Over the weekend, Jenelle Evans shared some big news with fans:
The former reality star announced that David Eason would be spending more time with her son Kaiser as the coach of the 5-year-old’s football team.
It was a surprising development, as David has been known to verbally abuse the child, seemingly as a result of his hatred for the boy’s dad, Nathan Griffith.
Unfortunately, Jenelle lies constantly, and everything David touches turns to sh-t.
So just 48 hours after the big announcement, we now know that David was never a coach, and Kaiser is no longer on the team.
Yes, the latest embarrassment from Swampland is really a doozy, so let’s get right into it:
Hitting the Field
Jenelle posted this pic on her Instagram page with a giddy caption in which she informed fans that David is now one of the coaches for Kaiser’s football team.
Shocked and Confused Is the Normal Response to David
“Both of them make me have a huge smile!” Jenelle wrote. “When @blackrivermetalandwood told our family that he wanted to help coach Kaiser’s football team we were kind of shocked, confused, but excited for them.”
Supervised Alone Time
“Now David is one of Kaiser’s main coaches along with the rest of the boys on the team,” she added. “Super happy they can bond and have ‘alone time’ together. Kaiser is working very hard and ready to play his first game!”
Yeah, No
Anyone who’s seen Psycho Dave hurl insults at the boy on Teen Mom 2 knows that David spending “alone time” with Kaiser would not be a good thing.
No Effing Way
Also, we’re not sure how the other parents would feel about a gun-toting, dog murdering psycho who only recently regained custody of SOME of his kids serving as a coach and mentor to their children.
Full of Sh-t, As Always
Fortunately, Jenelle was lying, and David was never actually a coach for Kaiser’s football team or any football team.
She Didn’t Really Think This One Through
Jenelle has never been a good liar, which is crazy when you consider the amount of practice she has.
Not the Brightest Bulb
This time, of course, she really didn’t think things through, and it was incredibly easy for concerned parties to contact Kaiser’s league and determine that David was not coaching for any of the teams.
The Meltdown
And right on schedule, David threw a tantrum on social media and blamed the whole mess on his “haters.”
Lawyer Mode
The best David meltdowns are the ones where he pretends to be a rational adult with a leg to stand on. No Dave, we’re thinking the dozen or so instances of abuse that have been caught on camera. Or the fact that you landed your wife in the hospital last year. Or the brutal execution of an 11-pound dog. Take your pick.
What They Do Best
You may find yourself thinking, “Wow, the team really kicked Kaiser off the roster because of pressure from fans?!” And the answer is no. Of course that’s not what happened. Jenelle and David are lying again, because that’s what they do.
Whoops!
Jenelle admitted that she and David pulled Kaiser from the team, but she quickly deleted the comment, because her version of events doesn’t align with her husband’s.
Not Open to Interpretation
As many fans were quick to point out, Kaiser isn’t off the team because of the “haters” … he’s off the team because of Jenelle and David. Period.
Baby Dave
David decided Kaiser can’t play football unless he’s a part of it, so when Eason got kicked to the curb, he took his stepson with him.
Sad Dad
Knowing how emotional David is, there’s a good chance he was in tears during this process, which is a very satisfying thought to reflect on.
But Why?
David doesn’t like football, and he’s never been able to conceal his contempt for Kaiser, so why would he even want to coach the team?
The Rebuilding Process
The answer is that David has to do SOMETHING. He’s been unemployed for 18 months, and he’s one of the most hated public figures on social media.
Desperation
David and Jenelle will do anything to rebuild their images so that they can continue to profit from social media. And in their minds, that means lying and pulling stunts like this one.
A New Low
When the Easons had their kids taken away, their already piss-poor reputation bottomed out, and their “business ventures” have suffered mightily as a result.
Good Luck With That
These days, Jenelle is still trying to make her makeup company happen. She’s been teasing the brand for several years without a single product ever hitting stores.
Sort of Funny, Really Sad
David, on the other hand, has been selling braided leather bracelets of the variety little kids make at camp.
Worth a Shot?
Their “brand” depends on presenting a happy “homesteading” lifestyle to fans, and David coaching Kaiser’s football team would’ve been great for that. But abusers don’t get to work with children.
The Smart Move
At this point, it seems the only thing Jenelle could do to rescue her career would be to leave David’s dog-murdering ass.
Not Happening
But earlier this week, she posted this throwback photo with a caption reading, “#ForeverAndAlways”.
It All Works Out
On the bright side, there’s no denying that these two deserve each other.