Farrah Abraham Talks Adoption, Probation, Eating People's S--t in Gloriously Nonsensical Interview

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Admit it ... you've missed Farrah Abraham's presence on Teen Mom OG

Sure, she was obnoxious, and entitled, and emotionally abusive to the people closest to her, but Farrah delivered the goods in terms of drama.

Fortunately for us, she remains as crazy as ever.

Even more fortunately, due to her persistent thirst for attention, it's easy to keep track of her shenanigans through podcasts and social media.

And folks, the Backdoor Teen Mom is still tossing nonsensical word salads like it's her job - which we guess it sort of is these days.

Check it out:

1. Guess Who's Back

Guess Who's Back
Farrah never really went away, but in recent weeks, she's been "back" in a big way.

2. Queen of the Court

Queen of the Court
Part of the reason for her re-emergence is that Farrah is involved in multiple court battles at the moment.

3. The Fighter

The Fighter
Interestingly, Farrah is simultaneously in trouble for both getting into a fight and for backing out of a fight.

4. Backdoor Brawler

Backdoor Brawler
Farrah first ran afoul of the law when she attacked an employee at the Beverly Hills Hotel over the summer. Turns out you can't just assault people! Who knew?!

5. The No-Show

The No-Show
After that, Farrah arranged to score a big payday by agreeing to a celebrity boxing match.

6. Actual Risk? No, Thanks!

Actual Risk? No, Thanks!
Naturally, she backed out after realizing there was a good chance she would be repeatedly punched in the face.

7. Fighting the Law

Fighting the Law
The boxing matter is still tied up in court, but Farrah has already been sentenced to community service for her hotel tussle.

8. Among the Plebes

Among the Plebes
Although according to her comments on the latest Hollywood Life podcast, Farrah LOVED performing community service, as it allowed her to soak up praise from the peasants.

9. The Leader

The Leader
Farrah opened up about how she "guided" her fellow volunteers at the Austin Animal Center with the same leadership skills that have helped her tank several businesses.

10. A Real Celebrity!

A Real Celebrity!
“I just got to guide them and they loved it so much,” she said. “Like, they didn’t know they were going to come in and have a celebrity talk to them, be with them… It was really awesome."

11. Yeah ... Super Cool

Yeah ... Super Cool
"So you can just make connections wherever with whatever and help so many people along the way so it’s cool that I was on probation, I guess," Farrah added.

12. Playing It Safe

Playing It Safe
These days, Farrah says she travels everywhere with a security team -- including to the Ex on the Beach set.

13. Common Problem

Common Problem
The problem, it seems, is that people are always trying to fight Farrah, and since she's on probation, she can't hit back.

14. Reunion Rumble

Reunion Rumble
And so, she brought a full security team to film the Ex on the Beach reunion show.

15. Sensible Planning

Sensible Planning
“Every time I’m on a reunion, like the last reunion I showed up to, I think it was for ‘Teen Mom,’ I think Amber [Portwood] stormed on stage and tried to fight me,” she said.

16. Classy Lady

Classy Lady
“I’m like, ‘Guys, I’m on probation, I can’t be having any of that,’ so I bring my own security and they understand how serious I am," Abraham added.

17. Slammin' Simon

Slammin' Simon
From there, Farrah went on to discuss her expertise on men, particularly her ridiculous ex-boyfriend Simon Saran.

18. Come Again?

Come Again?
"I just have to say that because I know a lot of guys just hear women say negative things, but this is all feedback,” she stated.

19. Lessons on the Pole

Lessons on the Pole
“I just learned a lot about… I mean, I’ve traveled the world, I’ve been a celebrity feature at strip clubs and many other things and I have seen the worst in the opposite sex and I have seen the best," Farrah continued.

20. Those Two Deserved Each Other

Those Two Deserved Each Other
“I think dating someone for two years or whatever that was, I saw a lot of use of myself as a single mom," she said of Simon. "I just didn’t understand a guy trying to use a single mom so much. It was just very eye-opening.”

21. Um ... WHAT?!

Um ... WHAT?!
Asked about her "ideal partner," Farrah said she won't date "someone else's ex," as that would be like “eating people’s s--t.” We have no idea what she's talking about, but we love it.

22. Is Spielberg Single?

Is Spielberg Single?
“I’m just not one to date anyone from my productions, anyone from the talent world, no sports players, no entertainers,” she continued. “I mean, I’m open to probably dating a director or something of that nature.”

23. Mike and Debz

Mike and Debz
Asked about her troubled relationship with her parents, Farrah rambled on about how great things are, saying, “I think we’ve all grown so much. I have to say, it’s in big thanks to the therapists, the trauma therapists and a lot of the counselors and people who I’ve had over the years because by shaping me and helping me see that I can’t control other people."

24. Leading By Example

Leading By Example
Farrah then claimed she inspired her mother to be a better person. “She’s like, ‘Thank you so much for just changing a little bit of yourself and it’s helped me recognize how I need to change,’ and the same way with my father," she claimed.

25. Sister For Sophia?

Sister For Sophia?
Thankfully, when asked if she's planning to have more kids, Farrah replied that it “doesn’t seem plausible right now."

26. Scary Stuff

Scary Stuff
But that doesn't mean Ms. Abraham has closed the door on welcoming more children.

27. Don't Go There

Don't Go There
“Like, I’m open to adoption,” she said. “I feel again like I don’t want to necessarily go backward if it feels backwards." May God have mercy on us all.

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Farrah Abraham Quotes

[On her DUI arrest] I did not endanger anyone's life.

Jenelle [Evans] has all the potential to turn her negatives into a positive like I have.