90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After: Jess EXPLODES at Lying, Cheating Colt

Elizabeth Potthast and Andrei Castravet

Where we left off last week, Andrei and Elizabeth’s brother were about to come to blows, so it only makes sense to start there.

Andrei’s normal bad behavior was worse

Spurred on by Elizabeth’s brother’s confrontational behavior and plenty of alcohol all around, Andrei could not contain himself.

We know, it’s Moldova

For some reason, Andrei seems to think that “this is not America” is supposed to mean something regarding how his relatives behave. Does he think that the Potthasts don’t respect him because he’s not from the US? Because our impression was that they don’t respect him because he hasn’t done anything to earn their respect.

YIKES

Things get heated as the two drunk men go face to face. If Elizabeth’s brother is doing this after nudging from producers or because he wants to have a viral moment, he’s not being paid enough.

Libby to the rescue

Elizabeth has to separate her husband and brother. This is not at all how she had envisioned any of this. Remember her optimistic fantasies of getting Andrei to show her family the sights and how she felt that they’d get to see a different side of him? LOL

Andrei’s brother has a nuanced view of things

He acknowledges that, though Elizabeth’s family is not necessarily looking for a fight, they are “searching for something.” Andrei, too, seems to have a chip on his shoulder.

This is such a weird line

“Bloody relatives ask too many questions” sounds like something that a mobster or an assassin would complain about, not a guy who spent a year as a Moldovan cop and then worked in Ireland and how has no job except appearing in a handful of 90 Day Fiance episodes each year.

Andrei is big mad

He wants Elizabeth’s familly to leave — the restaurant, and ideally Moldova.

He can’t stop ranting

Alcohol may be at play, but as we all know, alcohol doesn’t give people alternate personalities — but it can bring up their behavior and feelings from beneath the surface, because that’s what it means to reduce inhibitions.

Elizabeth is SO upset

If Andrei does manage to drive her family out of Moldova and send them packing, she threatens, she will go back with them. Honestly? We’ll believe it when we see it. Elizabeth gets angry with Andrei’s bad behavior a lot, but she also takes him back a lot.

Andrei’s brother to the rescue

He tells Andrei to cool his jets, Andrei accuses him of being on “their side,” and his brother explains that no, he just wants everyone to be okay. Keep in mind that this is what Andrei should want, too. He should want to make peace. Elizabeth’s family has wanted that for a long time.

Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa

Their trip to see Asuelu’s family hadn’t exactly been smooth. The flight went well. In the car, Asuelu seemed to be slipping back into bad habits. Kalani chalked this up to him being tired and cranky.

He was still tired the next day

Despite being in a better mood, he told Kalani that he had seen a ghost the previous night at the AirBnB, and as such, he had not really slept.

He saw a shadow

He described it as the silhouette of a malevolent little girl.

Kalani experienced something too

Kalani 100% believes in ghosts too, and she said that she heard a sinister voice and believes that this particular place was the denizen of a malicious spirit. (Real talk, if one person has an experience with a spirit, I’m like okay, you had that experience — if two people have separate experiences in the same night at a random rental house, I’d want to find out if there’s a mundane and possibly dangerous explanation)

Reunited!

Asuelu and his mother were so delighted to see each other that they … full on made out in the middle of Portland. Okay, they didn’t, she was kissing the sides of his mouth, but even without the camera angles and editing, it was an awkward moment.

Seriously …

We can be respectful of other cultures — and acknowledge that there are many families in the US that kiss on the mouth — and also acknowledge when there’s an awkward situation.

We just had a thought …

Did Colt and Debbie watch this episode together? Was it awkward or did Debbie just say “this could be us but you playin'” to him or what? (KIDDING)

Kalani ribbed him a little over it

Asuelu insisted on demonstrating the chaste kiss and did NOT appreciate Kalani’s gentle ribbing over it. Oh boy.

Food trucks!

Noting that Samoa and Utah do not appear to have food trucks, Asuelu has concluded that only Portland, Oregon has food trucks.

Food truck purveyor, I need only your finest grilled cheese!

Asuelu wanted to pull out all of the stops for his family, treating them to the grandest and most delicious sandwiches that Portland’s food truck bounty had to offer.

Asuelu did more than that

As we saw last week, Asuelu brought gifts for his family — something that Kalani feels is more reasonable than gifting his mom $1,000.

He’s not getting out of it that easily

His sister Tammy immediately (at least, editing makes it look immediate) asks if Asuelu brought the money, like this is a hostage standoff. In a way, it is. The hostage is his family’s love and approval.

How much?

We discussed last time that it is a custom in Samoa for younger adults to just funnel money to their elders for no good reason. There are many cultural customs and differences that are great and should be celebrated, but “you pay your elders for decades and then one day young people will pay YOU” is a whole pyramid scheme.

Just $100?

Most people in the US would be thrilled or confused by a gift of $100. It’s not a fortune but it’s, you know, money. Asuelu’s mother is deeply disappointed.

She had PLANS for that money!

She wants to send it back to Samoa, which means that she clearly does not need it to get by.

