The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Ladies Drag Lisa Vanderpump One Last Time

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The most recent season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has sucked for a variety of reasons. 

Without Lisa Vanderpump, the series just can't seem to keep it together. 

Unfortunately, Vanderpump decided to bail on the reunion, giving her haters an even bigger platform to bash her. 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 9 Reunion Still

Andy Cohen claimed he had no idea LVP was going to be no show, but he did notice a report a day earlier that confirmed she was out of the series for good. 

That was allegedly news to him. Yikes. 

As for the others, well they were as deluded as ever as they tried to stick the knife further into their nemesis ... even though she was not there to bite back. 

Kyle Richards, who has become one of the least likable cast members in the franchise, said that she felt like Lisa was trying to quit before she got fired. 

If you watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills online, you know that LVP is one of the most successful Bravo stars around, so the notion that she was ever going to be fired is simply laughable. 

"I think she gave that interview yesterday so that she could say she quit because she knew that if she didn't show up here today that you would probably do the same thing that you had to do with Adrienne and fire her," Kyle explained.

Kyle Richards Speaks at the Season 9 Reunion

"So she was preempting getting fired by saying she quit yesterday."

Kyle went further, admitting that she has wanted to ditch filming in the past, but knew she was obliged to show up and get it over with because of her contract. 

Vanderpump has been open and honest about her decision to quit, saying that her cast members had been harassing her for "10 months," and Andy wanted to find out whether they felt the same. 

"How do you harass someone that you have no contact with whatsoever?" Dorit wondered, as Kyle said that most of the cast had not heard from Vanderpump since Dorit's wedding. 

Andy wanted more answers, so he brought up a Radar Online article that "Lisa is being burned at the stake, nailed to the cross and stoned by her co-stars all at the same time."

In a word? WOW. 

Erika Girardi Looks Bewildered at the Season 9 Reunion

Erika Jayne, who always has a funny response, said the following:

"Get off the cross; we need the wood."

It was golden. 

As for why LVP didn't show up to the taping, Kyle chimed in with yet another outlandish string of words. 

"I think that she doesn't wanna face any of us because she has been unmasked," Kyle said.

"The fact that she was called out with what originally happened at Vanderpump Dogs -- why would you do that to someone that you care about?"

"That was the biggest issue. I think that she can't face that, so she's focusing on the Radar [Online story] over and over and over again so we cannot talk about what actually happened at Vanderpump Dogs."

Teddi Mellencamp Looks Astonished at the Season 9 Reunion

Meanwhile, Teddi Mellencamp finally admitted that she was sorry for working with LVP to make Dorit look bad after the whole PuppyGate fiasco. 

She said she was "petty and angry at Dorit" for a comment she made last year. Andy recognized that there was something iffy about Teddi's defense. 

He found it odd that Teddi didn't have any contact with LVP about the seemingly orchestrated plan, but Teddi kept bringing it back to the two Johns and how they were following Lisa's orders to make Dorit look bad. 

Erika said she "didn't realize how much Teddi disliked Dorit" and that it was "mean to have gone far enough down that road."

Dorit then entered the ring because, well, she was pissed. 

"I think what really stuck with me was that I kept asking, 'At what point did you realize you didn't wanna go through with it?' And then at Vanderpump Dogs, when I saw that Lisa said, 'No, no no,' and that I was just gonna be the one that was a scapegoat, I thought to myself, 'Wow, it wasn't actually your conscience and thought, 'I don't wanna do this to Dorit.' It was, 'I don't wanna be the only one to do this to Dorit.' And that hurt."  

Dorit Kemsley Aghast at Season 9 Reunion

When that was all said and done, it was time for more drama about Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. The show couldn't help but tell viewers on a weekly basis that Denise was married to Sheen at one point. 

Denise admitted that Charlie was mad the scene with her telling viewers he brought a hooker to Thanksgiving made the air. 

"I said, 'I didn't know it was a secret! You've been so public and open about your ladies of the night,'" Denise explained.

"And he goes, 'Well, I'm in a different place.' I go, 'But people love you because you are honest and that is a big part of your past.'"

One fan asked Denise why she was "so good at dealing with crazy."

Denise Richards Cries at Season 9 Reunion

"He's my daughters' dad, and we've been divorced for 14 years," she replied. "Everything was so crazy."

Denise even opened up about what happened after their split. 

"I didn't want our daughters to be privy to anything that was negative going on in his life," she said.

"After he was diagnosed with HIV, the kids did not know at that point, I moved in the neighborhood where he was living, and being that close to him, it was very hard, but any time that something would go on at the house or with him, he knew he could call me at 2 in the morning and I would be there, no matter what."

"And a lot of people judge me for that, but I wanted him to be the best dad he could be for him, for our girls, and preserve that because I have such an amazing relationship with my father, so that's why I always did that."

"I'm not a saint," she continued.

Denise Richards Chats About Bahamas Trip

"I do my best, and I've made a lot of mistakes with Charlie, but I think that it's best to not talk in such a negative manner about your children's father because they're the ones that suffer, ultimately."

Denise revealed the the media stories only captured "a snippet of what was really going on."

One of the biggest things about the divorce was that Richards did not try to get a lot of money from Sheen, and she revealed she didn't want to travel that route. 

Then there was Camille. Camille arrived near the end of the reunion, and things got heated. 

Andy seemingly hinted that Camille was using Kelsey Grammer's surname to remain relevant, and that she got a lot of money from her divorce. 

Camille Grammer Speaks at the Season 9 Reunion

"What was your reaction to Denise not having a pre-nup in her marriage?" Andy asked Camille. 

"Well, I was married for 13 years," Camille explained. "That's a long time."

Denise had been married to Charlie for five, and Andy wanted to know whether Camille thought Denise should have asked for half of Charlie's money. 

"I don't know," prompting Denise to say that Charlie was broke when they got married, but Camille couldn't resist getting a dig in. 

"Got it. Okay, well, I don't know much about it. I'm sorry I don't follow you that much," she snapped. 

"I can only speak about myself," Camille said in the aftermath.

Camille Grammer Grins

"I just don't. It's okay, whatever. I just felt that working and -- and I worked hard -- I just didn't sit back buying fancy clothes and shoving bonbons in my face. I mean, I worked hard."

There were crickets for a few seconds as everyone gathered their words, and then Dorit asked Denise if she even liked bonbons. 

"I've never had one," she replied. 

Okay, that was wild. 

The drama continues next Tuesday at 9/8c. 

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