Watching Season 5, Episode 9 of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? was a little weird considering what went down with Paul and Karine over the weekend.
It’s nice to see his mom again, but seeing Paul is just not the same as fans learn more about him and what Karine has gone through.
Kalani and Asuelu prepared for their trip to see his mom, but they have very different ideas about what an appropriate gift would be.
Angela gives Michael some bad news that makes him reconsider their marriage.
Tania and Syngin head to South Africa, but Tania is afraid that he might not come back with her when he’s done.
Elizabeth’s family’s continued questions about Andrei’s shady fight lead to what may be a physical brawl between Andrei and her brother.
Most stunning of all was Debbie’s gleeful sabotage of Colt and Jess’ relationship.
For once, it was Debbie, not Colt, who sat back and watched chaos unfold by her own design.
Colt Johnson and Jess Caroline (and Debbie)
Colt and Jess are preparing to leave, so they return to Jess’ parents’ house to say goodbye. Colt and Debbie are given gifts, and Debbie is shocked that they are so nice to her after her, well, bad behavior at their house before. Jess explains that this is simply customary.
Colt had a hidden agenda
In the least subtle aside that we have ever seen, he took Jess’ dad for a quick sidebar in full view of everyone, using a translator app to ask Jess’ dad for permission to propose to Jess.
He said yes
Yes, asking any third party is a deeply weird custom with appalling patriarchal implications, but if it’s important to Jess’ family, it does make sense to play along. But naturally, this whole thing made Debbie deeply suspicious and worried that she was going to “lose” her son.
Jess will miss her folks
She talks about how it could be 9-10 more months before she sees her family again. Colt, stirring the pot, adds that it could be closer to a year.
Debbie does the math
She notes that Jess’ visa expires in six months. Clearly, she has been counting down the days, and is alarmed that Jess is talking about staying in the US for that long.
Jess keeps it vague
She hopes to stay in the US longer. Whatever she may mean by that, obviously, a K-1 visa and/or a marriage could change that 6-month stay into something that lasts longer — or indefinitely. Neither of them talk about this to Debbie, but she is shaken to her core by the implication that her grown adult son might marry his girlfriend.
Not on her watch!
In a voiceover, Debbie vows to the camera to do everything in her power to sabotage her son’s relationship with Jess. (On the one hand, that is wildly underhanded. On the other, given everything that we know about Colt, you could see this as her accidentally doing a huge favor for Jess)
So Debbie chats with Vanessa
Vanessa is watching their cats. After the two of them banter about not wanting Colt to get engaged to Jess, Debbie hatches her scheme.
Do Colt and Jess want to see a cat video?
Except that Debbie doesn’t just ask that — she mentions that she was chatting with Vanessa, who is cat-sitting. This is the same Vanessa about whom Colt has lied to Jess by claiming that they no longer talk. Debbie knows this, which is exactly why she name-dropped her.
Who, ME?!
Debbie acts all innocent, saying that Vanessa is just Colt’s friend and is a good person, and she’s watching their cats while they’re away.
Jess doesn’t care for that at all
When Colt tries to argue with her that he and Vanessa are just friends, insisting that Vanessa has no designs on boning him, Jess is upset that he’s acting like she’s crazy. (Fun fact: Colt dated another woman after all of this was filmed and cheated on her with Vanessa, so … Jess is not, in fact, “crazy” for thinking this)
This is such a moment
Debbie looks SO proud of herself as the producer asks her if she knew that Jess had a problem with Vanessa. She doesn’t answer, but it’s obvious — she caused this fight on purpose.
Jess is so mad
It’s not just that Vanessa, she believes, has designs on Colt. It’s that Colt has been lying to her this whole time to keep her happy while not changing anything. She storms off and takes the elevator, upset about living a lie.
Colt thinks that this is some sort of “red flag”
In reality, it was brought about by Debbie’s scheming and his own lies. If he wanted to choose a friendship over his girlfriend’s concerns, he could do so and have told her that at the time. Jess isn’t demanding that he have no female friends — her issue is with Vanessa, specifically. She has a right to know if Colt is staying friends with her.
Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi
After screaming at the sight of some monkeys, Angela and Michael continue to walk in the park in Nigeria so that she can tell him the news about her health.
