If you're a fan of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2, then you know that many of the people on the MTV reality shows have tattoos.
You also know that a lot of the tattoos ...
... well, they aren't what you'd call ...
... what's the word we're looking for ...
... oh yeah. Good.
Some are poorly done, some are kind of strange, and some are nightmarish and horrifying and completely, unbelievably bad.
So steady yourself, grab some smelling salts and pearls to clutch, and let's rank all the Teen Mom ink we can get our eyes on!
Amber's Tattoo of Leah
Here, let's just start with the worst of the worst, all right? This is Amber Portwood's portrait of her daughter, Leah. It's right on her stomach, it also features a gigantic rose, and it's not finished. Will she ever get it finished? It's hard to say. We will ever be able to get this haunting image out of our heads? Unlikely.
Since we're already talking about Amber's tattoos, she also got this matching tattoo with Matt Baier, back when they first started dating. It reads "vero amore," which is supposed to be Italian for "true love." So that's embarrassing.
Speaking of Embarrassing ...
Matt also has this huge tattoo of Amber's name right on his forearm. Just right there on his arm where he has to look at it all day, every day.
Matt actually has several tattoos, many of which you can see on his nude book cover. We won't waste more time on him here, so if you feel the need to look more closely at his naked greasy bod here, then you have our blessing. However, we will say that on his other arm, he has a couple of Chinese characters that he says mean "clean and sober," but that Teen Mom detectives have actually determined mean "Lisa."
As hard as it may be to believe, Matt isn't the only guy to get Amber Portwood's name tattooed on his body -- Gary Shirley made the exact same mistake. Thankfully he was smart enough (???) to get the tattoo on his shoulder instead of on his forearm though, and he's since covered up.
It's Gary Time
Gary also has a ... what is that, a sun? A blob with tentacles? Whatever it is, he's also got some tattoo right in the middle of his chest, peeking out through all his body hair.
You might not remember this one, since Farrah Abraham's body modifications are typically more plastic than this, but she has a tattoo, too! She's got this little heart with flowers and birds that reads "Mom," down on her ankle. It's not so bad, right? But she didn't get this in honor of her own mother, Debra Danielsen -- no, Farrah got this in honor of herself. “Being the amazing mom I am:) #Tattoo <3 Always !" she captioned this photo when she shared it on Twitter. Classic.
A Tattoo for Carly
Catelynn Lowell got this tattoo on her shoulder in honor of Carly, the daughter she and Tyler Baltierra placed for adoption. As you can see, there's her little baby footprint, her name, and her birthday. She got the tattoo in the first season of Teen Mom, shortly after giving birth to Carly.
One More for Carly
Tyler got himself some Carly ink when Cate got hers -- his is a handprint, along with her name and birthday.
And One for Nova!
Tyler also has this Batman-themed piece in honor of his other daughter, Nova, taking up most of his bicep. When he got this one, Catelynn got her footprint on top of her own foot, because you have to be fair with tattoos honoring those you've birthed!
Don't Forget Vaeda!
A few weeks after Catelynn gave birth to their third spawn, Tyler got yet another Batman tattoo in her honor. A lot of people thought it looks like a penis. That's because it does.
Right around the same time, he also got this quote from one of the movies on his forearm.
Come On, Tyler
He's got this one, too.
... For Real Though?
Look, Tyler loves Batman, OK? That's not a crime. And if it was, he's got like four different Batmans on his body to fight that crime. Don't even worry about it.
Here you can see Cate's Carly tattoo, as well as the one she has on her opposite shoulder -- it says "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
Catelynn got this one shortly after leaving rehab in 2016, and, fittingly enough, she shared this same photo when she went to rehab for a second time. As you can probably tell by now, all of Catelynn and Tyler's tattoos are precious and meaningful and we would never, ever be snarky about them.
In All the World ...
After spending several more weeks in rehab at the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018, Catelynn got another tattoo. This isn't completed yet, but it looks like she's got some stuff to represent Arizona, where her treatment center is, as well as the beginning of the classic Maya Angelou quote, "In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."
Maci Bookout has a lot of tattoos. Like, a LOT. Here's her back, featuring an anatomical heart on her shoulder, the word "bulletproof" on her other shoulder, Bentley's name down on her hip, the words "learn to feel" coming across her ribs there, and a great big piece of notebook paper in the center. On the paper -- or at least kind of on the paper -- is a poem she wrote, and then there's her last name with cupcakes in the place of the O's. The cupcakes represent her mom, her dad, and her brother. We told you it was a lot.
So Many Tattoos
Maci also has a sleeve -- there's a tissue on her shoulder, signifying a shoulder to cry on, and a pencil down on her forearm, representing her love of writing. There's a whole bunch of other stuff, too, and we're sure every little thing has some deep meaning for her.
Things That Matter
Maci also got this tattoo that presumably represents the clothing company she owns with her husband, Things That Matter. That's sweet, but also pretty good advertising, especially considering she later released a shirt inspired by the tattoo.
Unfortunately, we couldn't find a great photo of this, but Maci's husband, Taylor McKinney, has an anatomical heart of his own, surrounded by three names -- Jayde, Maverick, and Bentley. Jayde and Maverick are the two children he and Maci share, but he got Bentley's name too because, as he said "he's there for life." Taylor is so great.
Meanwhile, on Ryan's Body ...
Ryan Edwards has a tattoo of Bentley's name too - a huge one on his ribcage, flanked by angel wings. He also has some motocross flags on his shoulder.
Good Ol' Leah Messer
Leah has a flock of birds on her shoulder -- a little basic, but fine. The really embarrassing part is those letters after the quote. Because those are Jeremy Calvert's initials.
There are some adorable little stars behind her ear, too!
For One Twin ...
One of her feet has a tattoo that says "Grace," which is the middle name of one of the twins.
... And the Other
Her other foot says "Hope," which -- you guessed it! -- is the other twin's middle name.
More Twin Tats!
Corey Simms got a piece for his two little girls -- there's Ali and Grace, the names the twins go by, and their birthday.
Keep It Simple
Corey has his own last name on an arm, too ... in case he forgets or something? Why do people do this?
Gotta Have Faith
People up in West Virginia sure must love these name tattoos -- this is Jeremy Calvert's arm, and Faith is his daughter Addie's middle name.
Here's Briana DeJesus' very first tattoo -- she got it right when she turned 18!
Here's another of Briana's. It is an ex-boyfriend's name right under her boob. She's made better choices, and we'll think of an example, just give us a few days.
This is her first daughter's name in Arabic on her back. So this one is OK.
There's a Leap
In 2020, Briana started dating a tattoo artist, and just like that she went from a girl who had a couple of tattoos here and there to a girl who had an entire half sleeve ...
... And the half sleeve quickly turned into a full one when her guy added this to her upper arm. As of now, she's engaged to this artist, so there's a pretty good chance we could be seeing even more new tattoos for her soon!
And Now for Kailyn ...
Kailyn Lowry has approximately a billion tattoos. No one on this earth has time to document each and every one of them, but you can get a good look at her sleeves here.
In this photo, you can get a better look at one of her sleeves. It's interesting, because unlike most of her Teen Mom costars, she actually has quality tattoos. Sorry not sorry.