Duane Chapman lost his wife, Beth, back in June when she died after a brave and public battle with cancer.
She was 51 years old.
The veteran reality star made it clear at the time that he was in a lot of pain and that he would need a long time to even start moving on…
… and now Duane has made that clear once again in a new and candid interview.
“I will be glad when this year over,” the famoous bounty hunter just told Radar Online in a phone interview from his Colorado home, adding of whay he’s also NOT looking forward to the end of the year:
“I’m trying to hold the holiday traditions. Beth was very traditional and I want to hold those traditions as we did when Beth was here.”
It makes perfect sense that calendar milestones such as this would be especially difficult for Chapman, who openly mourned Beth on what would have been her 52nd birthday.
Chapman went on to explained that when Beth was alive, “it was mandatory” for all their chikdren to come home for Christmas, but this year, “that’s not going to happen.”
As a result, he won’t have a strong support system at home during what is meant to be special family time.
“Beth was the punisher in the family and they know their dad is a softy,” he tells Radar.
“So, a lot of the kids aren’t coming this year. They’re like ‘Dad, we are going to do our own thing.’ I’m like ‘Okay, whatever.’ So that’s a little sad. I’ll mostly be alone.”
Duane, who confessed in the past to having suicidal thoughts shortly after Beth died, is now trying to shift his focus from the personal to the professional.
The reality star star says he spends most of his days focusing on his new show, Dogs Most Wanted, to distract himself from the loss of his soulmate.
“I’m really depending on Season 2 after the holidays," Chapman explains.
"I’m hoping for the best. I was looking at mugshots and talking to the mugshots and saying you know ‘You better enjoy your freedom right now because I’m going to tell you something: wait until you get a load of Dog without Beth.’"
At this, Radar notes, Duane started "choking up."
"Catching the bad guys kind of keeps my mind off of stuff. But I feel like doing something worthy in life to keep going.
"I feel kind of empty without putting some of them really bad bastards in jail."
Hey, as well need a purpose, right?
As for his mental state these days? Duane says it’s been a struggle, but he no longer has thoughts of killing himself.
‘Allegedly time heals all wounds, but if I start thinking about it, then I go back to the original," he laments.
"I used to think for sure there is a heaven. I’m not sure anymore. If there was, Beth would talk to God to letting her come back for just a minute.
"And so I know there is a God for sure. But I don’t know about heaven. I hope to God there is and I can see her again. I’m going through that right now."
“I’m very lonely,” Chapman says.