90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After Recap: Colt Johnson is a Baby Man
by Simon Delott at .90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? Season 5 continues with the sixth episode of the season.
In sneak peek clips, we had already seen Colt brag about sex with Jess to his mother, who did not want to hear it.
On top of that, we got to hear him remind Debbie that she does not have to be an "a--hole."
Low found a way to straighten out Asuelu that left Asuelu willing and eager to apologize to his wife.
After Andrei called Elizabeth a foul word, the two looked at a wedding venue that made them both happy before going to Elizabeth's orthodox baptism.
Angela's deranged jealousy left her screaming in rage at Michael.
And Larissa's pursuit of love at all costs gets her cast out on the street.
1. Colt Johnson and Jess Caroline
Colt and Jess went out for drinks after an EXTREMELY cranky Debbie went to sleep in her hotel room. Jess had a number of concerns, one of which was that Colt and Debbie had different rooms in the same hotel suite ... which would present obvious problems for Jess' plans for his visit to Brazil.
2. Jess lays out the problem
If Coltee is too smothered by his mom, who invited herself on the trip, then how are they gone to bone all day and all night? Colt does explain that the single hotel suite was a "mistake" and that he has now rented a second room for the purpose of boning.
3. Jess still feels hurt
Jess feels (very understandably) that Debbie's behavior, from her mini-breakdown in the van to her furiously slamming the door, indicates that she does not like Jess.
4. Or, to put it bluntly
"She's rude." Jess was warned about many things by Larissa's phone call, but at the time chose to not believe them.
5. Jess worries that history is repeating itself
Jess hasn't told Colt about Larissa's call, so she notes that he has spoken about how things went wrong with his ex, and she has concerns that Colt's mother will cause some of the same issues in this romance.
6. Colt gets defensive
He talks about his bond with his mom. When Jess asks him to commit to whether Debbie's decision to be a third wheel is intrusive and bad or sweet and good, he says that it is "good."
7. Which prompts this amazing line.
"You're a baby man" is a good line. Sometimes words like "manchild" get thrown around a lot, sometimes unfairly, but in this case, she's talking about Colt coming to Brazil with his mom as a chaperone.
8. She opts to move past it
Jess is looking forward to Colt meeting her family, even though she fears that Debbie's gruff and unfriendly nature may make her clash with them.
9. Jess sticks to the positive
Both Jess and Larissa have spoken about Colt's "healthy sex drive," so Jess is very down to clown now that Colt is in town.
10. And that's just what they do
Colt and Jess walk off into the night, having downed their drinks, and presumably they spend the evening banging.
11. The next day
Despite Debbie feeding Colt with her fork like he's a helpless baby bird, he does talk to his mom about her behavior, pointing out that she doesn't have to be an "a--hole." That's a fair point. No amount of tiredness excuses a slammed door.
12. Awkward ...
Debbie insists that she knows best for Colt, and he encourages her to just take a walk with Jess and to get to know her before she rushes to judgment.
13. Debbie and Jess sit down to chat on the beach
However, Debbie then tells Jess very bluntly that she thinks that Larissa was just after a green card and citizenship from Colt and that she worries that Jess may be doing the same thing. Jess is beyond insulted.
14. Confirmation at last
In this case, Jess is talking about believing what Larissa had to say about Debbie, whom Larissa had described as a "wolf" just a couple of episodes ago.
15. Syngin Colchester and Tania Maduro
After their previous very emotional chat, Syngin is now getting into touch with his brother, who is unwell. His brother is in the ICU back in South Africa with a blood clot in his lungs. This is a scary thing, but it also brings up further difficult memories for Syngin.
16. Syngin already missed one loved one's passing
Syngin's grandmother passed away while he was on his K-1 visa. He does not want this to happen again. More to the point, there are a lot of things that he misses about his old, carefree life.
17. But he can't just jet off
In addition to budgetary considerations, Syngin needs to talk to Tania about their lives and their future.