Michael wants to know
Angela tells him that she had a biopsy. At first, he wonders why she got a second opinion from an American doctor, and Angela is shockingly diplomatic by skipping to the news.
Angela has real concerns
Most of all, she is worried that she may have cancer, which is why she got a biopsy while she was in the US. But she is also concerned about whether or not she will be able to “tote” a child for Michael.
Cancerous?
Though Michael soon glosses over this out of worry about having a kid, which is super weird, he is concerned to hear that she may have some sort of less-than-benign growth in her uterus.
And …
Angela prepares him for the possible reality that she may not be able to have a child, that at the very least, she may have to find an egg donor even if she CAN safely “tote” him an offspring.
Michael is taken aback
Fatherhood is apparently THAT important to him, which is good to be upfront about but not really reasonable for someone dating a woman in her 50s, even if Angela were in better health.
Angela doesn’t like that
There are a lot of good reasons to call off the marriage to Angela. Namely, the way that she has spoken to him on camera would, frankly, be grounds for her to receive court-ordered counseling and anger management if we lived in a more enlightened society. But “I, a woman in her 50s, may not be able to have a biological child with you” should not come as a shock.
But they get good news
No cancer and a clean bill of health … well, in terms of the biopsy. Also, that doctor was great and we’d love to see her show up more.
Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa
With both of their very young children in tow, they stop by a familiar store in Utah to buy Samoan gifts for Asuelu’s family ahead of their visit.
Gift shopping is fun!
They’re not going to Samoa, but Asuelu is excited to see his mother and sister.
Kalani has a plan
Asuelu’s mother and sister are demanding that he bring them $1,000. Kalani hopes that they can give them much less. And her plan here is to instead buy them gifts instead of a cash gift, to wean them off of their unreasonable cash demands.
Okay, but
Say what you will about Asuelu — he clearly has amazing taste in shirts. I think that I own two of these.
It has to stop
Asuelu works part time and makes maybe $1,000 in a given month. They do not have the kind of money to just be throwing four-figure gifts to his family.
Her plan hits a snag
Asuelu says that they can bring gifts AND give them a cash gift, which … defeats the whole purpose.
As for the quantity
On top of the gifts, Asuelu says that they should give his mother $1,000.
Kalani asks where the money will come from
Hilariously, he later plans to demonstrate giving money from his pocket, but finds that he does not even have the $50 for the demonstration, let alone 20 times that.
Kalani says that they cannot afford to make that kind of gift
Asuelu responds with a line usually reserved for predatory televangelists who are using people’s faith and fear to leech away at their money.
Kalani suggests the gifts plus $50
Asuelu fears that his family will be insulted by being given $50 … which is, to be clear, not considered insulting to most people. Most people appreciate getting $50 for free from a relative.
Asuelu explains
It is a Samoan cultural norm for younger family members to give money to their parents. This is expected to end when they turn around 40, at which point they expect to start receiving money from younger folks. That is backwards from American culture and also from, you know, moral obligations. It’s hard to look at that and not see a very slow-paced pyramid scheme of elders leeching money from young adults, but we can acknowledge that there are cultural differences at play.
Time to catch their flight
Kalani and Asuelu fly out and it looks like the flight to Washington went well.
But then …
With the entire family tired and the baby crying, they opt to stop at the AirBnB rental before visiting Asuelu’s parents instead of going directly there from the airport. Asuelu does not like this at all. (Real talk — they need to have a conversation about how sometimes plans need to change because of circumstances, because Asuelu seems to view every adjustment of plans as a personal slight)
Elizabeth Potthast and Andrei Castravet
After an explosive family meal, Elizabeth is eating Moldovan leftovers for breakfast. Honestly, the description of the food sounds like something out of the 1950s. Meat inside of gelatin is always a Choice.
They talk things out
Elizabeth explains that she doesn’t really want to call off the wedding, but then Andrei asks why she’s “afraid” to tell her dad that she wants Andrei to remain a stay-at-home dad forever.
He thinks that she can’t make up her mind
The reality, Elizabeth explains, is a little different.
She wants him to work
Elizabeth says that she was fine with him being a stay at home dad at first when their baby was little, but now their baby can hang out with her mom or whatever and they can both work. This isn’t just about income — it’s about seeing him become a homebody and she doesn’t think that this is who he is.
