Lori Loughlin: No Need to Throw Me in Jail! I Already Feel Super Guilty!

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Remember Lori Loughlin?

There was a time when that question would've been the prelude to a nostalgic conversation about '90s sitcoms.

Loughlin, Lori

Now, it's a way to revisit the messiness of the college admissions bribery scandal.

Loughlin stands accused of shelling out $500,000 to ensure that her daughters would be admitted to USC as members of the crew team ... even though neither of them had ever rowed before.

The scheme backfired in spectacular fashion, and Loughlin is now facing a federal prison sentence.

Her daughters, Isabella and Olivia Jade Giannulli, have dropped out of school, claiming they feared being bullied by their fellow students as a result of the scandal.

(Hilariously, Olivia Jade says she never wanted to attend college in the first place.)

Lori Loughlin People Magazine Cover

It remains to be seen what will happen to Lori when she goes in front of a judge, but she's already hard at work trying to clear her name in the court of public opinion.

Yes, we've entered that part of the scandal cycle where Lori and her daughters attempt to portray themselves as the victims.

The family covers People magazine this week, and inside, a "source" (read: publicist) close to the Loughlin-Giannullis pleads their case in hilariously out-of-touch fashion.

“Lori is remorseful, and she has definite regrets,” says the PR pro.

“She’s embarrassed and hurt, and she knows that her reputation has been ruined for life. But she also believes the allegations against her aren’t true,” the Loughlin source adds.

Lori Loughlin Off to Court

“She honestly didn’t think what she was doing was any different than donating money for a library or athletic field. That’s the crux of why she pleaded not guilty.”

Yikes. We hope Lori didn't pay too much for that half-assed pseudo apology.

Save your money for your legal fees, girl!

From there, the rep continues stating the painfully obvious, saying:

"Lori is ready for this to be over. They all are."

Olivia Jade and Lori Loughlin

"At this point, it would be better to spend a few months in jail — because she’s been spending the last several months in her own prison.”

Wow. She's really going with the old "actual prison is nothing compared to the prison of personal guilt I've been living in" routine?

You almost have to admire the shamelessness. Almost.

We're surprised she didn't pull something like "How I can I fear the big house, when I spent seven seasons locked in the agony of ... FULL House? My onscreen husband begged for mercy, but the audience was our jailer and they simply refused to ... Cut. It. Out."

Olivia Jade and Lori Loughlin on Instagram

As you may recall, Loughlin refused a plea deal and is will soon stand trial

“They weren’t ready to accept that,” said the insider of the offer from prosecutors that would've allowed the actress and her husband to avoid jail time.

Yeesh. Talk about tone deaf.

At this point, Lori should really be hoping for prison time.

The clink might be the only place where she'll find people who actually sympathize with her situation.

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