Melania Trump: I'm the REAL Victim of the Capitol Building Riots!

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With five people dead, thousands put at risk, and millions more traumatized by the sight of American democracy coming under attack on live TV, there's no denying the devastating consequences of last week's attack on the Capitol Building.

It's tough to gauge the damage to our national psyche or what sort of repercussions we might experience in the years to come.

But while many questions remain unanswered, surely we can all agree on one thing ..

Trump, Melania

... The people who were directly victimized by the attacks didn't suffer nearly as much as First Lady Melania Trump.

Sure, she was never in any danger, and the rioters were the personal minions of her husband, spurred to action by his inflammatory rhetoric.

And yes, for years now, she's been complicit in creating the sort of political climate in which Americans lash out with violent furor when they don't get their way.

Donald Trump and Melania Trump at Airport

Oh, and we suppose she ... okay, that's enough heavy-handed sarcasm for one day.

Obviously, Melania wasn't victimized by the attack -- in fact, aside from being forced to endure an unusually sulky evening from the rotisserie-skinned man baby she married, she wasn't affected by the riots in the slightest.

But don't tell her that.

Melania Trump with her Donald

Despite the fact that she was reportedly overseeing a photoshoot at the time of the attack and seemed "checked out" when asked to issue a statement to the nation, Melania apparently believes that she deserves the bulk of the sympathy.

In a statement that appeared to be heavily cribbed from previous speeches she's given (which were also not actually written by her), Melania mentioned the day's actual victims in passing before moving on to present her own sob story.

"With nearly every experience I have had, I found myself carrying many individual’s stories home with me in my heart," the first lady wrote.

Donald Trump and Melania Trump Together

"Most recently, my heart goes out to: Air Force Veteran, Ashli Babbitt, Benjamin Philips, Kevin Greeson, Roseanne Boyland, and Capitol Police Officers, Brian Sicknick and Howard Liebengood," she added listing those who lost their lives in connection with the attack.

"I pray for their families comfort and strength during this difficult time."

Then, quite randomly, the first lady shifted the focus to herself, and the "gossip" she's been forced to endure.

Melania Trump Birthday Card Pic

"I find it shameful that surrounding these tragic events there has been salacious gossip, unwarranted personal attacks, and false misleading accusations on me – from people who are looking to be relevant and have an agenda," she wrote.

"This time is solely about healing our country and its citizens. It should not be used for personal gain.

"As an American, I am proud of our freedom to express our viewpoints without persecution."

Angry Melania Trump

She concluded by pointing out that throughout the history of this great nation, many have given their lives in order to protect our right to ... never be criticized?

"Many have made the ultimate sacrifice to protect that right," she wrote.

"With that in mind, I would like to call on the citizens of this country to take a moment, pause, and look at things from all perspectives.

Melania Trump Aboard Air Force One

("From all perspectives" is Melania -- or her speechwriters' -- version of "both sides." It pops up in pretty much all of her speeches.)

For the record, Melania didn't get around to mentioning the victims until the fourth paragraph of her statement -- and no, she did not mention them a second time.

She also began her list with Ashli Babbit, who was shot and killed by authorities while attempting to carry out an attack on members of Congress who were inside the building.

Trumps at the White House

But setting the typos and the dog-whistle calls to violence aside, what really stands out here is Melania's astonishing narcissism.

On a day when tens of millions of people looked to their leaders for solace and guidance, Mrs. Trump had to vent about how pissed she was that her chief of staff quit, and her former bestie said mean things about her.

We've gotta hand it to this family -- they could already claim the World's Biggest Egomaniac as one of their own, and now it looks as though they've got a strong cotender for runner-up living under the same roof!

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