Farrah Abraham is ... well, she's just a lot.
And sure, they may not be very descriptive, but you know exactly what we mean.
It's been two years since she left Teen Mom OG, and since then, things have definitely taken a turn, which is impressive since it's not like she was the most stable human when she was still on the show.
But now that she no longer has the steady MTV gig, she's doing all sorts of wild and crazy stuff for money.
Like this new thing where she's pretty much just asking dudes to pay her $5,000 for an evening with her ...
Such a History
There have been rumors about Farrah being an escort for a good long while now -- years, really.
A Stroll Down Memory Lane
We're not sure exactly when and how they started, but it probably had something to do with the career move she made in releasing a sex tape. After that, she started doing all sorts of things in the adult entertainment industry -- she did some work as a stripper, released sex toys, etc.
For the past few years, she's done less of that sort of stuff and focused her efforts more on being a cam girl -- it's even part of the reason why she left Teen Mom OG.
So really, going from all that to being an escort is a pretty natural progression, right?
Think about it -- she travels constantly, she flies first class and stays in expensive resorts all around the world, but how? She doesn't have MTV money coming in anymore, all her businesses have failed, and she owes a few people money for a few different lawsuits. How can she afford all that she does?
Prostitution, that's how. That's the theory, anyway.
In addition to all of that, some former friends of Farrah's have claimed that she funds her extravagant lifestyle by working as an escort.
And if that still wasn't enough proof, there's the fact that she's out here advertising her services for everyone to see.
There It Is
Yep, Farrah's latest move has been to offer fans different services in exchange for cash.
You can check out her cam girl stuff that she's been doing, or you can pay $20 to see her premium Snapchat. If you want something more personal, you can pay $400 for your very own video chat with her.
If you have lots of money to burn and really strange ideas about what you should do with that money, she also offers membership to something called the Farrah Diamond Club. For the very reasonable, not at all alarming price of $1,890 a month, you can get the premium Snapchat as well as four phone calls with Farrah each month that last for 15 minutes each.
And Then ...
But if you want the ultimate experience, then for just $5,000 you can purchase a whole night with Farrah. For real, that's a service she officially offers.
This is called a "Date Night with Farrah," and your $5,000 will get you the former Teen Mom herself, right in front of your very eyes. She'll travel anywhere for this, but you do have to pay for her travel which is an additional cost. You also have to set the date and the itinerary.
Reading Between the Lines
Now, she's calling this a "date night," but you know what everyone thinks -- everyone thinks that she's using this to advertise her alleged escorting services.
But in a new interview with TooFab, she's explaining everything -- and she's letting us all know what you'd really get for your money.
It doesn't make much sense, because this is still Farrah we're talking about, but hey, she's trying, OK?
She kicked off the interview by trying to explain why she chose to sell a "date night" in the first place -- "My time is worth a lot of money," she claimed.
"Honestly I don't really need to go on dates right now. I'm so focused on work and just everything I got going on. So yeah, pulling me away from what I love in my life, I think you can pay me for my time," she continued.
If she doesn't need to go on dates, then of course the easy solution would be to just not go on dates, but if there are actually people out there who would pay her $5,000 to spend an evening with her, then hey, more power to her.
But then she lost us by saying "Other women who don't get paid for their time and who are just giving their time away. Well, I don't really see anything great coming out of that so...you should always monetize your time. I mean you're monetizing online, why not in real life?"
Isn't that such a weird, sad outlook? She could just be confused, but she's literally saying that she doesn't see the point in spending time with someone, or in doing anything, unless you're getting paid for it.
She said that other women are "giving their time away" and she doesn't "really see anything great coming from that" ... has she forgotten that building an actual human connection is a thing? That friendships and relationships can be important? That there's value in things beyond money?
The Danger Zone
Building off the idea that women should be paid for dates, Farrah was asked about women actually paying for dates themselves, like just for the food or whatever, and she said "I would say that is a danger zone and women should really stay away from paying for any meals on dates. Women in general, like they should have the doors open for them."
"Men need to prove their worth," she added. "Like why are men around if they're not doing the manly duties that they should?"
"If you can't inspire a woman, if you can't lift her up and you can't help her in some kind of way and make her life amazing, then wow, I mean, I could do everything on my own."
And the Ladies?
She was then asked if any women have paid for one of these date nights, and her response was honestly just insane.
"You know, I'm actually very blessed to have women who, I guess, like me, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I do feel like that would really confuse my daughter, and that's just not something that I'm opened to with my sexuality, but other people are," she answered.
What Logic is This?
So, OK, let's get this straight -- Farrah thinks that if she went on one of these dates with a woman, THAT'S what would be confusing for Sophia?
Does she mean that Sophia already knows about her going on dates with men for money? She's already familiar with that whole thing?
Does she even give the tiniest bit of thought to the dumb things that fall out of her mouth?
After that, she was asked about how far she'd be willing to go on these dates -- these dates that men pay her $5,000 for, but not women, because the gender of the people paying thousands of dollars for a date would be the thing that would trip up her kid, remember.
"All I'm doing is talking," she insisted, "so if you get any other crazy thoughts, it's not happening."
And that makes sense -- it's not like she'd come right out and say otherwise, you know?
The one good thing she said in this entire interview was that anyone purchasing a date would go through a background check, and that if they passed, then she'd still show up to the date with security.
Good Luck Though!
It's a smart move because, not to be mean, but we can't imagine the people willing to pay that much money for an evening with Farrah would be the most balanced individuals.
What a Ride
And that's it. That's the whole story about why she's selling dates for $5,000, what one could expect from a date with her, plus some hints that her ten-year-old daughter knows all about this and is cool with it, as long as it's only men that come knocking.