Colton Underwood wants you to know all about his "First Time." The former Bachelor lead has spilled, like, ALL his personal tea in this memoir.
Colton's First Love
Underwood dated gymnast Aly Raisman from August 2016 to April 2017. He writes about their romance in detail here.
An Ideal Beginning
“Aly was easy to talk to. She was open, funny, bright, honest, and inquisitive. She laughed easily and had a smile that I would’ve been happy to simply gaze at for the rest of the night, no further conversation necessary,” Colton writes. “It was very late when I dropped her back at her hotel, and when I said I’d had a great time, I meant it. Later that night, Aly texted me a thank-you. Neither of us had expected to get on as well as we did. For a first date, it couldn’t have gone better.”
Raisman Told Him About Larry Nassar
Nassar, a former U.S. Gymnastics doctor, has been convicted of molesting dozens and dozens and dozens of wmen. Including Raisman. "I wanted to find Nassar and rip his head off,” Underwood writes of how he felt when he learned about Aly's past with this monster.
How Did It End?
Via FaceTime, Colton writes: “I pulled over to the side of the road, stunned and unable to comprehend this was happening. Aly said she felt overwhelmed, confused, and in need of a break. Afterward, I sat in my car and cried. I was numb for days." Colton says he even called Aly's friend afterward, the greatest gymnast of all-time, Simone Biles, to try to see what went wrong.
A Product of Divorce
Underwood says that he was really affected by his parents’ divorce, which he found out about before he began his junior year of college. “My parents’ split was a jarring hit. As with those ferocious hits on the football field that come out of nowhere, it was hard to get up after that one,” he writes. “The second I heard the word divorce, it was like getting knocked down and out by a three-hundred-pound lineman and having everything look different when I finally regained consciousness. I thought of divorce as the ultimate failure.”
Could He Have Had Sex in High School?
Yes. Underwood writes that he had his first kiss in ninth grade and while he was attracted to his first girlfriend, he wpi;d make excuses when she seemed “interested and willing to go faster and further” than he wanted to go: “You didn’t have to be a therapist to diagnose what was going on. It was called avoidance. With a capital A."
Yes, He Wondered About His Sexuality
Underwood writes about his dad and the conversation they once had. “He’d called up the history of recent Google searches, which included gay porn sites and a variety of questions: Am I gay? How do you know if you’re gay? Why don’t I like having sex with my girlfriend?” the reality star says. “At first, I denied responsibility. Then I owned up to having been curious. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I said no, explaining that I’d figured things out on my own. I begged him not to tell Mom. I’m sure he did. But neither of them ever spoke about it with me. All that research, though, led me to understand that I was definitely attracted to girls.”
A Decision Reached
Colton says it was then that he decided to wait until he was in love to have intercourse, writing: “That became my safe zone. Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been much easier if I had been gay. Maybe it would’ve helped me to know myself better and sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have stayed a virgin. Maybe I wouldn’t have asked 'Who am I?' as often as I did and suffered as much angst because I didn’t have an answer. Identity was such a big question mark with me. Yes, I was a football player. But what else was I? Was there anything more?
After finding out he’d be on The Bachelorette Season 14, Colton and Tia Booth met in person in Los Angeles. “Was I trying to scheme a little? Yes. If Tia was going to be the Bachelorette, I wanted a head start on all the other guys. I knew the importance of preparing for a big game, and all I was really doing was preparing,” Underwood writes. “I wanted to get to know Tia in person and let her get to know me better. Maybe we’d even really like each other. I think Tia had similar thoughts.”
Meeting The Bachelorette
Strangely enough, Underwood met Bachelorette Becca Kufrin via FaceTime with Booth before filming began; she was on a “girls trip” in Fort Lauderdale with Kufrin and Caroline Lunny.
To Whom Did He Break the Virgin News First?
Jason Tartick and Garrett Yrigoyen on The Bachelorette. “A week or two before Las Vegas, I had confided in my mansion-mates, Jason and Garrett, the two guys with whom I was closest. I don’t know why I felt compelled to spill the tea on myself other than it was weighing heavily on my mind. I suppose I was testing the water,” Underwood writes, noting that Jason and Garrett were “surprised,” “supportive” and “talkative.”
Word Got Out, Though. Quickly.
Underwood explains: “Apparently they interpreted my ‘please don’t tell anyone’ as code for ‘tell everyone,’ and word traveled through the house like a rumor at a slumber party of twelve-year-old girls that someone had gone to first base.”
Predicting The Bachelorette
Underwoood says that he thought Tartick would come in fourth, he would come in third, Garrett Yrigoyen would come in second and Horstmann would win. “It turned out I was mostly right. Garrett, Blake, Jason, and I were the four guys who made it to the hometowns. These were my best friends from the group, and I was happy for all of us,” he says. “Soon it was painfully apparent that Becca’s thoughts differed from mine. I didn’t get a rose. I was surprised and hurt. Not crushed. Not heartbroken. Not pretending to be okay when I wasn’t. Not stopped in my tracks and wondering where I went wrong or what mistakes I might have made. I was just hurt in the sense that I had been honest about myself and opened my heart and believed the emotions I felt were reciprocated, but in the end it wasn’t enough, and it wasn’t me. It was that kind of hurt.”
