That's what many people want to say when they attempt to pose in seductive fashion on the Internet.
But they don't always succeed.
In the following pictures, for example, they fail so miserably that they might as well be saying something else entirely via these supposedly sexy selfies:
Run far, far, far away...
The Look on That Woman's Face Says It All
And we don't mean the woman with the camera.
Because When People See Toilet Paper, They Think of Bare Butts
We guess that's hot?
At Least Grandma is Striking This Pose
That's the only silver lining we can think of.
Know What is NOT Sexy?
A guy sitting on the toilet, dropping a deuce, in the background of your same-sex smooch.
I'll Spread My Legs for You Like THIS
Wait, sorry, what? All I see is the guy back there flipping the bird.
Check Us Out, Fellas...
... ummm, in jail?
There's a Ball Flying at Your Head!!!!
Maybe if you get down on your knees to avoid it...
Ignore the dogs humping and focus on the possibility that we may someday hump, okay?
Sweet and Delicious
And, oh man, this is A LOT stickier than I thought it would be.
Wanna Come Over?
I'll sit on your face... just let me squeeze one out first.
Do You Know What Those are For?
People wash their rear ends in those things.
At the Funeral Home
And all excited and happy for some reason.
Look at My Shorts Coming Off
And not at my fat dad in the background.
I've Got Good News For You:
You won't need a condom! Because I can't get pregnant twice!
Not Now, Mom
We had the same thought, kid.
On Second Thought...
... maybe this was a sexy selfie success? And he wanted people to see his butt?
A Little to the Left, Grandma
Work with me here!
Their Baby is Taking This Photo
Can someone call Child Protective Services please?
Yup, More Pooping
Is it really so hard for people to avoid this?!?
That's Not Your Best Side, Mom
I hate to break it to you.
Talk about the ULTIMATE sexy selfie fail.