Buckle up, readers!
Because on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation last night, one cast members was unbuckled from his seat in the car and prepared to exit...
... when his girlfriend and baby mama sped away and dragged this individual down the road for a long period of time, resulting in a few ugly wounds and an arrest for the violent perpetrator.
Have you figured out the two people involved yet?
They were Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Jen Harley.
Following several episodes in which the reality stars went back and forth in vicious fashion - including one confrontation that ended with Jen spitting in Ronnie's face - this relationship hit it physical and emotional climax on Thursday evening's installment.
It all started after everyone except Ronnie and Jen headed back to New Jersey.
“I’m a little concerned about leaving Ron,” said a prescient Vinny Guadagnino at one point early on, adding of Ronnie and his custody battle with Jen:
“We did our best setting him up with the tools that he needed to succeed. He has a lawyer now, so he has a good support system around him. We can just hope for the best.”
Alas, the worst transpired.
As previously detailed on The Hollywood Gossip, Jen was arrested back on June 24 and charged with domestic battery.
(Self-congratulatory side note: THG's headline was featured on last night's episode!)
According to various reports, she and Ronnie got into an argument in the car on the way home from a barbecue.
Just as Ronnie was attempting to exit the passenger seat and extricate himself from the situation... Harley reportedly stepped on the gas and actually dragged him down the road for at least several feet.
(The couple's infant daughter, naturally, was in the backseat at the time.)
Harley was booked on a charge of domestic battery at the time -- and here is her mug shot:
The actual footage of this incident was unavailable, of course.
We never saw any of it play out.
But we did see the reaction of the Jersey Shore cast to this crazy situation.
“The relationship is toxic,” Vinny said. “It’s insane staying in it.”
“Homeboy is destroyed right now,” JWOWW said. “He texted me yesterday [saying] he’s at urgent care.”
“Literally, flesh was coming out of his arm. It was not okay,” said Snooki, while Deena added that Ronnie’s face was “all f-cked up.”
Once the cast members reunited at the house in Jersey, Ronnie FaceTimed in from Las Vegas with his arm in a sling.
He was scheduled to spend time with them back East, but all agreed that he was probably best served to just chill by himself and focus on his own effed up life for awhile.
“He just needs to sit this one out, work on himself,” Vinny said. “Hopefully, this was a huge wake-up call for him and he can just figure it out on his own.”
“I love, love, love Ron,” Jenni added. “It’s just like, one of those crazy cousins or brothers or sisters that you have that you wish just made better life choices.”
Tragically, however, it doesn't appear as if Ronnie took any of this advice.
Despite the arrest... despite the arm in a sling... despite the lost flesh... he and Harley are back together.
Altogether now: SIGH.