Maybe you thought that since he’s finally been booted off the show, the conversation about Luke Parker would now mercifully come to an end.
But unfortunately for all of us, the pint-sized preacher keeps figuring out new and innovative ways to extend his 15 minutes of fame.
In a way, it’s a good thing, as hating Luke Parker is one of the only activities that’s truly united our divided nation so far this year.
But in many more ways, it’s a terrible thing, as Luke’s schtick got old right around the time he body-slammed that other Luke on the rugby field, and for the sake of our national sanity we really need his ultra-punchable-face to disappear from our TV screens before people all over the country start putting fists through their Toshibas.
Yes, believe it or not, Luke makes yet another appearance on tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette.
In fact, we’re in for not one but two doses of the most charismatically psychotic religious zealot since Jim Jones, as Luke first invades Hannah’s rose ceremony, and then sits down with Chris Harrison to tell his side of the story to Chris Harrison for the Men Tell All special.
But what could Luke really have to say in his own defense at this point, right?
After all, we’ve watched the guy lie, manipulate, and engage in all manner behavior that can only be described as abusive.
But believe it or not, there are many, many people who are in Luke’s corner and who believe he did the right thing by slut-shaming Hannah before pathetically groveling for her forgiveness.
And not surprisingly, Luke’s most ardent supporters can be found in his own family:
“He’s been a man of faith on that show, and I believe all season long they’ve pinned those names on him, they’ve pinned those labels, because of his stance for his faith,” his brother, Mike Parker, tells Fox News.
“[What viewers saw] that’s the Luke P. character that ABC created. That is not Luke Parker, my brother,” Mike continued.
Yes, Mike claims that Bachelor producers manipulated their footage to make Luke look like a bad guy … which doesn’t really hold water because dude did the things he did and said the things he said, and it really doesn’t matter what the context was.
Mike says ABC’s goal from the outset was to make Luke out as “evil,” a “pathological liar,” and “narcissistic."
He says that in the week since he was kicked off the show, Luke has been repeatedly attacked for his “bold stance for his faith.”
But it makes sense that Mike would rush to his brother’s defense — the two of them are still family, after all.
What’s far more surprising is that Luke has found thousands of supporterss online who agree with Mike’s assessment.
Yes, like the Duck Dynasty douche before him, Luke has made the leap from reality star to religious martyr.
In fact, on Evangelical Twitter there are many who believe Hannah was in the wrong for leading Luke to believe that the two of them share simllar religious views.
To be perfectly clear, this is all absolute horsesh-t, and the fact that Luke hasn’t publicly condmemned it makes us hate him more than anything he did during his time on the show.
But we suppose we can’t blame the guy for trying to fashion a career as a public figure out of all this.
Expect homeboy to start courting a Duggar daughter any day now.