to feel sorry for Tamra but I have to admit that I kind of do here.
Braunwyn is out of control
At least, that's what her castmates and producers would have us believe. They hold a mini-intervention to talk to her about her drinking (she does black out, whoops). When Housewives think that you're drinking too much, take a long look in the mirror.
There's a lot of angry
It's not entirely clear who "she" is in this scene, but the vow to "destroy her life" after "she" opted to "f--k with her family" should maybe be taken seriously. Except that it's on camera.
This is maybe the best that Tamra has ever looked and I can't help wondering if she could pull off an undercut. Tamra, PLEASE consider it.
Speaking of Tamra
She's doing her best impression of the Pikachu meme after being told that "someone" (implied to be Gina, but really, who can tell with separate scenes in a trailer like this) didn't like her outfit. The accusation that she drinks too much did not evoke such a reaction.
There's a lot of squabbling
The trailer goes purely chaotic, as you'll see for yourself, and everyone appears to be at each other's throats. On the one hand, that could just be editing. On the other ... these ladies are all nuts enough to get into fights for no reason. That's their whole job.
Shannon seems a little intense ...
Her daughters have to call her out for too much coaching, and she clearly does not enjoy it. Have fun continuing to have three teens, Shannon.
Showdown in Miami
The climax of the trailer would have to be the Miami trip, where we see Vicki in particular really face off with Kelly Dodd. But why is an ambulance called? We'll have to tune in to find out.
These women are all bonkers, but that's why they make such entertaining reality stars. Who would tune in to watch a bunch of women make good decisions and speak to each other calmly and rationally?