Jenelle Evans would like your attention.
She'd like you to listen up.
Could you scoot up close to your computer screens please? Turn off the television? Remove all distractions?
The polarizing MTV personality knows what you've been saying and thinking about her marriage to well-known bigot David Eason and she very much wants to set the record straight.
Okay? Are you ready?
Scroll down to see what Jenelle has to say...
Are They Together or What?
All loyal Teen Mom fans have been wondering for months about the status of this marriage, beginning back in October with the alleged assault against Jenelle... committed by Eason.
Yes, Jenelle Stood Up for David Afterward
She claimed he didn't touch her at all. But then rumors of a separation starting making their way around the Internet.
What Made Folks Think This?
Well... Jenelle wondered aloud online in February, 'Wonder where my husband went?" -- which seemed to be the first time she hinted at a split.
And then David changed his Facebook profile to include his "single" status. Speaks for itself, right?
And then Evans first changed her status to read "separated," prior to really driving this point home.
As F-ck, People
She even changed her profile picture and said she was "Single AF."
Evans then seemed to be telling the world that she was single and quite ready to mingle.
So There We Had It, Right?
Not so fast, sadly.
You Don't Know My Life!
Jenelle actually shared this on Instagram in response to the many Hollywood Gossip stories about her ever-changing relationship.
Fake News? We Guess?
We just reported on Jenelle's own social media posts, but whatever. We'd be happy to print her exact words in an interview if she wanted to grant us one.
But She Did Grant One to E! News
We're trying not to be overly offended.
What Did She Say?
First, the MTV star explained to fans that she's experiencing some health problems that could make it difficult to travel all the way to New York City for the upcoming reunion.
She's Really Not Gonna Show Up?
There have been mixed reports about this, wirh some outlets alleging Evans would skip the taping to protest MTV's firing of Eason.
But This is a New Excuse
"I've been in a lot of pain, more than usual, for the last two weeks," Jenelle explained to E!. "I'm seeing a doctor next week to see what they say about traveling for the reunion but that appointment is also to discuss surgery possibilities."
She's Just Keeping It 100
"I wanted to be honest with everyone now before confirming the trip and cancelling last minute and wasting everyone's time and money," she added.
"It is really disappointing, though, because I had other things planned during my trip other than the reunion and this is holding me up from everything," Jenelle continued on this topic.
Can We Talk About Her Marriage Please?
Yes. Here you go: "Things are fine between me and David," she tells E!.
But... All Those Posts and Rumors?
"I heard since he's not on social media as much we broke up... and tons of other rumors," Evans went on in this chat
, adding: "But I just don't post unless I have makeup on and when I don't, I take videos of my animals and kids a lot."
Ummm... What About Those Status Changes We Just Posted?
You did write those, Jenelle. But whatever. Go on, please...
Ups and Downs are Normal
"When you're married for a while, you don't take Snapchat selfies every day of each other. You're occupied with family and life," Evans says here simply.
And Those Seemingly Poor Kids?
They are totally happy and healthy!
For Real, Jenelle?
"Kaiser just learned all about leprechauns and won't stop talking about it," Evans randomly shared with E!. "Jace is trying to learn BMX biking. Ensley is sassy like crazy and loves to boss around her brothers."
Evans Sounded Pretty Concerned About These Kids in Her Infamous 911 Call
She told an operator that Eason beat her up in October and may be armed and her kids were asleep and she didn't know what to do.
Remember This Jenelle Quote?
“My husband, he just assaulted me,” the Teen Mom 2 star told a dispatcher. He pinned me down on the ground in the yard, and I think I heard my f-cking collarbone crack and I can’t move my arms."
He Was Wasted and Angry
Evans claimed Eason "got violent because he was drinking.”
Pretty Crazy, Right?
Nope, pretty normal, Jenelle later clarified, alleging she had never been assaulted by Eason and acting annoyed that fans would think otherwise.
So... What Happened?
Jenelle told Us Weekly awhile later she had been drinking and was upset with David for not answering his phone while he was out. Once David returned home, Jenelle said: “I was like basically running towards him cussing, and then I tripped over this frickin’ hole. Well, he saw that I tripped, and he went to go catch me, and then he fell too. So we both fell, and when we fell, he fell on top of me.”
She Fell Into a Hole?
Yes, she insited. "When we got back up, I was crying, I was screaming, I was mad. I was like, ‘You put me down on purpose!’ He’s like, ‘No, I didn’t!’ I said, ‘Yes, you did!’ So it was like a big drunk misunderstanding — on my part.” This was really her story.
Listen to her 911 call above and see if this sounds like someone who fell into a hole.
But It Doesn't Sound Like She's Leaving David Any Time Soon
Those poor kids.