We all know that David Eason is a terrible person.
Has he ever shown a single redeeming quality? Can anyone name just one little thing about him that's decent?
We could spend the rest of our days talking about all the horrific things he's done, but for right now, let's focus on the latest ones, OK?
Because they are just spectacularly disturbing.
Settle in, friends, because we are going to go over some real, real bad stuff today.
Should we start with the bad stuff that's awful but still kind of funny because he's just so dumb?
A Lot to Consider
Or should we just dive right into the part that was so incredibly bad that it made yours truly literally burst into tears?
Let's just ease into it, all right? No need to get all disturbed first thing.
Here We Go
So as you probably know, David got himself into a bit of trouble earlier this month when he seemed to threaten the president with an assault rifle.
Here's the video -- he posted this on Instagram, said that it would make people think he's lost it, and tagged Donald Trump.
Who Would Have Thought?
Turns out you can't do that, and so last week, the Secret Service showed up at the Eason swamp to investigate the perceived threat to the president's life.
At first, David pretended to be so macho that he told the actual Secret Service to get off his property and not to come back without a warrant.
Come On, David
He then showed off all his weapons, including poison darts, and implied that if anyone, including the Secret Service, showed back at his house unannounced, he'd shoot.
But then someone probably pointed out how ridiculous he was being, so he made a video admitting that he did cooperate with the Secret Service and did not threaten them.
It was quite the turnaround from the guy who wrote "I hope and pray that nobody ever tries to trespass on my property as they will be met with fire and fury, the likes of which they have never seen before."
But to be fair, it's probably not as easy to be tough when you're dealing with actual people as opposed to a social media app.
Don't worry though, because Tough Guy Dave is back ... on Facebook.
He kicked off a little rant by writing this status in which he wrote that everyone in the whole entire government "really suck at their jobs."
Because -- surprise! -- it looks like the investigation on David is still going on.
Yep, They're the Stupid Ones
With all the strength granted to him by his phone, he asked the FBI "fow f-cking stupid are u," because apparently they paid a visit to Jenelle's brother to ask about him.
See, a lot of times people have some knowledge about their sibling's spouses, but that dumb FBI must not watch Teen Mom 2 religiously, huh? They don't know that Jenelle gets along with absolutely no one.
David went on to write that "The FBI can eat a dick." He also called them "so f-cking ignorant" and suggested that "they should have stayed in school."
This ... he HAS to be trolling with that, right? Please let him be trolling.
He finished things up with this, and we probably don't have to point out how insane it is for David Eason to be telling anyone "don't be an idiot."
OK, so now that we've covered the part where he taunted the FBI, let's move on to the part where he played with a dead animal.
But just be warned, this is sincerely very disturbing.
Since David's been kicked off Instagram, he's been using Facebook a lot more -- see the previous rant -- and he's also been using Snapchat.
And yesterday on Snapchat, he thought playing with a crow he'd shot would make for some quality content.
"So I was just crow hunting today and killed this little beauty," he explained.
"Mmmmm, he's so cute!" he said in a high-pitched voice, moving the dead bird around for the camera.
Why is He Like This
He pretended to kiss it, told it that it would be "delicious with rice," and then sort of flapped it around while he made bird sounds.
The whole thing was just weird and awful and sad. And yeah, that's David's whole thing, but this was just a lot.
A lot of people hunt, and some people even hunt crow -- it is crow hunting season in North Carolina right now. Hunting isn't the problem.
The problem is that he's playing with the corpse of the animal he's killed. Like, that's what serial killers do. Really, there are studies and everything.
Jenelle, Come Get Your Man
Can this guy be locked up already? Please?