Apologies are great. They don’t fix everything, but they’re a good start.
When apologies turn into defenses, over-explanations, and worse … they can make things worse.
Disgraced former HGTV star Nicole Curtis should have stuck to her apology.
Unfortunately, her lengthy self-defense isn’t reassuring people like she had hoped that it would.
Most of the time, an earnest apology does not need a lengthy explanation
She started off strong. Well, relatively speaking, considering the abhorrent thing for which she was apologizing.
“I want to be clear: the word in question is wrong and not part of my vocabulary and never has been, and I apologize to everyone,” the former Rehab Addict star told TMZ.
According to Curtis, she did not receive a head’s up from HGTV that her show was getting pulled — on the very same day on which it had been scheduled to return from hiatus.
As we reported, her initial statement was anodyne at worst, and arguably graceful.
My focus, at this moment is rightfully on my relationships, and my community,” she affirmed. “The people who truly know my character and where my heart is.”
Unfortunately, Curtis decided to take to Instagram on the evening of Thursday, February 12 to post an extremely lengthy and ill-advised caption.
“There is anger, there is hate, there is pain. I’m here to take it,” she wrote.
“I haven’t been hiding, ignoring, waiting for this to pass,” Curtis insisted. “I’ve just been playing this all over and over again.”
She continued: “And watching the video and having this all out together to say the right thing, do the right thing after doing the wrongest of wrongs.”
To her credit, Curtis did reiterate: “I am sorry. I am filled with remorse and regret, just as much as I was one second after that word was said 4 years ago in 2022.”
Some of this sounds so defensive that it distracts from the apology
“I show this, I say this and I realize you are getting a limited view as what has been circulating is a clip of MY footage that was stolen then manipulated, edited, and sold to a tabloid to coincide with my return to television,” Curtis wrote.
She affirmed: “I make no excuse for this. I am not a victim. Nothing I say or do will take that moment 4 years ago away. I know it was wrong. This will never happen again.”
Curtis wrote: “I’m not addressing this because I was ‘caught.’ I’m here because I am not okay with the fact that I said that.”
She added: “I am and have been submerged in the African American community my entire adult life.”
Curtis acknowledged: “I am the white, small blonde in the neighborhood who knows that’s a word that represents evil, pain, torture, trauma when used by someone like me. And yet, it came from me.”
“You ask — how did that just easily come out,” Curtis acknowledged. “I don’t have an answer for that. It did and it shocked me as shown.”
In a very strange turn, she began listing odd non-obscenities that she has used on television.
“I throw together words, this is documented on 15 years of tv, interviews, posts of these random words,” Curtis described.
“The most famous ‘son of s beehive digger’ which took the place of SOB when I became a mommy and could not swear on TV,” she continued.
Curtis bizarrely listed: “I’m recent years, I’ve added fart digger, fart knocker. It’s documented.”
This is a painful situation, but HGTV made the right call
We cannot understand why Curtis would say a slur, let alone the literal worst slur of all.
It is not comparable to merely saying obscenities, which can be awkward on TV (or as a parent), because “f–k” harms advertiser revenue, but slurs harm entire communities –a s she has acknowledged.
(Also … “son of a beehive” would suffice for SOB. We have to ask what role “digger” plays in this. It is, at best, an unfortunate rhyme)
Now, based upon further comments on Instagram, it sounds like Curtis is saying that a vengeful ex leaked this video of her to sabotage her. That’s awful! It is not an excuse, and would not have been possible had she not used this slur.
We can understand the impulse to over-explain. A succinct and unwavering apology is better for yourself and, more importantly, for the afflicted community.