Well, another season of Jersey Shore is upon us.
In many respects, Thursday night’s season premiere offered more of what we’ve come to expect from our favorite gang of guidos.
Yet in some ways, this upcoming slate of episodes is unlike any other.
After all, the retirement of Snooki means this is essentially the end of an era. Jersey Shore without Snooki is just hard to fathom.
As for Mike’s release from prison?
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen this week, and instead, we got stuck with one of the lamest filler episodes in Shore history.
Along with a camera crew, the gang descended on Jenni’s house hoping to welcome Mike home after eight months in the clink.
Unfortunately, for one reason or another, N.Y. State prison authorities decided to hold on to the guest of honor a little longer.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
And so, everyone went bowling and then to a strip club, and then Vinny and Angelina wrestled on a bed for a freakin’ hour.
It wasn’t exactly thrilling, but at least we learned a thing or two about biology.
"This is how people on Staten Island end up pregnant!" Pauly quipped.
Good to know.
The real drama occurred when the grown-ass guidos decided to buy some frozen treats from an ice cream man …
… and then not pay the guy.
For obvious reasons, the dude in question was not thrilled and did what he could to get his money.
Jenni ranted, apparently under the impression that she was in the right:
"This guy is gonna get an upside-down twisted [inaudible] because you picked the wrong f–king day ’cause our friend wasn’t out of jail, and then you’re gonna sit on my f–king driveway like the f–king chooch that you are with your blaring f–king music?"
"I’m about to slash your f–king tires and have the cops escort you off my f–king property. Just because I have a nice house doesn’t mean I was raised here, bitch."
"We can take this to the f–king street."
Fortunately, the guy kept his cool by Jersey standards, and mostly responded by shouting Goodfellas catchphrases at JWoww.
"F–k you, pay me!" he repeatedly shouted in his best Henry Hill voice.
That may seem a little aggressive, but c’mon.
These people are making way too much money to stiff a hard-working ice cream man out of $27.
The whole scene would have been more infuriating were it not for the fact that it was obviously staged.
The fact is, producers showed up at Jenni’s house hoping to catch the Situation’s homecoming party.
Instead, they had to force Vinny and Angelina to engage in the world’s most cringe-worthy rap battle.
Gotta have something to film, right?
That night at dinner, Angelina and Vinny got so flirtatious that the rest of the cast was left feeling as though they were crashing a one-on-one on The Bachelor.
Granted, this was before Angelina married Chris Larangeira, but she was engaged.
We suppose if he’s cool with it, Angelina and Vinny’s constant flirtations are okay, but it makes Vinny’s recent comments on Angelina’s Instagram page that much weirder.
Dude just wants to get it in so bad!
In the end, the gang left without welcoming back the Sitch, but at least JWoww learned an important lesson.
"I don’t think Jenni’s ever letting us stay here again," Vinny pointed out near the end of the episode.
Probably for the best. Now, JWOWW finally knows how those landlords down in Seaside feel …