These days, Colt Johnson is dating someone new -- a Brazilian model who reminds many of his social media followers of his ex-wife.
But when Sunday night's episode of 90 Day Fiance aired, Colt and Larissa Lima were still an item. Well, sort of ...
The episode basically documented Colt and Larissa's last stand, an occasion at which Coltee attempted to act tough, possibly in hopes of signaling to other South American opportunists that he's ready to be used by someone new.
“I can only take so much,” Colt said during a showdown in the shadow of Debbie's famous slot machine.
“I’m done. I don’t like you. I’m tired of you. I’m going to divorce you.”
Colt's not messing around, folks! He's still taken seriously by exactly zero humans, but at least he's trying!
“Larissa needs to go home. She crossed the line,” he later said in a confessional.
“She will not get that Green Card. I don’t give a s–t. I will testify against her.”
Tough talk from a guy who's already bailed Larissa out of jail on multiple occasions.
Then again, Colt was always the one who called the cops on Larissa, so we don't doubt his willingness to hide behind the law.
Speaking of people seeking to use deportation as a punishment for the crappy spouses they married on impulse, Ashley wanted Jay's ass sent back to Jamaica on the next thing smoking ... until she got sick and needed support from someone other than her lame friend Destiny,
As we know Ashley has lupus (There's been considerable debate over whether or not she's really sick or faking it for sympathy, but we'll leave that discussion for another time.), and apparently, the Jay situation resulted in a major flare-up.
Jay returned from Florida to be by her side, and since there's no greater sign of affection than leaving a tropical climate behind for Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania, Ashley was impressed by the gesture.
“If I want to try to make my marriage work, then I have to withdraw the divorce,” she said.
“I can’t say I’m 100 percent sure that I am making the right decision but I love him and I’m going to try everything I can to make this marriage work.”
As we know, the rekindled romance was short-lived, and Jay is currently awaiting deportation at an ICE detention center.
See? 90 Day Fiance isn't just a guilty pleasure! It's all topical and "ripped from the headlines" and whatnot!
Elsewhere in the episode, Chantel and Pedro continued to promote their spinoff -- sorry "work on their marriage" -- despite the fact that their families are clearly just waiting for the right time to use stun guns on each other."
Libby and Andrei recently became the latest 90 Day couple to welcome a child, and her family was understandably chagrinned by the fact that the little girl looks like her father.
That's not an attack on Andrei's appearance, but it is an attack on the fact that he's an abusive, freeloading jackass who drives recklessly on the highway despite the fact that he has a 2-day-old baby in the backseat.
(Although he was right to make fun of Libby for complaining about the car seat's lack of a sunshade, considering they were driving home at night.)
Oh, we guess Russ and Paola did stuff too, but here's a fun fact about their storylines -- it's a violation of federal law to not fast-forward through that boring nonsense.
Seems crazy, but it's not to take any chances and just abide by the law.
You don't want to get deported, do you?!