Tori Spelling is an actress, but prior to the upcoming 90210 reboot, it had been quite some time since she made any real money in her chosen career field.
Dean McDermott is technically an actor, but since he's best known for hosting the Canadian version of Choppped, it might be time to surrender that title.
The McDermotts have expensive taste, and Hollywood isn't exactly chomping at the bit to cut them 8-figure checks, which is why Tori and Dean are aways broke.
Fortunately for them, this is 2019, a time when no one ever really stops being famous.
And so, they still have revenue streams available to them, and they'll probably be able to avoid getting real jobs for the rest of their lives.
Mostly, Spelling and McDermott have been trying to pay the bills by appearing on various short-lived reality shows.
But they've dabbled in other side-hustles as well.
Tori and Dean's pyramid scheme didn't prove to be as lucrative as they had hoped, so now McDermott has become the 50 bajillionth D-lidst celeb to launch a podcast.
His is rather unfortunately titled Daddy Issues, and of course, Tori was his first guest.
Like literally every other person living in Hollywood, Dean decided that his 'cast should have an edgy, irreverent tone, so within minutes of Tori sitting down, one of his co-hosts remarked that he would like to see her star in a sex tape.
“If I knew you were going to watch it, I would vajazzle. I did it once for [Dean],” the actress replied.
“Yes, it was fantastic,” Dean chimed in, adding that they haven't done it again for fear that the Tori's vadge jewels could become a “choking hazard.”
“I went down on her and I came up and it looked like I had a stud in my nose, like did you get your nose pierced?" McDermott recalled/
"No, your vajazzle came off.”
Things got even weirder from there, as Tori revealed that the Real Housewives franchise plays a role in their bedroom shenanigans:
“For a second, I’m like, ‘Oh bummer, I had a Real Housewives episode to catch up on,” she said recalling a time when Dean tried to put the moves on her.
Dean replied by swithing from Housewives to porn, which apparently got tori's motor running.
“After that, I’m like let’s go!” she said.
Dean then suggested that the best thing they could do in order to keep both parties interested would be to seek out a Housewives porn parody.
“Mixing interests, keeping passion alive!” Tori exclaimed.
Obviously, we're left with a lot of questions -- primarily, which Housewives series are we talking about parodying?
New Jersey would be the funniest, but we're sure a million Jersey Shore porn parodies have already covered similar ground.
Given her location, Beverly Hills is probably Tori's favorite, but if you're gonna go that route, might as well just make it a Vanderpump Rules-inspired skin flick.
We guess we have to give Dean some credit here, as the first episode of his podcast actually made us think.
That doesn't mean we'll ever, ever listen to it again -- but still, credit where it's due.