Emma Heming never expected to become her husband’s caregiver.
Not at such a young age.
Bruce Willis’ dementia diagnosis has brought both sadness and clarity to his loved ones and fans.
The former actor himself, however, does not know — and never knew — about his cognitive decline.
‘He doesn’t know about it’
On the Wednesday, January 28 episode of Cameron Rogers’ Conversations with Cam podcast, Emma Heming touched upon her famous husband’s diagnosis.
Willis has frontotemporal dementia (FTP).
But according to Heming, he “never connected” the dots that he has any type of dementia.
She shared that he believes that his behavior is normal.
Heming explained that this isn’t denial. It’s his brain’s way of coping with his current reality. (Yes, that does sound very similar to denial)
“I think that’s the blessing and the curse of this,” Heming summarized.
“Bruce never tapped in,” she characterized.
Heming continued: “He never connected the dots that he has this disease.”
She expressed: “And I’m really happy about that, that he doesn’t know about it.”
There are competing suggestions for dealing with memory loss. Many now emphasize kindness — not forcing a loved one to realize that a loved one has been dead for years multiple times per year because they keep forgetting, for example.
‘It’s really hard to know when Bruce’s disease started and where he started to end’
Heming and Willis share 13-year-old Mabel and 11-year-old Evelyn.
She emphasized that this is dementia, not Alzheimer’s disease.
He knows who his loved ones are.
“You just learn how to adapt,” Heming explained, “and meet them where they are at.”
Before she could do that, however, Willis needed a diagnosis. As his wife, Heming had to go over his head to get that — and then do what was best for her husband.
“It’s really hard to know when Bruce’s disease started and where he started to end,” Heming lamented.
“I mean, it I don’t really have a clear answer on that,” she admitted. “And I don’t think I ever will.”
Heming continued: “And I know a lot of other couples that have gone through this.”
She explained: “It’s kind of that same sort of trajectory of like you think your marriage is falling apart, you consider divorce, and then you land on finally a diagnosis where everything starts to kind of make sense.”
Heming highlighted that it takes “a long time” to get a diagnosis for FTP. One major problem is misdiagnosis, as it can look like bipolar disorder, depression, or even just a plain old midlife crisis.
No one expected this in a man so young
We have to assume that Willis’ age — he is only 70 years old, and this clearly began in his early 60s if not earlier.
When an 80-year-old man displays clear signs of cognitive decline, it is, if not expected, understood as part of the aging process for many.
A man 20 years younger who leads an active life and has access to first-rate healthcare would never expect a sudden loss of mental faculties. Especially when this began before the COVID-19 virus decimated the cognition of millions.
With that in mind, it is easy to understand why Willis wouldn’t even suspect that he was experiencing cognitive decline until the condition had advanced too far for him to even be able to understand it.
And, knowing that she is someone who loves him, it’s similarly easy to understand why his wife is happy that he doesn’t know.