“for the church and for the family”

Here’s what may be a blunt question, but who tithes at someone else’s church?? That is generally the responsibility of that church’s own congregants. Meanwhile, Asuelu’s sister tries to neg him about it, saying that Kalani’s parents are loaded and will take care of his kids so he should send more of what he makes to his mom.

Kolini is there for all of this

Kolini is a real fan favorite, and her aside to the camera about how this is the most awkward dinner that she has ever attended in her life was a real moment of levity during a tense scene.

Asuelu is working part-time

While a part time job is not enough to make ends meet (even a full time job isn’t always enough to support a family in our nightmare economy), Asuelu is trying. He has applied. But this isn’t like Andrei where he has an easy, well paying job waiting giftwrapped for him if he ever agrees to take it. Asuelu has limited training and limited skills. There is a definite ceiling on what jobs he can work right now.

More importantly

Asuelu understands that his first priority must be towards his wife and to the two children whom he helped to burden with existence.

Asuelu’s mom just doesn’t understand

She always asks him for money, she says, which is something that American audiences are more likely to see as an indictment of her than perhaps she realizes.

She knows whom to blame

“Kalanid oesn’t want to send money to Samoa,” Asuelu’s mom accuses. Well … yeah.

BYE

Asuelu’s mom leaves the dinner — the one that Asuelu and Kalani paid for — in a huff. Oh boy.

Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi

The good news that Angela does not have cancer was overshadowed, in Michael’s mind, by learning the dangers that pregnancy would exact on her. She is in her 50s. She does not need to be getting pregnant. Angela especially, given her fondness for smoking in cars like it’s 1971, should not be pregnant. Michael still wants to be with her.

But he’s worried

With this news about his prospects for having kids, he’s not sure if his mom will approve

What if she withdraws her blessing?

If that happens, Michael warns, he might not be able to marry Angela. Before people — like Angela — talk about this being backwards, sure, it is, but keep in mind that there are still subcultures in the US where the groom will ask for the bride’s father’s permission or blessing to marry his daughter. A lot of cultures, including our own, include a toxic level of parental adoration.

Speaking of being a parent

Michael does truly want to be a father, one way or another.

“It is a joyous thing”

Spoken like a guy who wasn’t the overly put upon eldest sibling and thus roped into caring for younger siblings as a third, nvoluntary parent. That gets the joy out of your system pretty quickly.

He affirms his love for Angela

Their relationship is perplexing and no one deserves to be treated the way that Angela treats Michael.

Anyway, time to choose the wedding cake

Sitting down with Michael’s aunt and half-sister, Angela tries to talk about how disappointed she is that Michael has to seek his mother’s approval at all. Have you ever met someone who is not particularly bright but who thinks that they are the cleverest and most cunning person out there? Angela really gives off that vibe this whole scene.

Michael describes his very American wedding plans

His half-sister points out that this is not a traditional wedding at all.

They hope that there will be lots of guests

After all, they will be saying goodbye to Michael, and this wedding will be a huge milestone.

But big weddings are expensive

Ultimately, his family offers to help pay for it, which Angela gleefully accepts.

Paul and Karine Staehle

Their story is grim in light of recent developments with these two. Filmed last year, however, we see Karine trying to adjust to life in the US.

Everything hinges upon Paul

Paul, who spends the entire scene rummaging through a huge garbage bag full of stuff, never seems to realize how ridiculous his behavior looks to other people. His mom knows. Karine knows. Viewers know. He does not.

Paul needs to get a job

But his criminal recordsis making it difficult for him to get hired. How many people want to hire an arsonist who’s accused of stalking and harassing at least one ex?

Paul says that he’s trying to make Karine happy

But with him making all of the decisions, Karine isn’t sure if he truly cares about her happiness in the way that a husband should.

He did find them a home

But it’s near active train tracks, which is probably why he was able to afford it.

Karine does not like that

Paul promises that it’s way safer than where they were living in Brazil, and promises to get them a better home in time. He’ll need to get a job to do that, though.

Larissa Lime and Eric Nichols

At her friend Carmen’s house, Larissa is processing the fight that she just had. She is paranoid after Eric’s roommate, David, theatened to call the police on her, accusing her of stealing Eric’s phone. After what happened with Colt, Larissa’s situation is precarious, and she would certainly be arrested despite no wrongdoing.

She goes back to Eric’s

Eric, who is for some reason brushing his teeth outside while shirtless in the dark, needs to let her in.

He wants his phone

To be clear, if you give someone a phone, it’s theirs. Larissa knows this — having experienced Colt deactivating her phone and reporting it “stolen” even though it was no such thing. Eric just wants to log out.

Larissa is NOT here to talk to David

She is furious with him and threatens to have him kicked out of Eric’s house.

She and Eric talk

She is furious that David threatened her like that, as it really set her on edge. After the trauma of repeated arrests — one time, after SHE had been the one who locked herself in the bathroom and pleaded for help over social media — during her time with Colt, this is a huge trigger for her.

Best line of the episode

“I believe sometimes I can attract toxic men.”

She still can’t believe Eric

It’s not just that he badmouthed her to anyone who would listen, it’s that he also claimed that sex with her was bad.

She makes a good point

If the sex was “bad,” then why did he f–k her so many times?

