If you’ve been watching the current season of Jersey Shore Family Vacation, you may have found yourself surprised by a number of things:
There’s the fact that Ronnie’s new relationship is somehow more unhealthy than his famously tumultuous romance with Sammi Giancola.
There’s Mike’s daily calorie intake, which we won’t rag on, as he might be storing meal memories for his impending prison sentence like the food equivalent of a spank bank.
And let’s not forget the passionate bromance between Vinny and Pauly D that’s being increasingly played for laughs as the show cements its place as the first reality sitcom.
But if you’re like many viewers, the most surprising revelation of all might be just how little you recollect of the show’s original run.
Sure we all remember the broad strokes — the fist-pumping, the GTL, the t-shirt times, the fights, and, of course, the smushing.
But you might be a little hazy about who smushed whom and under what conditions.
Fortunately, like the Ghost of Smushes Past, Angelina Pivarnick is still haunting her housemates with constant reminders of their bad decisions.
On last night’s episode, the Hamster attempted to recall the exact dimensions of Vinny’s penis, and despite helpful comparisons from the man himself (a spray paint can, an eggplant, of course), she found herself unable to conjure a satisfying memory of Mini Vinny.
Fortunately, the folks over at Life & Style have compiled an oral (tee-hee) history of Angie’s sexual escapades with her on-again, off-again co-stars.
For starters, yes, Vinny and Angelina hooked up in Season 2 — and it was weird as hell.
The face-sucking began in a cab, right in front of their housemates — who were understandably shocked, as Vin had just lambasted Angelina as “the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island” one day prior.
“I was drunk, that’s about it,” Angelina said the next day, by way of explanation.
“You do stupid things when you’re drunk.”
Of course, Angelina didn’t stop with Vinny.
She also hooked up with both Mike Sorrentino and Pauly D.
Unlike Vinny’s, those smush sessions were not caught on camera, but Pauly offered this one-star review of his experience:
“To find the right one, you have to through a lot of the wrong ones, so that’s what I’m doing right now.”
Yeesh. Why is it that Angelina continues to “vacation” with these people?
Oh, right, they pay her ungodly sums of money just to make decisions on camera.