How Are Things with Booth?
The two split shortly after Bachelor in Paradise aired. They're on good terms now. “I felt terrible about breaking up with her, but I also knew it was the right thing to do, and she agreed,” Underwood writes. “We were better off as friends, and we’ve remained friends. To this day, she is one of my most trusted confidantes.”
Life as The Bachelor
“Out of the thirty contestants that night, I think five or six were picked especially for me,” Underwood says about filming the first episode of season 23 of The Bachelor. “They were the likely matches, the maybe-she-might-be-the-future Mrs. Underwood. The rest were strong, colorful personalities, with a couple of question marks, a couple of possibilities, a couple of you-never-knows, and a few unpredictable wild cards."
His First Impression of Cassie?
“Cassie Randolph handed me a box and said that she had butterflies, meaning she was nervous, though she added that she also had actual butterflies,” he writes of his eventual winner. 'Then she spilled a box of fake butterflies in front of me. I put one in my pocket, while trying to hide the fact I was staring at her. I couldn’t help it. And yes, she was cute and sexy, but what I noticed were her high heels. They had a Velcro strap and seemed practical, cool. She wasn’t spending a month’s salary on those heels with the red bottoms. I liked that about her.”
He and Cassie Nearly Missed Each Other
“Twice they invited her on the show, but Cass turned them down both times,” Underwood reveals. “The season with Nick Viall didn’t work with her schedule, and she thought the next Bachelor, Arie Luyendyk, was a little too old for her. But the third time was the charm.”
Behind the Scenes of The Bachelor
Underwood also states pretty clearly that producers picked who got to go on his one-on-one dates each week. They were, though, sympathetic at times. “They weren’t on TV, but boners are a real, regular, and unavoidable part of the show,” he explains. “The producers are sensitive to guys who find themselves in a hard situation. I didn’t know this until I was in the ocean with Cassie in Thailand and production said they needed me for an interview. I wasn’t ready to get out of the water. … Poor Cass waited patiently while I splashed, yawned, swam, and waited for low tide.”
Caelynn vs. Hannah Brown
“From what they told me off camera, their problem had to do with a tasteless joke about a serious matter related to one of their family members,” Underwood writes. “I won’t say anything more. The tension of being on the show together opened this old wound and cast a dark cloud over the entire week.”
Underwood also reveals that Brown, who is also from Alabama, showed up on his date with Godwin, but the scene didn’t air. “She was still stewing about not getting a rose and wanted more clarity from me,” he writes. “In reality, it seemed she wanted to lash out and vent. She went off on the remaining four girls and told me they didn’t have the qualities that made her so amazing. It was the beast in her, roaring and raging.”
One Awkward Evening
Tayshia Adams and Underwood went to a Fantasy Suite -- and he says that she realized “nothing was going to happen” by “two or three in the morning” and went to sleep. “I laid down next to her in my sweatpants and long sleeved shirt,” he explained. “I didn’t sleep all night.”
How Did Cassie Stand Out?
During a one-on-one date, she asked him off camera (they were in the ocean), 'How do you not know by now?' This appealed to Colton, who says: “I knew what she meant, but I wasn’t prepared for the directness and honesty of her question. Basically, she wanted me to flip to the end of the book and tell her how the story ended. I couldn’t. I didn’t know myself. The one thing I knew about myself with absolute certainty was that I was sometimes confused.”
The Fence Jump
After Randolph quit, Underwood infamously ran away from host Chris Harrison. “I just did it. I expected to get caught the moment my feet touched the ground on the other side. When that didn’t happen, my adrenaline kicked in and I started to run through the Portugal wilderness,” he writes about jumping the fence. “I was surprised I didn’t get shot or attacked by some animal. I remember hearing a growl while I was hiding in someone’s backyard and bracing myself to get jumped by a large dog.”
Happily Ever After?
Sort of. Underwood and Randolph actually briefly broke up in August and it hit him hard, although "nothing big happened" to lead to the fight. "It boiled down to me wanting to get engaged, wanting to set a timeline, and simply putting too much pressure on her when, in reality, none was needed," he writes. "I wanted more. She wanted me to relax and smell the roses. In other words, don’t push. Don’t pressure. I interpreted that to mean she didn’t care about our relationship."
But Now? And Looking Ahead?
Randolph left in tears ... but returned 14 hours later and they talked for hours. "We were continuing to learn communication, understanding, compromise, and a willingness to forgive. Also just how much we really, truly wanted to be together. The next time a problem arose, we were able to handle it,” he writes, explaining that later, when personal details were somehow leaked to the media, they handled it together, trusted each other and grew closer because of it. Hooray!