Kylie Jenner Goes Pantsless, Rocks Knee-High Boots, Wins Internet
by Tyler Johnson at .There hasn't been much good news to report in recent months, which is why we've enjoyed keeping you up to date on one of the very few good things to come out of the coronavirus pandemic:
We're talking, of course, about Kylie Jenner's quarantine content.
Demonstrating the entrepreneurial instincts that helped make her the world's youngest billionaire, Kylie was one of the first celebs to recognize the opportunity within the crisis.
She realized that this was a chance to cut out the middle-men and communicate directly with fans from one quarantined home to another.
Granted, quarantining is a lot easier when you live in a $36 million mansion.
And yes, video of Kylie twerking in a bikini probably isn't gonna help the US get through this any sooner -- but hey, it sure beats a bunch of B-listers earnestly crooning John Lennon's "Imagine."
What we're saying is, when Kylie Jenner forgoes pants for a butt-baring pictorial, she's not just some Instagram celeb posting thirst traps because she's bored.
No, she's a trailblazing pioneer who recognizes the ability of social media to bring the world closer together -- like Mark Zuckerberg in a thong.
As part of our apology for putting that image in your mind, please accept these photos of Kylie Jenner not wearing any pants.
She captioned her latest photo spread "office days," which is either her way of repeating that old joke about being naked from the waist down on Zoom meetings, or a weird flex about being so rich she doesn't have to wear pants.
Either way, we're pretty sure HR would like to have a word with Kylie.
But while some persnickety Toby Flenderson type might take issue with Kylie's decision to test the limits of casual Friday, her followers were overwhelmingly in favor of the pics.
The post has racked up nearly 10 million likes in the 24 hours since it went live.
Many of the commenters were at a loss for words, and were forced to express their fondness for the photos with a string of flame or heart emojis.
But some Kylie-worshippers were less tongue-tied, and they took advantage of the opportunity to wish Kylie a happy birthday!
Yes, everyone's favorite lip kit mogul turns 23 today
If you're that age, or about to be that age, or you're three times that age, and you haven't accomplished quite as much as Kylie, take heart:
Freakin' no one has accomplished as much, and we're sure on some level, she recognizes that she's been able to experience such great success largely because she's been incredibly fortunate.
We like to think that's why she takes pity on us peasants and throws us the occasional bone.
Sure, she might not be paying off her fans' student loans, but she's posting more skin pics than ever, largely because she knows America is going through a very hard time.
Our apologies for the unintentional puns in those last two sentences.
What we're saying is, billionaires are not terribly popular these days, and perhaps there's good reason for that.
But instead of sitting around and wiping her tears away with gold-leaf tissues, Kylie is doing something about it.
Maybe if Jeff Bezos did a little less profiteering and a little more bikini twerking, he wouldn't have such an image problem.
Again, we're very, very sorry for putting that forcing you to live with that image for the rest of your life.
We're starting to think all this isolation is rotting our brains.
