When you’re an adult, it’s easy to see that kid’s movies? They’re actually horrible. Like these 17 terrible children’s movies you loved once upon a time.
Space Jam
Michael Jordan as Michael Jordan. Bugs Bunny as Bugs Bunny. Bill Murray as some old dude in space who loves basketball. WHAT?
Kazaam
Shaquille O’Neil as a wish-granting genie? Hey, if kid’s movies were good enough for Michael Jordan…
3 Ninjas
It was Home Alone meets Ninja Turtles meets terribly scripted fighting sequences that were also completely unrealistic. And so were all the sequels.
Jumanji
Jumanji basically made us all terrified to play board games ever again for the rest of our lives. WHAT IF WE HAVE TO PAY RENT ON TWO HOTELS ON BOARDWALK AND WE GO BANKRUPT?!
Zathura
Jumanji opened the door to give us Zathura, a movie featuring Dax Shepard as an astronaut and a (still not smiling) Kristin Stewart. On the plus side, the world was introduced to Josh Hutcherson, so it’s not a total loss.
Super Mario Brothers
The Mario brothers are Italian. They were played by Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, neither of whom are Italian. And then there was all that snot and everybody doing the dinosaur after opening the door and getting on the floor and maybe you had to be high to enjoy this as an adult.
Mortal Kombat
Once Super Mario Brothers was “successful” the world was given Mortal Kombat. Ugh. FINISH US NOW.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Four words: Vanilla. Ice. Ninja. Rap.
Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers
FYI: this is getting a reboot. Also FYI: People who remember how terrible the first movie was have let out a collective groan of exasperation.
An American Tail
Sure, Fievel was reunited with his family in the end, but this was a horribly depressing movie.
Jingle All the Way
This Arnold Schwarzenegger Christmas flick is everything wrong with the over-commercialism of the holiday and is probably the reason fights broke out over Tickle Me Elmo toys.
Problem Child
Never, ever, ever has a more annoying child graced a screen large or small. Never ever.
North
A young Elijah Wood takes off in search of new parents because he doesn’t like his and ends up walking for two weeks straight across frozen Alaska because the sun never goes down and he never runs out of water or food and doesn’t get tired and also WHAT JUST HAPPENED HOW DO I REMEMBER THAT?
Camp Nowhere
As a kid? Camp Nowhere was THE BEST MOVIE EVER! Except for that whole trying to go on vacation with your three best friends and the entire school tagging along part.
Home Alone 3
Kid gets sick and mom leaves her MAYBE 6 year old home alone to go to a business meeting. He, meanwhile, protects the entire neighborhood with a bird and a remote control car. Nope.
Home Alone 4
What even is this? Why, French Stewart, WHY?
Every Ernest Movie EVER
Seriously. All of them. They’re all the same and they’re all terrible.