18. Syngin wants to go home
Tania tells him that she understands his need, especially given the urgency of his brother's situation. Family emergencies happen, right?
19. At the same time ...
Tania feels real fears that if Syngin heads to South Africa, the "energy" of being in his familiar haunts and around those folks may make him reluctant to leave. Tania worries if this could spell the end of their marriage.
20. Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi
Michael goes to wake up Angela in the apartment that he is renting. This is an odd moment for filming to begin. Very few of us would want to be filmed before we have gotten up and ready for the day.
21. But look!
Angela shows Michael some of the things that she has gotten, including suits for the wedding.
22. Michael explains
Normally, he would wear very different garb for a wedding. But since they are getting married in Nigeria, a compromise is that it will be an American wedding. That means suits.
23. Michael is so excited!!!
He does a genuinely adorable dance of joy in excitement to marry Angela.
24. But he has hopes ...
Michael isn't sure how quickly the spousal visa will work. He is hoping that Angela might consider living with him in Nigeria, at least until the spousal visa goes through.
25. But he has concerns
Michael gets the impression that Angela is from a small town. That is an understatement. Hazlehurst, Georgia has a population of about 4,000 people. That is a very small town, not even twice the size of my high school. Michael meets with a number of American expats to get an idea of what life may be like for him, a Black man from Africa, in rural Georgia.
26. He wants Angela to sit down with them
Michael has to struggle to explain dual citizenship to Angela, as his friend is from Atlanta and has dual citizenship. Michael wants to have a discussion of what his life will realistically be like in America. Angela is already resentful that he would want to ask anyone other than her.
27. Then ...
Angela sits down and realizes that three of the expats are young women. She glowers silently then gets up, shakes their hands, and walks off. This is ... absolutely deranged, and her behavior only gets worse.
28. Angela was FURIOUS
Apparently because other human women exist in the world, Angela has a temper tantrum and a loud, angry meltdown.
29. Michael is totally taken aback
Angela audibly SCREAMS at him to shut up. Folks, some of us dream of a world where yelling is illegal, but even those who don't know that it is 100% unacceptable to speak to ANYONE like Angela is speaking to Michael. This is toxic, vile behavior that cannot be excused.
30. Angela continued to rant and wail in the car
She's still indignant that Michael would ever want to hear what it's like in Georgia from anyone other than her, a white grandmother. She also repeatedly asks if he thinks that she's stupid, a question that has drawn many comments from viewers who were not as quick as Michael to give her assurances that she is not.
31. More bad news
Angela gets a call from her daughter (not the sex offender), who warns her that her own mother is showing signs of dementia. Angela freaks out that she's not home to care for her mom, but let's be clear -- caregivers do not magically cause or prevent dementia.
32. Asuelu Pulaa
Poor, sick Kalani got a much-needed break while Low, her very protective father, "invited" Asuelu to accompany him on a walk. With all of the enthusiasm of a man who's not entirely sure if he's going on a walk or going to get dropped off in a forest and hunted for sport, Asuelu heads out with his father-in-law.
33. He knows what this is about
Asuelu's behavior has been nothing short of abhorrent. He called his wife a "lying bitch," and said this in front of his children AND his mother-in-law. He pleads with Low to hear his side of the story, as if that could matter.
34. Low shows a lot of restraint
Low tells his son-in-law that he gets it, he's from Samoa. He knows that, culturally, Asuelu likely grew up with the idea that he would one day get to boss around his wife and be like the king of his own tiny castle. But Low also notes that this is not how it's done here, and it WON'T be how it's done for any of Low's daughters, whom he raised to not stand for that kind of BS.
35. Whoops
Asuelu's plea to be understood appears to be mixed with two things: a growing understanding that he needs to shape up, and some hints at the potential consequences if he does not.
36. Low needs Asuelu to act right
Asuelu isn't just his son-in-law, he is the father of Low's grandkids. He doesn't want Asuelu cursing, but he absolutely doesn't want Asuelu disrespecting his daughter or his wife -- in front of the kids or otherwise.