She hates the phone whining

While she tells him that he should buy his own phone, she also reveals that it was there at his house the whole time. David could have called the police and had her arrested but the phone was still at Eric’s.

This is so much

While Colt would sit back gleefully and observe his mother and wife argue, Eric argues much more directly with Larissa. This is exhausting.

Larissa is disappointed

She had hoped that things with Eric would be different. Real talk: things might have been if she hadn’t dredged up the past by going through his phone. Realer talk: this feels like something that producers set up to happen, though we’re sure that the outrage is genuine.

Larissa will stay the night

But she may go back to Carmen’s house after this.

She is heartbroken

She expected that things would be messy with Eric, but she is devastated by the way that Eric spoke about her behind her back. There’s venting and then there is hatred. She feels like the man she loves hated her. How can she move past that?

Tania Maduro and Syngin Colchester

Despite a very sweet morning, Tania’s trip to see Syngin’s family is off to a rough start because of her accident-related trauma. She is uneasy with Syngin’s driving. Trauma responses are no joke, folks.

They go to see Syngin’s brother, Dylan

It’s no surprise to anyone that Dylan’s brother is a total smokeshow. He was also recently hospitalized with a blood clot. He is happy to see Syngin and eager to hear about his time in the US.

Syngin has some amusing reviews

Apparently, Syngin cannot resist a deal, to Tania’s amusement. He’ll see a deal for two pizzas and go for it even if he and Tania only need one pizza. (Look, two medium pizzas for $16 IS a better buy than one $14 large pizza, I won’t fault him there)

It’s been a lot

Most of what we have seen of Syngin’s time in the US has been his time with Tania, but it’s important to remember that they have lives that aren’t filmed, too, and that Syngin has had his ups and downs despite homesickness.

But …

He says that it’s not the perfect life. That is absolutely fair. It is also something that Tania cannot help but take a little personally.

Tania is hurt

No, we mean literally hurt — she and Dylan compare leg injuries and the equipment on their legs.

Then …

Tania heads out with Syngin’s mom and sister — whom she of course has met before — for a day out. Syngin warns her that South Africa is not as safe as Connecticut, so she promises to be careful.

The million dollar question

Does Tania want to change Syngin? No, Tania says. She wants him to avoid repeating past mistakes and she sometimes worries about his drinking, but she loves him for who he is.

Syngin’s sister hits the nail on the head

Syngin can be a little reckless. Tania can be a little controlling. They both have things to work on. Um, can she be part of the Tell All? We’d like to hear her spout common sense about all of the couples.

Colt Johnson and Jess Caroline

Colt is still sitting in his room after Debbie deliberately revealed that he had been lying to Jess for weeks. Jess was furious and stormed out.

Debbie swears it was an accident

She says that she had no idea that it would set off Jess. She knew exactly what she was doing, of course. She wanted to sabotage this relationship.

Now comes the manipulation of Colt

Colt is known for playing mind games with the women in his life, but it’s clear where he got it from. Debbie is trying to make him paranoid about Jess. She even tries to convince him that Jess is “dangerous,” encouraging to sleep in her room that night so that Jess can’t sneak in and attack him in the middle of the night.

Meanwhile, Jess is mad

Honestly, we’re not sure if this footage is being shown in context or not, but “I have a relationship with Colt, not with Debbie” is a great line.

Jess has stormed off

Meanwhile, she notes how Colt is staying in his comfort zone — wherever Debbie is

It’s part of the problem with Colt

We don’t love that Jess is framing things in terms of toxic masculinity instead of health relationships, but some things may be lost in translation.

Meanwhile …

Debbie is trying to convince Colt that Jess is just another Larissa — keep in mind that Debbie believes that Larissa was the villain in that marriage, not Colt.

Colt allegedly knows what Debbie is doing

He tells the camera that he is 100% aware that his mom is doing all of this on purpose. Will he have the guts to talk to Debbie about it?

Jess is broken

She had been having such a nice time, introducing Colt to her family … and then she messages Vanessa for confirmation that Colt and Vanessa are still close. She gets it.

She shows him

Jess shows Colt the confirmation that she received from Vanessa.

He lied to her this whole time

Keep in mind that Jess isn’t being irrationally jealous — because we know that Colt went on to cheat on a new woman with, you guessed it, Vanessa.

They talk every day!!

If Colt had told Jess, honestly, that he wasn’t going to end his friendship over Jess’ concerns, that would be one thing. They could have broken up, or not, as the case may be. But he wanted to have his cake and eat it to, and that meant leading Jess on for months.

Colt refuses to leave her alone

He follows Jess into the elevator when she tries to leave (guys, do not do this), so she doubles back to her room to pack her things.

Time for revenge

She tells him that she’s going to go to her ex’s house, which is nearby, because Colt has upset her.

Larissa was right

Larissa warned Jess that Colt was “a demon,” that he would cheat on her, and that Debbie was “a wolf.” Sadly, Jess had to learn that it was true the hard way.

BYE

“Go to America, bye,” Jess says, heartbroken and bitter and angry. Wow.

It’s a heartbreaking moment. Is there any coming back from this?