So Derick Dillard is pretty gross, right?
Come on, that's just a fact.
But another fact is that he is a part of the Duggar family, and being a Duggar comes with many special responsibilities.
One of those being that you have to blog about your weird sex stuff at least every couple of years.
It's hard to keep up with how many Duggars have done this, as it really does happen more than you might think -- who could forget Michelle's instruction for women to be "joyfully available" to their husbands literally all of the time?
More recently, Jill has been more and more open her sex life with Derick on Instagram, even showing photos on Instagram of the kind of sexy games they've been playing.
(Actual games, to be clear, she hasn't been posting porn.)
Following his wife's lead, as well as his mother-in-law's lead before her, Derick has just posted a little piece on his blog titled "Hot Love: How to Love Your Wife Like You Mean It."
And yes, it's a pretty tough read.
Back in June, Jill wrote her own piece about how to love your husband, and it did get a lot of attention, so Derick kicks things off by saying that he'd been getting a lot of requests to write his own version of that.
In his intro, he calls Jill "the woman of my dreams," and adds that "nearly five years later, I can happily say that we are still very much in love."
He then gets more general by saying that everyone wants that kind of happiness in a marriage to last forever, and it can with this simple equation:
Desire + intentionality = hot love
Because you have to want to be with your spouse and you also have to work on your relationship, right?
Sorry, but it really doesn't get better from here.
His first tip on achieving this "hot love" is to "have lots of good sex!"
"You both need this time together regularly (5-6 times (or more) a week is a good start)," he says.
We would take some time to talk about how wild it is that he thinks getting busy nearly ever single day is "a good start," but then he actually drops a little bit of a bombshell.
"Guys, you need to keep yourself 'joyfully available' for your wife, because only you can fulfill certain desires she might have," he writes.
Previously it was assumed that with the Duggars, the women need to be ready for sex at the drop of a hat and that the men call all the shots, which is still probably true, but it's nice that Derick at least has the same rule for men.
Of course, it would be best if they could drop the "joyfully available" thing altogether and just, say, have sex only when both people are into it, but baby steps, OK?
Derick even has a tip for if you can't have sex because of health issues or whatever -- he advises men to "find other ways to have fun and be intimate."
He says it's also important to "Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone," because don't forget, masturbation is devil stuff.
He then suggests to see a doctor and/or a counselor if there are issues in the bedroom, which, again, is pretty wild to hear from this bunch, right?
The next tip is to "be vigilant," because "regardless of who does what in a relationship, it is ultimately the man's responsibility to protect his marriage and family."
"We must always be careful to give special attention to constantly evaluate and adjust our lives according to the Bible, the leading of God's Holy Spirit, and the wise counsel of others."
Another bit of advice is to "be humble."
"None of us are perfect," he writes, "and if we ever think we're too good for something bad to ever happen," like a divorce, "then we're deceiving ourselves."
Other things Derick suggests include being being completely honest with your spouse, and to be open with your spouse if they hurt you.
He really pushes the idea of seeking help from a counselor if needed, which really is nice.
He also says that you should pray for your wife, naturally, and that you should set aside at least 15 minutes a day just to talk.
No gossip, no name-calling, no talking while angry or going to bed angry.
It's also important, he stresses, not to treat your wife like your mother or let your wife think you're her father, so that's ... something.
One interesting point is that Derick reveals he and Jill have a monthly service called Covenant Eyes, a subscription service where you pay $15.99 a month for it to help you quit looking at porn?
Seriously, if you check out the site, it's all "Quit looking at porn, we'll help you!" They send screenshots of suspicious activity to someone of your choosing, too.
As if that wasn't enough, Derick and Jill apparently never put themselves alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex.
He pushes the idea of spending time alone with your wife, and before he finishes off his post, he suggests therapy one more time.
And that, friends, is how Derick Dillard strives to behave as a husband.
He's still trash, and a lot of this is real weird, but hey, at least he believes in therapy, right?
In a world where we have to be subjected to a piece of writing from this man titled "Hot Love," we have to hold on to the positives, OK?