20 Douchiest Gwyneth Paltrow Quotes in Human History

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Gwyneth Paltrow.  The name is synonymous with "Privileged," which must give her license to say the most ridiculous, most obnoxious things in the world.

The Oscar winner and GOOP founder covers the May issue of SELF, which is apt given how much she talks about the organic, pristine, 24-carat life she enjoys.

Let's take a gander at the droplets of wisdom and advice that absolutely no one can relate to.

1. Americans Are Gross

Americans Are Gross
"We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art, and literature -- all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, 'Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you're wearing?' and I thought, I can't stay here. I have to get back to Europe."

2. "I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."

"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."
Can't you do both?

3. Listen To Your Friend, Beyonce

Listen To Your Friend, Beyonce
"Beyoncé’s like, ‘Okay. The singing is great. But you’re not having any fun. She’s like, ‘Remember when we were at Jay’s concert and Panjabi MC comes on and you do your crazy Indian dance? Do that."

4. Stop Projecting Your Poor-Person Sh** On Her

Stop Projecting Your Poor-Person Sh** On Her
"My books are No. 1 New York Times best sellers, my website is growing every day and is very successful. If people who know me and love me have a criticism, then I really want to hear it. But if not, it’s just a projection, like I’m a screen, and it’s not about me, so I don’t absorb it." (The Kit)

5. Do These Fries Make Me Look Fat?

Do These Fries Make Me Look Fat?
“We basically can’t live without Vegenaise—it’s a little out of control.”

6. #ScienceTalk

"We're human beings and the sun is the sun — how can it be bad for you? I think we should all get sun and fresh air. I don't think anything that is natural can be bad for you — it's really good to have at least 15 minutes of sun a day." (Cosmo UK)

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Gwyneth Paltrow Biography

British Vogue Cover
Gwyneth Paltrow is an American actress. We are happy to report that her head has been reattached since the movie, Seven, and now she... More »
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Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow Quotes

I've learned more about myself being married than anything else. I hate to say, "We've got it worked out," because you never know what's going to happen, but we laugh, we're good friends, we like to do the same stuff.

Gwyneth Paltrow

It's hard being married. You go through great times, you go through terrible times. We're the same as any couple.

Gwyneth Paltrow