• Should somebody call Val Kilmer and tell him that he might have herpes, too? [Oh no they didn’t]
• Lindsay Lohan pulled a Regis & Kelly on at the Marc Jacobs show. What does she think this is, freakin’ Missoni? [Gatecrasher]
• Really, we think Tom Ford would’ve gone with naked Dakota Fanning if Vanity Fair, and the law, had allowed it. [WWD]
• Well, Paris Hilton was a no-show, but TMZ has a video of Brian Quintana on the stand, admitting that Paris scared him so bad, he almost crapped his pants. [TMZ]
• Tom Cruise has Katie Holmes locked up in the basement. Well, at least that????????s our interpretation of ???????she’s tucked away so nobody will get us.” [MSNBC]
• Bob Guccione????????s puts his Penthouse mansion up for sale. Asking price? Oh, a breezy $99 million. [NYO]
• Penthouse founder Bob Guccione is facing a $4 million lawsuit from the company he used to run, which is looking for unrecovered cash, art and furniture.
• If it’s not Natalee Holloway, Fox News is seeing ratings climb thanks to Hurricae Katrina. The news network nabbed an average 2.8 million viewers on Monday, it’s largest of the year.
• Fairchild’s Cookie is accompanying its baby mag November launch with a stroller shopping event on Madison Avenue next month. And by the way he’s going, Brad Pitt might show.
• With Cargo‘s publisher Alan Katz jumping ship to head Vanity Fair in the business group shuffleboard, Conde Nast is bringing in American Media Inc. prez Lance Ford (of Maxim, Stuff and Blender launch fame) to run its men’s shopping title.
• Google is trying its hand at print advertising, quietly buying up ad pages in tech titles like PC Magazine and reselling the space as cut-up units to marketers already a part of its AdWords program.
• First Wal-Mart secured exclusive distribution for Time Inc.’s All You, now they’re securing exclusive rights to sell BET’s DVDs.
• Congrats to Niche Media overlord Jason Binn and wife Haley on the birth of Penny Olivia, who will likely get her own mail slot on Park Ave South.