Did someone dare Ronnie Ortiz-Magro to get as messy as possible this month?
Because that's what it's starting to feel like.
If you keep up with all the latest comings and goings of the Jersey Shore crew, then you know that Ronnie has had quite a few issues with his girlfriend and the mother of his daughter, Jen Harley.
And if you weren't aware -- or even if you just want a nice little recap along with all the latest information -- then let's get right into it.
A Love Story
This is Ronnie with Jen Harley, a girl he dated for a few weeks before she got pregnant last year. We didn't hear too much about their relationship for a long time, but now it feels safe to say that their relationship has probably never been a fairy tale.
Cutting It Close
Seriously, Ronnie dated Malika Haqq until last July, and he got Jen pregnant about a month after that. It's wild out there.
When we heard that they were expecting a child together, no one really thought much of it, besides "look, those crazy Jersey Shore kids are growing up!" But then Jersey Shore started airing again, and all the drama came to light.
Bad, Bad Ronnie
Even though Jen was defintely pregnant when they filmed the show, Ronnie went back to his old cheating ways. He took some girl to the bathroom, they did some stuff, then he kept drinking and started running his mouth to his roommates about Jen.
“I don’t trust her for shit. I don’t,” he admitted. “So all I can do is act happy and be the best father I can be, and at the end of the day, I’m still f-cking miserable. If Jen was not pregnant, I don’t know if I’d be with her.”
Not a Great Move
It was dumb to talk about all of that on television, but he did, and soon after, his relationship with Jen exploded. But, oddly enough, it wasn't because of what happened on the show. At least, not directly.
As hilarious as it sounds, after acting like a jackass on TV while his pregnant girlfriend was sitting at home, Ronnie posed this question to his Instagram followers, asking theoretical questions about sex tapes and respect in relationships. Oh, Ronnie ...
The Gutter, Seriously?
Next, he let everyone know that you "can't turn a natural born HOE, into a HOUSE WIFE," and then acted like he'd done Jen some big favor by dating her. Because he rescued her from the gutter, you see? He's a hero.
Jen responded with this, and honestly "can't turn a coke head into a father" seems more accurate than that thing about hoes Ron said.
A Sincere Apology
For some reason, Ron backed down and offered up this apology, and really we need to just use this moment to consider that Jen's Instagram handle is "tater_tot_kitty" and appreciate that.
The apology didn't last long though, because then he shared a few texts from a friend. Texts that alleged that Jen cheated on Ron by having sex with another guy on a taco float and that she is a "worthless cum dumpster."
The Truth or Nah?
Jen didn't deny any of that, but she pointed out that he also cheated on her "and then leaves me with a newborn baby." Really, the whole thing is just terrible.
And after that, we got this horrific video in which he seems to threaten her with physical violence. Because this whole thing wasn't bad enough already.
And then, wouldn't you know it, he apologized one more time with "I want to apologize to my family, friends, and fans. This is a private matter that should have never been made public. I remain focused on my daughter and she is my number one priority."
What a Shock
In case you couldn't put this together by all of that, they broke up. Surprisingly, multiple sources are reporting that they're still friendly though, or at least friendly enough to co-parent.
Because -- sorry, we forgot to mention this -- their daughter Ariana was born last month. So in the middle of all of this, there was a poor little newborn.
But it looks like poor, innocent little Ariana might be part of her parents' dumb feud herself now -- a new report claims that Ronnie wants a paternity test.
"They had only been dating for a few months when Jen discovered she was pregnant," a source explains. "Pals are telling him to get a paternity test."
A Standup Guy
The source adds that if it turns out that Ariana is his biological daughter then "he will honor his commitment," but he really feels strongly about getting the test.
And that's because "He feels so angry and betrayed right now." Poor Ron is "determined to go through with it."
Smooth Move, Ron
Because after everything else than he said about Jen, why not throw in a paternity dispute? Just for fun, even.
But don't worry, because even though the paternity thing has been getting quite a bit of traction, Ronnie's already denied it with this handy little hashtag fest!
So Many Hashtags
In his post, he instructed the tabloids to "get new sources," and about that sweet baby, he wrote "that's my world" and "she's my life." He also added three "fake news" hashtags, in case you didn't get the picture.
More Baby, Less Drama
After denying that report, he shared a new, precious photo of his daughter, pointedly stating that she's he's "twin."
That Poor Baby
So for now, it looks like everything's cool between Ronnie and Jen, and that Ronnie is more than willing to take care of his child. That could all change in the next hour, of course, so let's just appreciate the peace while we can.