Later, at dinner
Chuck is not exactly enthusiastic about Moldovan food. We think that this is a mix of the food being a little strange, even for European food, and Chuck being accustomed to American food. What matters is that he tried it. (Signed, someone who had the “experience” of eating a pizza in Italy)
The interrogation of Andrei’s past continues
Elizabeth’s brother maintains that this is still just about “getting to know” Andrei, and she is LITERALLY in this middle of all of this. Her brother and Andrei get increasingly heated.
Oh no!
The two stand up and appear ready to physically fight each other, like wild animals. We expect to see the aftermath next week.
Paul Staehle and his mom, Mary
Karine took a back seat this episode, which is probably for the best. Given everything that happened with the two of them this weekend, seeing their drama on our screens a year later would NOT be fun. Instead, Paul was at a pet store with his mom.
Mary asks about his job search
That is SUCH a mom question to ask, but it’s extra important — Karine can’t work in the US, and he also has a baby to support.
It’s all about Pierre now
Mary reminds Paul that he wasn’t ready for marriage, yet alone to be a father and bring that baby into the world. She also straight-up calls him a “deadbeat.” It’s true and she should say it.
Paul explains his issue
His arson record is “for some reason” making it hard for him to find any kind of employment. SO weird that TLC is fine employing someone whom Burger King won’t hire.
Mary does make an overture
She pays for the dog treats that Paul had picked out. Paul has so many mouths to feed but it’s unclear if he can really feed himself. Again, not the biggest issue with Paul and Karine’s marriage, on the show or in real life, but you should always make sure that you can emotionally and financially support a baby before having one. Paul doesn’t seem equipped to do either.
Larissa Lima vs Eric Nichols
Last time, Larissa had found out that Eric had badmouthed her to his family and to strangers — telling people whom he had just met intimate details about their sex life, all designed to make her look bad. He had also compared notes with her ex-husband, Colt.
WHY?!
Larissa accuses Eric, who had just allowed her to move in with him, of hating her, because she cannot imagine speaking in such a way about someone whom he loves — or ever loved.
He bashed her to his own family
That doesn’t bode well for their long-term prospects, to say the least.
Eric counters
First of all, they were broken up at the time. Second of all, he has since admitted that he did not conduct himself well after their breakup. Third of all, he says that Larissa also spoke about him, complained about their sex life.
It’s not the same!
Larissa counters that Eric shared intimate details well beyond “we haven’t had sex so much recently” and that he stooped much lower than she did.
Also, he made fun of her ever-changing face
“Bitch, my face is 10,000 bucks” is a hell of a line.
Larissa was miserable
Honestly, this shot where her reflection is caught in one of the microwaves is really nice. Also, does one of these microwaves not work or are they just all about efficient food prep in this household?
Larissa calls Carmen
Carmen, who JUST kicked her out of her house after letting her stay there for nearly a year, invites Larissa to come over and speak in person.
I tOlD yOu So
Carmen gives Larissa very fair reminder that she had, in fact, predicted that this would not go well. Larissa is left wondering what to do now.
Then, she talks to David
Eric had tried to call her but she ends up chatting with David, Eric’s roommate, who is very much not taking her side in this.
Larissa snaps back at him
She wants David to just live his life without being a wedge between her and Eric. So much for her plans to bond with David, huh?
Tania Maduro and Syngin Colchester
Before their trip, the two of them have this very cute moment where we’re reminded that, contrary to what we see in so many episodes, they have so many happy and fun moments that don’t make for good television, but do make for a better marriage than it sometimes seems.
They’re on their way
Syngin’s brother contacted him from the hospital, which was a good reminder that he needed to see his family and now makes a great time for that.
He’s in a good mood
Syngin does at one point comment about how part of him wishes that he’d never left, which is uh … kind of hurtful.
Tania has a concern
She is worried that returning to South Africa could lead to him drinking at 8AM again. Tania is not anti-drinking by any means, but worries that some of Syngin’s old habits are not good for him. She’s right.
Syngin is so happy to hug his mom
But she does express that she feels that Syngin was rushed into marriage, by Tania, and she wants to see if he’s actualy happy in Connecticut. To be fair, Syngin wants to find that out, too.