Watching Season 5, Episode 9 of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? was a little weird considering what went down with Paul and Karine over the weekend.
It's nice to see his mom again, but seeing Paul is just not the same as fans learn more about him and what Karine has gone through.
Kalani and Asuelu prepared for their trip to see his mom, but they have very different ideas about what an appropriate gift would be.
Angela gives Michael some bad news that makes him reconsider their marriage.
Tania and Syngin head to South Africa, but Tania is afraid that he might not come back with her when he's done.
Elizabeth's family's continued questions about Andrei's shady fight lead to what may be a physical brawl between Andrei and her brother.
Most stunning of all was Debbie's gleeful sabotage of Colt and Jess' relationship.
For once, it was Debbie, not Colt, who sat back and watched chaos unfold by her own design.
Colt Johnson and Jess Caroline (and Debbie)
Colt and Jess are preparing to leave, so they return to Jess' parents' house to say goodbye. Colt and Debbie are given gifts, and Debbie is shocked that they are so nice to her after her, well, bad behavior at their house before. Jess explains that this is simply customary.
Colt had a hidden agenda
In the least subtle aside that we have ever seen, he took Jess' dad for a quick sidebar in full view of everyone, using a translator app to ask Jess' dad for permission to propose to Jess.
He said yes
Yes, asking any third party is a deeply weird custom with appalling patriarchal implications, but if it's important to Jess' family, it does make sense to play along. But naturally, this whole thing made Debbie deeply suspicious and worried that she was going to "lose" her son.
Jess will miss her folks
She talks about how it could be 9-10 more months before she sees her family again. Colt, stirring the pot, adds that it could be closer to a year.
Debbie does the math
She notes that Jess' visa expires in six months. Clearly, she has been counting down the days, and is alarmed that Jess is talking about staying in the US for that long.
Jess keeps it vague
She hopes to stay in the US longer. Whatever she may mean by that, obviously, a K-1 visa and/or a marriage could change that 6-month stay into something that lasts longer -- or indefinitely. Neither of them talk about this to Debbie, but she is shaken to her core by the implication that her grown adult son might marry his girlfriend.
Not on her watch!
In a voiceover, Debbie vows to the camera to do everything in her power to sabotage her son's relationship with Jess. (On the one hand, that is wildly underhanded. On the other, given everything that we know about Colt, you could see this as her accidentally doing a huge favor for Jess)
So Debbie chats with Vanessa
Vanessa is watching their cats. After the two of them banter about not wanting Colt to get engaged to Jess, Debbie hatches her scheme.
Do Colt and Jess want to see a cat video?
Except that Debbie doesn't just ask that -- she mentions that she was chatting with Vanessa, who is cat-sitting. This is the same Vanessa about whom Colt has lied to Jess by claiming that they no longer talk. Debbie knows this, which is exactly why she name-dropped her.
Debbie acts all innocent, saying that Vanessa is just Colt's friend and is a good person, and she's watching their cats while they're away.
Jess doesn't care for that at all
When Colt tries to argue with her that he and Vanessa are just friends, insisting that Vanessa has no designs on boning him, Jess is upset that he's acting like she's crazy. (Fun fact: Colt dated another woman after all of this was filmed and cheated on her with Vanessa, so ... Jess is not, in fact, "crazy" for thinking this)
This is such a moment
Debbie looks SO proud of herself as the producer asks her if she knew that Jess had a problem with Vanessa. She doesn't answer, but it's obvious -- she caused this fight on purpose.
Jess is so mad
It's not just that Vanessa, she believes, has designs on Colt. It's that Colt has been lying to her this whole time to keep her happy while not changing anything. She storms off and takes the elevator, upset about living a lie.
Colt thinks that this is some sort of "red flag"
In reality, it was brought about by Debbie's scheming and his own lies. If he wanted to choose a friendship over his girlfriend's concerns, he could do so and have told her that at the time. Jess isn't demanding that he have no female friends -- her issue is with Vanessa, specifically. She has a right to know if Colt is staying friends with her.
Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi
After screaming at the sight of some monkeys, Angela and Michael continue to walk in the park in Nigeria so that she can tell him the news about her health.
Michael wants to know
Angela tells him that she had a biopsy. At first, he wonders why she got a second opinion from an American doctor, and Angela is shockingly diplomatic by skipping to the news.
Angela has real concerns
Most of all, she is worried that she may have cancer, which is why she got a biopsy while she was in the US. But she is also concerned about whether or not she will be able to "tote" a child for Michael.
Though Michael soon glosses over this out of worry about having a kid, which is super weird, he is concerned to hear that she may have some sort of less-than-benign growth in her uterus.
Angela prepares him for the possible reality that she may not be able to have a child, that at the very least, she may have to find an egg donor even if she CAN safely "tote" him an offspring.
Michael is taken aback
Fatherhood is apparently THAT important to him, which is good to be upfront about but not really reasonable for someone dating a woman in her 50s, even if Angela were in better health.
Angela doesn't like that
There are a lot of good reasons to call off the marriage to Angela. Namely, the way that she has spoken to him on camera would, frankly, be grounds for her to receive court-ordered counseling and anger management if we lived in a more enlightened society. But "I, a woman in her 50s, may not be able to have a biological child with you" should not come as a shock.
But they get good news
No cancer and a clean bill of health ... well, in terms of the biopsy. Also, that doctor was great and we'd love to see her show up more.
Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa
With both of their very young children in tow, they stop by a familiar store in Utah to buy Samoan gifts for Asuelu's family ahead of their visit.
Gift shopping is fun!
They're not going to Samoa, but Asuelu is excited to see his mother and sister.
Kalani has a plan
Asuelu's mother and sister are demanding that he bring them $1,000. Kalani hopes that they can give them much less. And her plan here is to instead buy them gifts instead of a cash gift, to wean them off of their unreasonable cash demands.
Say what you will about Asuelu -- he clearly has amazing taste in shirts. I think that I own two of these.
It has to stop
Asuelu works part time and makes maybe $1,000 in a given month. They do not have the kind of money to just be throwing four-figure gifts to his family.
Her plan hits a snag
Asuelu says that they can bring gifts AND give them a cash gift, which ... defeats the whole purpose.
As for the quantity
On top of the gifts, Asuelu says that they should give his mother $1,000.
Kalani asks where the money will come from
Hilariously, he later plans to demonstrate giving money from his pocket, but finds that he does not even have the $50 for the demonstration, let alone 20 times that.
Kalani says that they cannot afford to make that kind of gift
Asuelu responds with a line usually reserved for predatory televangelists who are using people's faith and fear to leech away at their money.
Kalani suggests the gifts plus $50
Asuelu fears that his family will be insulted by being given $50 ... which is, to be clear, not considered insulting to most people. Most people appreciate getting $50 for free from a relative.
It is a Samoan cultural norm for younger family members to give money to their parents. This is expected to end when they turn around 40, at which point they expect to start receiving money from younger folks. That is backwards from American culture and also from, you know, moral obligations. It's hard to look at that and not see a very slow-paced pyramid scheme of elders leeching money from young adults, but we can acknowledge that there are cultural differences at play.
Time to catch their flight
Kalani and Asuelu fly out and it looks like the flight to Washington went well.
But then ...
With the entire family tired and the baby crying, they opt to stop at the AirBnB rental before visiting Asuelu's parents instead of going directly there from the airport. Asuelu does not like this at all. (Real talk -- they need to have a conversation about how sometimes plans need to change because of circumstances, because Asuelu seems to view every adjustment of plans as a personal slight)
Elizabeth Potthast and Andrei Castravet
After an explosive family meal, Elizabeth is eating Moldovan leftovers for breakfast. Honestly, the description of the food sounds like something out of the 1950s. Meat inside of gelatin is always a Choice.