Rob Lowe Roast: The 19 Best Burns

by at .

Rob Lowe is not just good looking.

He's also a good sport.

This much was made evident after Jimmy Carr, Ann Coulter, Pete Davidson, Nikki Glaser, Jewel, Ralph Macchio, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jeff Ross gathered to Roast the star on Comedy Central.

Here's a collection of the best disses from the event:

1. Jimmy Carr:

Jimmy Carr:
In the '80s Rob was a member of the Brat Pack. Or as they're now collectively known, the C-List.

2. Jimmy Carr, on Ann Coulter:

Jimmy Carr, on Ann Coulter:
Ann is one of the most repugnant, hateful, hatchet-face bitches alive. It's not too late to change, Ann. You could kill yourself.

3. Jimmy Carr, One More Time:

Jimmy Carr, One More Time:
My friends back home aren't going to believe it when I tell them that they let me roast Charlie Sheen's brother's best friend.

4. Ann Coulter, on Jimmy Carr:

Ann Coulter, on Jimmy Carr:
We have comedian Jimmy Carr with us because of [Barack] Obama's lax immigration policy

5. Pete Davidson

Pete Davidson
Let's give it up for Rob Lowe - or as gonorrhea doctors call him, Patient Zero.

6. Pete Davidson, on Ann Coulter:

Pete Davidson, on Ann Coulter:
Last year we had Martha Stewart, who sells sheets, and this year we have Ann Coulter, who cuts holes in them. You racist c--t.

7. Pete Davidson, One More Time:

Pete Davidson, One More Time:
People call Rob Lowe a bad actor, but that's because they never saw him tell his wife he didn't f-ck that nanny.

8. Nikki Glaser:

Nikki Glaser:
Rob defies age...restrictions. Really, you're a f--king Adonis. I hate you. You look like you're sculpted. You put the 'statue' in 'statutory rape.' God, I had such a crush on you when I was a little girl. If only I'd known that's when I had my best shot.

9. Nikki Glaser, on Ann Coulter:

Nikki Glaser, on Ann Coulter:
Ann, you are awful. The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave.

10. Nikki Glaser, on Jewel:

Nikki Glaser, on Jewel:
Jewel, I don't want to badmouth you, since God already did. Your teeth are like the Spice Girls: They're all different colors and doing their own thing.

11. Jewel, on Ann Coulter:

Jewel, on Ann Coulter:
I do want to say, as a feminist, that I can't support everything that's been said tonight. But as someone who hates Ann Coulter, I'm delighted.

12. Jewel, on Ralph Macchio:

Jewel, on Ralph Macchio:
Who doesn't love Ralph Macchio? Bill collectors. And actual karate masters. And real actors. Italians. You know: people.

13. Lowe, on Jewel:

Lowe, on Jewel:
After listening to your last album, [Jewel], I think you should go back to sleeping in your car with the engine running and the garage door closed.

14. Lowe, on Ann Coulter:

Lowe, on Ann Coulter:
Everyone is asking, why is Ann Coulter here tonight? Because the right-to-lifers wanted everyone to see what abortion looks like up close.

15. Lowe, on Coulter Again:

Lowe, on Coulter Again:
Ann, after your set tonight, we've all witnessed the first bombing that you can't blame on a Muslim.

16. Lowe, on David Spade:

Lowe, on David Spade:
SNL has just released a compilation of David's best sketches: It's called The Best of Chris Farley.

17. Peyton Manning, on Coulter:

Peyton Manning, on Coulter:
I'm not the only athlete up here. As you know earlier this year, Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby.

18. Rob Riggle

Rob Riggle
Rob, in both your sex tapes, you appeared with two other people. Good God, man. You can't even carry a sex tape. You're like the me of sex tapes. Self-deprecating! Beats you to the punch!

19. Jeff Ross:

Jeff Ross:
The truth is, Rob, roasting you wasn't easy. I mean, what can I really say about you that hasn't already been said in court by three nannies, a chef and an underage girl from Atlanta?

Wait! There's more! Just click "Next" below:

Next
Show Comments
Star:
Rob Lowe
Related Photos:
Rob Lowe Slideshows
Related Post:
Created by:
Published:

Rob Lowe Biography

Rob Lowe Pic
Rob Lowe may have lived a questionable private life - he made news in the spring of 2008 for a series of lawsuits former employers filed... More »
Born
Full Name
Rob Lowe